(Closed) lesbian bridesmaid

posted 8 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 3
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I think your daughter (the bride) needs to have a talk with her fiance.  It sounds like her sister is being infinitely reasonable and is compromising to make things work for the wedding.  I hope that he can see that and can understand that this is about sisters and family!

By The Way Welcome to Weddingbee!

Post # 4
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Hmph, personally I think the groom should be glad she asked. At FSIL’s wedding, the groom’s sister sneaked in an alternative dress, and changed in the bathroom, then sauntered back out to the reception wearing a Hawaiian dress. I swear to you, our jaws dropped a little. 

I think anything that she would normally wear to a wedding (ie, a nice pantsuit featuring colors of the wedding party, etc) would be nice. 

Post # 5
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think that unless everyone is given the opportunity to change into something more comfortable, she should wear the same thing the other bridesmaids are wearing. I am sure that they would also like the opportunity to change into something more comfortable.

Post # 6
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

In all honesty, I think she should wear the dress. It isn’t her day, and unless her sister is totally fine with it, I think she should wear it. It’s just one night, and it’s for her sister. My sister is getting married in July, and I’d wear a garbage bag if she wanted me to. 😉

ETA: I do agree that if she is able to change, the other girls should be able to change as well. Nobody feels comfortable in a bridesmaid dress. I do think, though, that her sister’s fiance is being a little demanding. Like I said before, it should be up to her sister- if she’s fine with it, her Fiance should be fine with it.

Post # 7
Member
1816 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Personally, I think the groom is being unreasonable.  I don’t think the sister should have to wear a dress at all unless she wants to.  Being a bridesmaid isn’t about you wear, but instead about loving/supporting your friend/family (bride/groom).  If the groom is worried about looking like a cohesive bridal party, the sister could easily coordinate with the other sisters in a woman’s suit or whatever makes her feel comfortable.  Ultimately, this is his new sister and he needs to accept her for who she is from this day on.  Forcing her to wear a dress the entire day is not doing that.

Side note: I recently went to my FI’s cousin’s wedding.  The groom’s sister (who is a lesbian) was his best woman.  She wore a suit the entire wedding and looked great in it.  In my opinion, she could have just as easily been the maid of honor in a suit. 

Post # 8
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

This sounds like a great compromise they have worked out. Lots of girls don’t like wearing dresses (or don’t like the dresses they’re wearing…), but they suck it up for a few hours for the people they love. But at the reception I don’t see the harm in her changing into something more comfortable to her. Lots of brides change into a different outfit at the reception too! That said, it is just a few hours, and a few hours more isn’t going to kill her. I think your daughter needs to talk with her fiance about this, either way. Really what one person is wearing at the reception isn’t going to matter an iota on the big day, but it’s hard to see that when you’re way far out from the wedding—from both the sister’s and the fiance’s perspective.

Post # 9
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

i too think she should wear the dress at the reception….thats part of what you sign up for when you accept a request to be a bridesmaid. what about the pictures at the reception? its going to look off if shes the only one not in the dress. also its not fair to the other bridesmaids if she gets to change and they dont.

Post # 10
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with Decemberbride. I think she should wear the dress unless your daughter is 1000% okay with her changing. But if she changes, the other bridesmaids should have the opportunity to change as well. And the groom should relax. Come the wedding day, the last thing on his mind will be what his sister in law is wearing. If your daughter is okay with the change, she needs to talk to him about it.

Post # 11
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I also agree that she should wear the dress to the reception. It’s really only a couple of hours. If the groom is uncomfortable with this, that needs to be taken into consideration. I don’t agree with PP that said he is being unreasonable and it should be up to the bride – it’s his day too, it should be as much his decision as hers.

Post # 12
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think this sounds like a fair compromise. You mention that the groom is concerned, but how does the bride feel?

Post # 13
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m going to go ahead and repeat what everyone has said. I think your daughter should speak to the Groom and tell him that she doesn’t want her sister to not-be-herself all day. The day is for the coming together of family, no matter what. I think the groom may just be stuck on this (goodness knows brides get stuck on things all the time) and a good chat may be just what he needs :o)

Post # 14
Hostess
16215 posts
Honey Beekeeper

If your daughter the bride is comfortable with the arrangement, that is most important. Every bride is going to have her own vision of her wedding day. If the bride is comfortable with this, great. If she is not, her sister needs to consider what kind of “sacrifice” she is willing to make on behalf of her sister’s happiness.

Post # 15
Member
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

if this is really not a part of the sister’s gender identity, i can understand why she wouldn’t want to wear it! like some other bees, i think she’s being very polite in agreeing to wear it for the ceremony. i also agree that if she changes for the reception, then everyone should be allowed to change, however.  and i DO think she should be allowed to change: a reception is supposed to be fun, and if the sister is not at all a dress person, then she probably won’t have much fun in an article of clothing she’s so uncomfortable in!

Post # 16
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay

I think it is wonderful that she is willing to “not be herself” for the sake of her sister!  Even if it is for the ceremony & pictures and she changes later…I think it is important for everyone to support her decision.  She was considerate to bring this up to everyone before the wedding and I think you are doing the right thing by supporting her.  Your daughters fiance will come around, I am sure of it.  What one bridesmaid is or isn’t wearing during the reception will be the farthest thing from his mind as he marries the love of his life.

Good luck!

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