Less than 1 year in and husband already wants marriage counseling

posted 2 weeks ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
7640 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Since you didn’t live together previously, and barely had time to adjust before this pandemic, I think you should give yourselves a break. Moving in together can be a huge stressor under ideal conditions, let alone this shit! 

Why did he stop taking his meds? I’d be worried about that for sure, especially combined with the pandemic causing/exacerbating mental health issues. 

Post # 3
Member
10242 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I think you see marriage counseling as some sort of failure in your marriage. But it’s not. There’s a problem. You see it. Counseling is a part of fixing it. I know some couples who just regularly do counseling to do check-ups on their relationship and prevent problems from popping up. 

I think it’s great your husband has suggested counseling (even if his wording was a little hurtful). I would suggest that he individually seek professional help for his anxiety and depression along with the couples counseling.

Post # 4
Member
8967 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Going into isolation right after moving in together is bound to be rough. A counselor isn’t a bad thing! It means he cares and wants to figure out how to make everyone happy. Someone who doesn’t care or has checked out wouldn’t bother with counseling. 

Post # 5
Member
7325 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Counseling is a healthy choice that demonstrates his interest in improving and maintaining your marriage. 

I’m concerned that he stopped taking his meds. Why would he quit just after you married? Is he still seeing an individual therapist or psychiatrist? 

Post # 6
Member
4902 posts
Honey bee

Since you didn’t live together before marriage, did you do pre-marital counseling by any chance?

As much as it hurts to hear he’s apparently miserable in this marriage, the good news is he is asking for help. He hasn’t written off the marriage wholesale and and is willing to take steps to change the situation.  That’s more than what a lot of people would do unfortunately. 

It’s also possible that his own mental health issues may be negatively affecting his view of the marriage.  Do you know why he stopped taking meds?  And if he was on meds and stopped, what has he been doing since October to treat his anxiety and depression?  Because while marriage counseling can certainly be a beneficial thing for both of you, I probably would make him following-up with his own mental health provider a condition for going.

Post # 7
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

You can’t define for someone else how much pain/ aggravation/ frustration/ bad feelings is their breaking point.  You know there are issues. You think he’s overreacting, but he has clearly said he doesn’t want to be in a miserable marriage for the rest of his life. It would behoove you to listen and work with a counselor. He may be closer to his breaking point than you think.  

 

Post # 11
Member
7325 posts
Busy Beekeeper

He has, more or less, put this off under the excuse of ‘I can’t get my meds prescribed with Covid-19 going on’.

I’m sure you know this is BS. The doctor who prescribed previously is very likely doing telehealth and can phone or e-transmit prescriptions to a drug store that has a drive through or delivers. 

Post # 13
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
@alexam:  That’s a BS excuse, and both of you know it. He needs to see his psychiatrist, and you would benefit from couple’s counseling, too. 

His illnesses are not a valid reason for him to fly off the handle, throw accusations around, and level dramatics at you regularly. I have suffered from both anxiety and depression, and I never once thought they gave me an excuse to treat other people like shit, especially not to the point that they felt frustrated and confused. If that had happened to me, I would have dragged my own ass to therapy because I’d be ashamed of my actions. 

If his medications weren’t working, he should have requested different ones. He should never have stopped taking them without his doctor’s direction, even if he thought they weren’t particularly helpful. 

The purpose of counseling here would be to assist in your communication as a couple and get him back to more level footing. 

ETA: I’m sure you know this, but your husband has to be the one to see the need for help with his situation. You cannot fix this for him. He must do it himself. If he’s unwilling, this points to much bigger issues for your marriage. 

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