Post # 1
I’m having a serious problem with my Maid/Matron of Honor. She’s been my best friend for 14 years and I asked her to be my maid of honour because of our long friendship and because we both live in the same city. I thought we could shop together and she could help me plan and it would be a whole lot of fun.
Well, I was very wrong. She’s at a stage of her life that is very different than mine. She’s single and just not really into weddings. She hates weddings. She thinks they are stupid and a waste of time and money and just does NOT want to help me out.
I ask her to go dress shopping with me (for both MY dress and HER dress) and it’s like pulling teeth. I want to talk details of the wedding with her once in a while and she doesn’t want to hear about it. It’s like she totally resents me for moving onto this stage of my life.
I don’t know what to do. I know I can’t *make* her get excited for me, but I really want her to be a part of these things and I don’t want it to feel like I’m ruining part of her summer by asking her to stand for me at my wedding.
Post # 3
Ugh! It’s like everyone is having Maid/Matron of Honor problems. I booted mine for this reason, in fact. I know that sounds harsh but it was going on for sometime, so I demoted her and then finally asked her to step out completely.
I think that if someone takes on the role of Maid/Matron of Honor, they should understand the great honor and responsability that comes along with it.
I would sit down and have a conversation with her and express how you’ve looked forward to sharing this "girly" time with her, bouncing ideas off her and doing it with her ina way. If she’s truely your friend she will understand and buck up, shove aside her personal hate for the weddings as a whole and be the Maid/Matron of Honor you wanted.
However if she doens’t, I would either just stop trying to get her to help out, and let her remain as the Maid/Matron of Honor, or demote her and move up someone who really cares about your day.
If I’ve learned anything from my experiance and from all the advice and others on here – it’s you can’t make a Maid/Matron of Honor want to help out.
Personally, I think that the Maid/Matron of Honor should be excited and willing to help. They should care about having fun and shopping and helping with teh details. But thats just me.
Good luck. SOrry I can’t be more help.
Post # 4
Well, I think her attitude is disappointing to say the least. She may hate weddings or not want to get married, but that shouldn’t prevent her from getting excited that you are getting what you’ve always dreamed about. However, as you said, you can’t *make* her get excited for you. My question to you is, is she a good friend outside of wedding-related stuff? Has her bad attitude carried over into other aspects of your friendship or are you still really close with her? If she is still a good friend otherwise, then probably weddings are just not her thing. You will need to make it clear that she will eventually need to go dress shopping for her Maid/Matron of Honor dress, but other than that, maybe you can do the rest of your girly wedding stuff with another bridesmaid or your mom, and just let it go with your MOH?
Depending on how you think it will go over, you might also want to take Sweeney2Be’s advice about sitting her down for a heart to heart. Just let her know that you are a little disappointed, you know that weddings aren’t her thing but you support her dreams and successes and you feel like she’s not supporting yours. See if there’s anything she would be into doing, and let her know that you were really looking forward to dress shopping with her and see how she responds. I would avoid "firing" or "demoting" her unless she starts avoiding absolutely necessary appointments/deadlines like buying a Maid/Matron of Honor dress.
After all, being a wedding enthusiast shouldn’t be a pre-requisite for being your Maid/Matron of Honor. That title should be reserved for a very close friend who loves you, but may or may not love weddings.