(Closed) Less than helpful MOH

posted 14 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Ugh! It’s like everyone is having Maid/Matron of Honor problems. I booted mine for this reason, in fact. I know that sounds harsh but it was going on for sometime, so I demoted her and then finally asked her to step out completely.

I think that if someone takes on the role of Maid/Matron of Honor, they should understand the great honor and responsability that comes along with it.

I would sit down and have a conversation with her and express how you’ve looked forward to sharing this "girly" time with her, bouncing ideas off her and doing it with her ina way. If she’s truely your friend she will understand and buck up, shove aside her personal hate for the weddings as a whole and be the Maid/Matron of Honor you wanted.

However if she doens’t, I would either just stop trying to get her to help out, and let her remain as the Maid/Matron of Honor, or demote her and move up someone who really cares about your day.

If I’ve learned anything from my experiance and from all the advice and others on here – it’s you can’t make a Maid/Matron of Honor want to help out.

Personally, I think that the Maid/Matron of Honor should be excited and willing to help.  They should care about having fun and shopping and helping with teh details. But thats just me.

Good luck. SOrry I can’t be more help. 

Post # 4
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Well, I think her attitude is disappointing to say the least.  She may hate weddings or not want to get married, but that shouldn’t prevent her from getting excited that you are getting what you’ve always dreamed about.  However, as you said, you can’t *make* her get excited for you.  My question to you is, is she a good friend outside of wedding-related stuff?  Has her bad attitude carried over into other aspects of your friendship or are you still really close with her?  If she is still a good friend otherwise, then probably weddings are just not her thing.  You will need to make it clear that she will eventually need to go dress shopping for her Maid/Matron of Honor dress, but other than that, maybe you can do the rest of your girly wedding stuff with another bridesmaid or your mom, and just let it go with your MOH? 

Depending on how you think it will go over, you might also want to take Sweeney2Be’s advice about sitting her down for a heart to heart.  Just let her know that you are a little disappointed, you know that weddings aren’t her thing but you support her dreams and successes and you feel like she’s not supporting yours.  See if there’s anything she would be into doing, and let her know that you were really looking forward to dress shopping with her and see how she responds.  I would avoid "firing" or "demoting" her unless she starts avoiding absolutely necessary appointments/deadlines like buying a Maid/Matron of Honor dress.

After all, being a wedding enthusiast shouldn’t be a pre-requisite for being your Maid/Matron of Honor.  That title should be reserved for a very close friend who loves you, but may or may not love weddings.

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