- 5 years ago
So it’s 3am on the last day of our trip to NYC, my girlfriend (or fiancée, at this point I don’t really know which), has been asleep for a few hours now, and I can’t sleep because I’m a nervous wreck. I thought I was nervous before the proposal, but it doesn’t even compare. I messed up the proposal, and now I don’t really know what to do. Here’s what happened:
I have a family member that’s a jeweler, and so when my girlfriend and I started taking about marriage, I let her custom design her own ring. I called my uncle, told him my budget, sent some pictures that she’d picked out, told him that I wanted the ring by Christmas, and after he confirmed that he could have the ring done by then, I planned a trip to NYC at the end of Feb for our 7 year dating anniversary where I planned on proposing.
I never told her, but in realty she knew that I planned on proposing and she was really excited. Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans… I guess it started to go wrong when he told me around the middle of December that he was having trouble locating the type of diamond she wanted (she fell in love with European cut diamonds, which they stopped cutting in the 60s), and that the ring would definitely not be ready by Christmas. I was a little bummed because I’d planned on having it, showing it to her parents, and asking for their blessing when I saw them on Christmas. They like me, so it wasn’t like they’d say no, so I felt comfortable buying a ring before I asked them.
Well, December turned into January, then February, and by the week before we were ready to leave for NYC the ring still wasn’t done. I knew she was going to be disappointed so I tried to preempt that, and told her that the ring wasn’t ready, and that I wasn’t going to propose on our vacation. She was sad for a few days, but accepted it and we moved on. Then, the day before we left he told me the diamond was ready, and asked where to mail the ring. I should’ve just told him to mail it to my place and planned a big proposal for when we got back, but instead I told him to over night it to the hotel we were staying at and I’d try to wait for the right moment and pop the question. I knew she’d have no idea and I thought it would be fun.
Well… to make a long story a little short, I barely had a chance to grab the ring from the front desk without her noticing, I never had a moment alone so I didnt have a chance to talk to her parents, and he sent me her diamond in a solitaire band because her actual band wasn’t ready. In addition to all this, I got crazy nervous, and missed a lot of great opportunities to propose in the city. It felt awkward, the ring was burning a hole in my pocket, time was running out and I finally got down on a knee and proposed in our hotel room with some champagne. She thought the ring was fake because she knew hers wasn’t ready, and this simple ring looked nothing like the one she’d designed. Her answer was a chuckle, then “sure,” then realizing I was serious said, “yes.”
I was happy, and she was too, but it felt forced, I didn’t ask her parents, it wasn’t her ring, and it was just in our hotel room. I’m romantic, and I’ve done far better on her birthdays and Christmas. She knew this wasn’t my best, but she called her parents, and mine, and told them we were engaged. Everyone was excited, but I could tell that she was less than impressed. We talked about it later that night, she got very upset and I told her I’d try again… a do over…
There are a lot of details I’ve left out, but for the sake of length, it will suffice to say that it feels broken now, and she’s told me that I have to fix it. I have no idea how to do that. We haven’t told any friends, but she wants me to call both of our parents, and tell them the proposal didn’t count and the real one is coming when her actual ring is done.
Sorry this is so long, and sorry for any typos. I’m lying on the hotel room floor typing on my phone. Also, thanks in advance for any advice.