(Closed) less than ideal proposal

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
Post # 17
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

So you proposed to her (even if it was less than perfect) and instead of being happy the man she loves wants to marry her, she wants you to call your parents and take back the proposal? does she actually want you, or does she just want the ring, the romantic proposal story, and the wedding? I would seriously reconsider whether I want to spend the rest of my life with such a high maintenance person. 

 

@andymc128:  

 

Post # 18
Member
9589 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

@andymc128:  aww you sound really sweet and Im sure she was still thrilled! You could always propose again at home in a special way with her real ring! 

Post # 19
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

If you are dissapointed and want to do “better” then why not plan a romantic night out when the ring is ready. You can remain engaged and just use the night out as a celebration of your engagement. 

I do understand what you are saying a bit. Fiance did the whole ask my parents and planned an elaborate proposal. I think if he hadn’t been able to do everything he wanted then he would have felt like he let me down – even though I wouldn’t have cared either way! I love what he planned but I love being engaged to him more. 

Also I don’t think you should put too much blame on your SO. You say you are romantic and she expected something elaborate. You can’t fault her for expecting something that you typically give her.

Post # 20
Member
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@andymc128:  It’s pretty ungrateful of your girlfriend to say you have to ‘fix’ this situation, including calling your parents and saying the proposal ‘didn’t count’. Wtf?? That’s a pretty rude thing of her to ask. I never understand these people who complain about the proposal. Can’t she just be happy that someone loves her enough to want to be with her together? She’s in the wrong here, I don’t think you really need to do anything else at this point just because she’s acting like a spoiled child.

Post # 21
Member
9639 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Your man gets down on one knee and you laugh at him? Really?

Sorry but she sounds rather ungrateful. People need to stop watching proposal videos on freaking youtube and get back to the real world and the person they love.

Post # 22
Member
963 posts
Busy bee

@andymc128: 

I agree with PP that she seemed a little ungrateful, but I can understand how you now feel you need to make up for this. She was wrong in making you feel this way, but I guess what’s done is done.

You said that her setting wasn’t ready. Couldn’t you re-propose once the setting is finished and the ring is complete? This time make it super elaborate so she can’t be disappointed?

Post # 23
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m SOOOO glad you posted this.  I think all the poeple whining about my not so perfect proposal should read this.  It should be on a sticky in the waiting/ring/propsal boards.  

You are awesome for trying so hard. Sometimes outside forces just screw with you.  I think your g/f Fiance is ungrateful and I wonder if someday you will tell her exactly what happened.  She should know that the hang up was her choice in diamonds.  You really did try to make it romantic and I’m sure you’re as disappointed that it all didn’t fall into line.  Take a deep breath, take the ring back, get it finished.  DO NOT call your parents and tell them you’re unengaged that’s like middle school promise ring stuff.  I would explain to your parents and hers, when you get the finished ring back, what happened,  give them a sneak peak and make giving her the ring something you plan.  I’d personally make her wait till christmas but that’s your call.  Good luck 

Post # 24
Member
8036 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Well… I think she’ll get over it. You’ve been together for SEVEN years… surely the fact that you did put some effort in, and you’re now engaged is good enough, no?

I don’t really understand do-over proposals. You’re engaged. Period. You have the rest of your lives for romantic moments.

My husband and I knew we wanted to marry practically since our first date. After being together for 2.5 years we bought the ring. That was that… no proposal or anything. Just because a proposal isn’t over the top doesn’t make you any less engaged.

 

Post # 25
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My mom told my dad “sure” when he asked her…they’ve been together 35 years!  🙂

Post # 26
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Yeah, I don’t really understand the obsession with “fairytale” proposals. If at the end of the conversation, you’ve agreed to get married, then the proposal was ideal in my book. It would be completely weird for everyone involved to “call off” the proposal and re-do it. If she’s really that disappointed, my only advice would be to gird your loins, cause you’re going to be in for a whole lotta bridezilla with this chick…

Post # 27
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

She told you to fix it?

Fix what?

She sounds ungrateful. I would be weary about someone who was so rude about something out of your control, you wouldn’t need a do over if she acted like a mature adult and realized the person she loved for the last 7 years wants to marry her.

I wouldn’t be surprised if you foil the next proposal out of fear that she’ll act like a brat again and then make a mockery of the situation because it wasn’t up to her standards.. Which are god knows what if a custom designed ring and a proposal in New York aren’t good enough.

Post # 28
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I think she is being ridiculous.  My now-husband proposed in a random hotel room when I was dirty and grumpy from a 12-hour day working in the sun, and it was one of the sweetest, most wonderful moments of my life!  (In a life with many great adventures and high points.)  

If YOU want to redo the proposal with the new ring, I’m sure you can think of a sweet way to do it.  But don’t do it just because you feel forced by her little temper tantrum.

Post # 29
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

@andymc128:  

You proposed- she accepted = engaged.

You shouldn’t have to do a re-do. Yes it counted. Sometimes nerves get in the way, and she should understand that. The idea of calling her parents and telling them you’ll re-propose and that it “didn’t count” is ridiculous.

You’ll put the ring in the setting she wanted – if that’s not good enough for your fiancee? Seriously reconsider marrying her. She seems to have some seriously inflated expectations about proposals.

Life gets messy and it’s never going to be perfect. I’m sorry it didn’t go as you planned, but life (and wedding planning) goes on.  Do something super romantic with her to celebrate.

Post # 30
Member
3860 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree she is being ungrateful. I don’t think you need to propose again. 

Post # 31
Member
283 posts
Helper bee

My Fiance designed my ring as well, and they had issues because his choice of metal ended up not working with the design for my ring, so he had no ring to propose with and wanted to do it on a particular date. He took me on a drive (we do a lot of drives, I live at home and sometimes it’s nice to get out from under the family, and we think best when we’re on the road) and parked at a dog park where we used to go park a lot and drink coffee, or go for a walk, and sometimes we’d set off fireworks. He told me it was the three year anniversary of when he told me in that exact same spot under the streetlight that he loved me, and now he wanted to ask me if I’d marry him. He didn’t get down on one knee, no ring other than photos on his phone of the design, and no big proclamations of love or champagne. But it worked for us, and although sometimes I wish I had a big exciting proposal just for bragging rights, it was a very private moment at a very significant place, and I’m very happy.

Being engaged isn’t about the ring, it’s nice when it’s perfect but thre’s always something better or something different. Is my ring perfect? No. But I love it because it was designed for my lifestyle, for what I do, and with months of thought put into it. You’ve told her this ring is a work in progress, sometimes life is like that, for her to want you to ‘fix it’ is silly. When the ring does arrive, have a celebratory dinner or some other romantic evening, but honestly the more you focus on the little details the more you’re detracting from the fact that you asked the love of your life to marry you and she said yes.

Even though things didn’t go the way you wanted them to, as life often does, she said yes.

For her to expect a ‘re-proposal’ is pretty silly. I didn’t even get a ring that night and I didn’t expect a re-proposal. I got a key to his condo, and the ring came two weeks later and he slid it on my finger and we were done.

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