Firstly, thank you so much to each of you for such insightful replies. This has really helped to clarify things and view the situation from a different perspective. While it is definitely not in her nature to leave texts unanswered, after a few days, I realized that I myself have acted in irrational ways before and it never had anything to do with the other person. I am really trying to remove myself and my ego from the situation and focus on our friendship and what specifically I can and should do.
@mishybear I am sorry to hear about your health concerns – especially with all the focus placed on children and pregnancy, that must be so tough and a constant battle to feel one way and act another. I totally understand your reaction.
@anniem Thanks for the advice re: bridal party. I would like to resolve it (I hope) and then re-evaluate at that time, but those “little things” are the ones you don’t think about, and end up becoming the big things, so thank you for your input.
@meow84 That’s a good point. I completely respect the decision to spend less on the engagement, ring, ceremony, and myself think that elopement and city hall ceremonies are very romantic. At the same time, the length of time she focused on it maybe meant she has gotten some flak from friends and family about that choice and feels iffy about it.
@teddybears All wise points.
@cabber I was also reticent about jumping onto the “jealousy” card – it’s such a convenient card to keep in your back pocket everytime something goes wrong and lets you self-servingly abidcate responsibility. Because she is pregnant I have been wondering if it’s my fault, I haven’t been available enough or interested enough in the pregnancy and how it is going for her, etc. That is the biggest thing for me – I am a pretty self-absorbed friend if I just stick with the cursory explanation that she’s “jealous”. I don’t even like saying it.
She is not big on phone calls – I used to call and eventually we chatted briefly and she explained she’s more of a “text” person. I would like to call just for a breath of fresh air and to see how she is doing, but at this point I feel like it would come across as if I think something is wrong or I am fishing for attention. I also thought about changing the subject to something else entirely but not sure that is appropriate either.
However, I will say that her non-response is very uncharacteristic, and importantly, that I intentionally refrained from being all “engagement” and “ring” – not just with her, but everyone. I shared only one photograph of us from far away online to tell friends we were engaged, because I think the focus on the relationship is most important, and I haven’t shared the ring picture or details with anyone off the Bee and my family. She asked for all of the details. Out of all of my friends, she was the one who asked three times for a ring pic specifically – which is the only reason I sent it, and why I felt okay about sending it. I sent it unaccompanied by any comments or fanfare, just the picture she asked for.
But again – maybe there is more I could have asked and more I could have done. I feel terrible thinking I’m “that friend” – self-absorbed and not really a friend at all. That’s why I’m on the internet asking for advice on the situation. The more I think about it the more I think I should just totally remove my hurt feelings and ego from the situation and call to solely and exclusively talk about her – and just let this go.