(Closed) Less than Positive Reactions from Friends

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 16
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2018

I lost a “best friend” over telling her my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I were back together and planning to get engaged within the next year. She just said “you know how I feel about him” – we haven’t even spoken since, I was hoping she’d be happy for me but I guess sometimes people come and go, sorry you’re going through this I know it feels like a punch to the gut. At least it did for me… you will get through it!

Post # 18
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
graces7 :  Gorgeous ring!

I too have a tendency to blame myself for everything or always look for what I’m doing wrong or how I caused a problem.  A wise friend gave me a great piece of advice when I would stew about a situation similar to this – “It’s not all about you.”  That doesn’t mean you are self-absorbed and an awful friend, it just was a way to remind me that we all have our own lives and that not everything and every reaction or non-reaction is about me in any way.  You sound pretty thoughtful about all of this and about how to be a good friend, so just be easy on yourself, be a good friend and I’m sure it will all mellow out.  Enjoy being engaged, gush about your ring and fiance and wedding, etc. on here when you feel the need to wedding out and I’m sure it will all be fine.

Post # 20
Member
13051 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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graces7 :  Gorgeous! Do you know for a fact that she received the text? If it’s truly uncharacteristic of her not to reply I’d just ask next time you happen to speak in person. She’s the one that kept bothering you to send it so I don’t see that as fishing. 

Post # 21
Member
5606 posts
Bee Keeper

Even if she *didnt* like the ring, that’s no way for a true friend to act..congratulations, don’t let her p*ss in your cheerios..this is a happy time for you 🙂

Post # 22
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016 - Temecula, California

She is jealous. Most likely if the ring but it could be the proposal too. Having the man of your dreams propose to you seems much more exciting than deciding in an “adult” way to get married in my opinion. Very childish of her to be acting this way. As your friend she should be genuinely happy for you. 

Congratulations and good luck! 

Post # 23
Member
1223 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
graces7 :  what a beautiful ring!! Congratulations! Who knows what’s up with her? People confuse the hell out of me. Hopefully the next time you guys get together things are okay. Likely she’s just got her mind elsewhere.

Post # 24
Member
10246 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

1) Your ring is gorgeous! And congrats on your engagement!

2) I wouldn’t jump straight to “she’s jealous” I always roll my eyes when posters jump to the conclusion. It’s just so immature to assume that because someone doesn’t respond the way you want them to that they are jealous of you.

3) I would try to give your friend the benefit of the doubt here. She hasn’t actually said anything negative about your ring or engagement. She might have stuff going on right now that you are unaware of, no need to read ill intent into a lack of response when there could be a million valid reasons for it.

Post # 25
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

If she’s pregnant, could it be baby brain? Pregnancy can really mess with people, and it may be that she’s genuinely forgotten (a friend of mine became extremely ditzy while she was pregnant), or that she’s having a weird emotional response to it. Give her a little credit and see what’s going on. 

Post # 26
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

The same thing happened to me as well. Both my friend and I were aware our boyfriends were planning on proposing at some point in the near future, but when I got engaged before her at the end of the year, she didn’t even bother to respond and has made no contact since my engagement.

It is such a tough situation when you don’t want to ruin friendships, but I also feel it would be even more awkward to still ask her to be a bridesmaid when she isn’t even happy about me getting engaged in the first place. 

I’m sure your ring is beautiful, Bee, and congratulations on your engagement! I also hope that things work out between your friend and you. 🙂 

Post # 27
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

She’s peanut butter and jealous but judging by your post, you already figured that out.

Post # 28
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Firstly, OP you seem like a really nice and caring friend and I hope your friend comes around because it sounds like you would be a gem of a friend to loose. 

Secondly, you ring is beautiful and your nails are so on point, that color perfectly matches your skin tone! 

Thirdly, welcome to the Bee, please come back anytime. My Fiance knows I’m obsessed with these boards and it gives me such an outlet to talk wedding all the time since I also don’t want to annoy anyone in my real life by talking about it. 

Post # 29
Member
5785 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
graces7 :  Your ring is lovely, congrats 🙂 

I do agree that sometimes people are too quick to jump on the ‘she’s jealous’ bandwagon- but in this instance I do think that might be at the root of this.

Because she wanted to know all the details, wanted a ring pic- then went silent when you gave her the info/picture she asked for. Sadly (for her) it sounds like she’s not as okay with her low key mature-decision to marry as she claims to be and she pried the details of your proposal out of you, even though your replies were like salt in a wound for her to hear because you got the romantic proposal she secretly wished for, even if she’s tried to save face by claiming her no-fuss decision to marry was the way she wanted things. There may  have been some behind the scenes drama as well, perhaps their mutual decision to marry only came about after fights and arguments and perceived hesitation on his part. 

And no, I’m not by any means saying that people with low key proposals or mutual decisions to marry are all secretly wishing for a big hoopla and pea green with envy over those that get them- but occasionally, as I think it is with your friend, it does happen. 

I had a friend who would question me only to be hurt by the answers and be jealous/ resentful. It’s sad and rather masochistic. Like you, I would question myself- was I talking about myself too much? was I not being a good friend? was I jumping to conclusions thinking she was jealous of me? It got to the point where I would deliberately withhold good news/ not talk about myself etc, but like your friend, my friend would question me about it. Not that I lead a fantabulously charmed life or that my relationship was perfect, but unfortunately she was in an on-again/ off-again relationship with a douchebag, so any decent guy looked like Prince Charming by comparison. She’d ask me stuff like “so what did you get for Christmas?” and I’d downplay it or be vague, but she’d want to know specifics and ‘really, I want to know’….but then get resentful that my partner got me several nice gifts whereas her partner didn’t get her anything. (I’m not saying your friend’s husband is a douchebag, maybe he’s a really good guy but she can’t help comparing your proposal/ ring to her own and feel envious)

Would she be up for a girls’ lunch? Face to face is alwasy better when possible and allows you to see facial expression/ body language etc, see if she’s doing okay, ask her about her pregnancy etc. She might be unhappy or going through a hard time and need a friend. But if it’s merely a matter of a friend who gets her nose out of joint anytime she perceives someone having somehting better than her (the bigger house, the nicer ring, the better career etc) to the point where she can’t be happy for a friend, that’s a pretty selfish begrudging person. 

Post # 30
Member
3311 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
graces7 :  Its beautiful  to me. It looks like my Tiffany &co diamond solitaire but larger! but it’s difficult to see clearly.  Is your stone  a moissanite/cz or something? Some with alternatives mention that sometimes they get a less than enthusiastict response when it’s not a genuine diamond.  It doesn’t excuse rudeness of course.

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