(Closed) Less than supportive friends

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My advise would be to get new friends. I know you probably care alot about them but if they can’t be happy for you when you have found the person that makes you happy and you want to settle down with especially after being through an abusive relationship and the fact that your SO is supporting you through your health issues etc it seems to me like they are to young and imature to maintain adult friendships. I had a friend similar who seemed to hate when i was happy and content with my now fiance so i told her if she had nothing positive to say about anything in my life then i don’t need her in my life as i have plenty of friends who are proper friends like your happy i’m happy your sad i’m goning to kill the person responsible for it, those are the type of friends you need. So in answer to your question of course you tell them and if you receive any negativity or any comments that hurt you simply reply with this. If you are my so called friends you would be delighted for me and probably fighting it out about being bridesmaids. I really don’t have time in my life to be hurt by anyone especially the ppl i should be relying on so if you guys don’t mind i’m going to take your negative comments and insults on boards and stick them where i’m sticking or friendship and thats where the sun don’t shine…..That should make them feel rather guilty for a while 🙂 I hope it really works out for you in the end. It sounds like you deserve a break and to be happy and don’t let anyone’s negativity come in the way of that. Ppl like that are easily replaced with ppl that are good for you. Best of luck  Laughing

Post # 4
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee

They could just be jealous or have some resentment for some reason, in which case they’ll probably come around when it happens.

If they are actually just extremely judgemental people, I agree with PP. I have close friends that are kind of similar. They are generally intelligent, accomplished people, but whenever it comes to my SO, they’re extremely judgemental. They don’t like him because they think he made me boring. I think he made me less boring. So you know what? They will not be invited to my wedding, and I’m expected to cut ties with them completely after that. It’ll be hard, because I don’t have too many friends apart from them. But it’s what needs to be done, for you as well, so that YOU can be happy. 

In the meantime, just ignore their negative comments, treat them as mere acquaintances and don’t expect any support from them. 

Post # 5
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I sadly and not so sadly had to distance myself from certain people when I got with SO – they were unsupportive or jealous that I had found someone when they were still struggling to meet the one.  Let them go and move on!

Post # 6
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

It might be too soon, in their minds, for all this to be happening.  You didn’t mention how long you’ve been divorced…   I would have a really hard time if I felt one of my friends was jumping into a releationship very quickly.   Sorry but sometimes friends aren’t wrong.

Post # 7
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@mistress_anne:  That was a stab at you and you didn’t deserve it. What business is it of hers to decide how many weddings you’ll “get”? Sheesh.

 

Is she married? I find people that are not happy with themselves or their lives find it impossible to be happy for you and the snide comments prove it.

 

One of my BM’s, a few years ago was complaining about a shower she was invited to for a friend. She said to me, “We are in our 30’s. Who gets showers anymore? That is something you do when you are young”. I looked at her and said, “I’ve never been married, in my 30’s and I would appreciate a shower if someone was that kind. I think they are for anyone getting married”. She also complained about the dresses, even though she gets to pick her style.I think it bugs her I’m getting married before her again…she is divorced. So she makes stabs at me.

 

I’m sorry. I would keep my distance.

Post # 8
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Coral99:  This times a million.  Anyone who’s truly happy for you, or even if they are cautious because they care, would never blatantly go out of their way to make snide comments.

Post # 10
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@mistress_anne:  I said maybe it was the timing. Apparently it’s not.  MAYBE you should sit down with your friends and talk to them about your feelings. 

Post # 11
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@mistress_anne:  Awwww this situation sucks and it definitely sounds like they blame your SO for the changes in you. And honestly, most people do change when they’re in a meaningful relationship so it’s not like this is a bad thing. But sometimes people outside of the relationship can view those changes in a negative light, particularly when it encroaches on their fun. Like if they got used to you being wild and crazy and now you’re much more calm, they’re naturally going to blame the factor(s) that have changed in your life. And in your case that would be the introduction of your relationship with your SO. That’s unfair of your friends to act that way and it’s pretty selfish. I’d talk to them about how it makes you feel so it doesn’t keep building up resentment.

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