(Closed) Lesson in Strife

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3012 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I can relate to you when we do have a big blow-up.  We rarely fight as well, but when we do, I bring up everything and anything that I possibly can.  He, as you mentioned above, focused on said problem.  Why do we become so out of control at times? Haha.  I look forward to hearing tips, stories, etc.

Post # 4
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Miss Sardine: I get like this too. There wasn’t a lot of stability in my parents’ marriage when I was growing up, so I usually assume the worst about an argument. It’s taken me a long time and a lot of reassurance from Darling Husband that we’re just talking out our issues and that is normal. I still have my moments, but I react a lot more calmly to things now. Sometimes it helps for me to take a step back when we’re having a disagreement and remember that we’ve gotten through disagreements in the past and we will again in the future.

Actually, a few weeks ago Darling Husband and I were having a disagreement and in the middle of it I randomly thought “I love this man and we can get through anything together”. That was a real turning point for me in my thinking.

Post # 5
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I feel the same way when we argue!  I think this is the thought process: women say:  oh God, we’re fighting we’re about to break up!  He hates me now, etc. etc.  while the men say:  sheesh, why is she so upset about this issue?  They do not go into the deeper relationship analysis that we do.  I told my Fiance that I thought we fought too much and it was a problem and he was like what the heck are you talking about?  People fight and disagree all the time and we just work through it.  I think to them, the fight is somehow separate from the relationship if that makes sense.  

We have started doing this:  if we’re arguing about something and need a minute to cool of, we get it/give it.  Then, we got back and say, when you do X, it makes me feel like Y.  Sometimes we don’t realize the effects our actions and words have and how they are perceived by the other person.  I am a leaver also, so you have to tell him that he needs to say I’m leaving to cool off but I will be back.  And sometimes, you will never agree!

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