(Closed) Let a man wait because he made you wait? To delay or not to delay?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I don’t believe in playing games, so I would never do that to a man. If you feel that vindictive about it, it kind of makes me concerned. I get your frustration with waiting, but you could make it worse. I hope he proposes soon!

Post # 6
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Don’t focus on it (even though it can be very hard not to).  Enjoy the time you two spend together and be in the present instead of always looking towards the future!  You’ll miss so many great things focusing on the negative side.

If the waiting is something that is turning into a dealbreaker, I would suggest having a conversation with him about where your relationship is headed to make sure you’re both on the same page.

Post # 7
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Now that is a new concept!.. But I agree with the others that it might backfire.. But it is frustrating that we have to wait and think about it constantly.. If they only knew how waiting effects and consumes us!.. But I also bet you wouldn’t be able to do that anyway! Once he does pop the question you’ll be so happy you wouldn’t be able to make him wait on an answer! :)… I hope it happens for you soon! 

 

Post # 8
Member
5014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Deep breaths! He’s not ready, don’t be mean to him for that. Definitely don’t deliberately make him wait if/when he does propose! If you really feel like you want to do that, something isn’t right. I never experienced this whole “waiting” thing (engaged after 3.5 years), but just try to enjoy your relationship how it is right now. If you really can’t, then have a calm, serious conversation with him about when he wants to get married. 

Post # 10
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I don’t think being manipulative or playing games would be a good idea. I would trust that he has a reason to be waiting and doesn’t mean to hurt or upset you by it. And if you want to marry him then say yes when he asks. If you don’t, end it now. No point in being with someone if you aren’t going to marry them!

Post # 11
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

OP I really think you should sit down and have a serious open talk with your SO. Based on these feelings you’re writing about it really sounds like you’ve reached a point where you need to get some of these feelings out in the open in a healthy, constructive communication with your partner. It is never good to feel like you are being taken advantage of, are being made to suffer (paraphrasing there, but I think you know what I mean with him “making” you wait), or that you want revenge (again, paraphrasing into my own words) for what he’s doing to you – namely, making you wait so long and second guess. 

Post # 12
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree with the other posters that you need to have a talk with him.  You aren’t giving him an ultimatum, but you can let him know that you feel devalued and hurt because you feel like your relationship has been put on “pause.”  That you want this relationship to grow, but you feel like maybe he is comfortable just keeping things where they are now.  See what he says, what his reaction is to your words.  Maybe he’ll let you know that things are moving along nicely behind the scenes or he’ll give you a more definite timeline. 

Regardless, you can’t let resentment build like this.  A conversation about the relationship can really help diffuse the bad feelings.

Post # 13
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I got to this point once. It wasn’t pretty. I said to him “If you wait too long, maybe when you do propose, I’ll keep you hanging.” This made him very sad, and I felt guilty afterwards. I just think it stemmed from him knowing that all I want to do in the world is be with him, and I felt like he was abusing all the power he had over me because he was taking so long with the proposal and buying the ring. I even got so fed up that I was 2 seconds away from buying him his own engagement ring and proposing myself. We talked it out, and I came to understand that he wanted it to be perfect, and on his own terms. The proposal was very very important to him, and he was just SO nervous because he knows he only gets one shot.

Talk it over, find out what he’s thinking, why he’s making you wait, and then just be patient.

Post # 14
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I dont think I COULD wait to say yes. I would explode! Id be too excited to start a new endevour in life with him and would love him too much to wait even a second <3

Post # 15
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I was at a point when I was waiting where I thought the same thing, and it felt good to feel those things. However, I don’t think you would want to look back on your proposal and think about that. When he does it you will be so excited that all of those feelings will melt away (hopefully). Sometimes it helps to cope to think about doing those kinds of things (trust me, we’ve all been there…!) but I think in reality you might not want to act on any of them. Hopefully he is on one knee for you soon!!!

Post # 16
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I think that if this is how you are feeling then you must have an honest, opendiscussion.  Guys often say stuff they forget about later- but we remember every word.  So instead of going off of stuff he said years ago, I think you need to talk about how he feels now.  After 5 years, he really should know what he wants.

You don’t want to start your engagement resentful.  Marriage is a partnership, please don’t start on that road by playing a game, I’m sure that is not what you want either!!

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