(Closed) Let down by bridesmaid

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I would call her and just calmly and sincerely tell her how much it means for her to be there, to the point that you even moved the date so she could be a part of the festivities. 

Has she been a part of a wedding party before? Does she understand that her attendance is pretty much expected (not even considering that the date was moved for her)?

Can’t she reschedule the foot tattoo? That seems like something that could be easily rescheduled.  Also, what is her reasoning for missing the dress fittings?

It sounds like she is seeing the guy Friday and then has the foot tattoo Saturday evening.  What is the excuse for Saturday morning?

If she seems unwilling to budge, I’d really just say that at this point it’s so close to the wedding and not worth trying to kick her out of the wedding party.  I’d say to focus on the people who are there who care about you and know for future reference the kind of friend she is.

I’m sorry that you’re going through this! I am sure you will still have a fun bachelorette party though! 🙂

Post # 4
45658 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I really don’t think there is much you can do. You have already changed the date once and it really wouldn’t be fair to the other women to do it again. I can’t imagine why you would even want to, given her obvious tendency to priorize other things and other people.

Go out with the others and have a great time.

Post # 6
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Father's Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center

@apjaguar42189:  I had a bridesmaid like this as well, and while I did not condone it, my other bridesmaids definitely treated her differently. It was like they knew that she was not being a good friend and being there for me so they were going to put her on the outside. So honestly, don’t be too surprised if something like that happens. And it really sucks when someone’s true nature shows like that.

Post # 7
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@apjaguar42189:  as many ppl have said your wedding is truly only important to you. even those who care don’t care as much as you. They just don’t.

was it nice for you the party? yes did she ask you to? sounds like she didn’t I wouldve keep it the same. Maybe her and they guy are getting matching tattoos. I’m not oking it but I am saying she doesn’t have to make everything.

Post # 8
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@luvmesumhim:  While I agree that the wedding isn’t important to anyone but the bride and groom, I don’t feel like bridesmaids get a free pass for being a bad friend. Had this been an event totally unrelated to the wedding, like a graduation party or an important birthday, making up all these excuses (like getting a tattoo) would be pretty upsetting to anyone. Especially after the date had been changed for them. Really? Getting a tattoo is more important than being there for your friend?

Post # 9
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MissKit:  I’m just saying it doesn’t sound like your friend asked you to change the date. you made it sound like she said “Hey girl, I can’t make your party next weekend” and then you decided to move it so she could come. Thats on you. She didn’t ask you to move it.

If she had said “MissKit, i’m sooo sorry I can make the party. I really wish I could’ve but something came up. I’m so sad i’m going to miss out on all the fun.” Then it implies she really wanted to come and I would have appreciated you moving it.

if it was the later then I agree with you, but if it’s the former I think she really didn’t mind missing it therefore she doesn’t really appreciate you rescheduling. I’m not saying she’s being a good friend or not. I’m just saying if she didin’t “ask” you to move it then of course she won’t appreciate it.

Post # 10
7656 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I can see why you would be upset for moving the date so she could be there, but did you move it because she asked you to? If not, then that is something that’s sort of on you.

Also, I think it is unfair that you are being so hard on her new boyfriend. We’ve all been in 2 week old relationships, whether we have had a lot of them or just a few. You should be happy that your friend found someone she likes, just like you found someone you like. What if she said that about you? A different guy every week and having someone that doesn’t care about you? I would think you’d be kind of upset about that.

That being said, it doesn’t sound like she’s skipping completely. Even if she doesn end up being a crappy friend and skipping when she should really go, just have fun with all your other girls. I understand you’re upset about changing the weekend, but she didn’t ask you to (as far as you’ve let on) and what is done is done. Make the most of it because you said you have an awesome MOH. She might feel hurt if you let this ruin your bachelorette party.

Post # 11
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Why on earth would she need to come to your dress fitting?

Post # 13
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@oneofthesethings:  I was thinking the same thing. Bridesmaid night out Friday, dress fitting in the morning, then bachelorette party Saturday night? That’s a lot of time to ask of someone.

As far as her tattoo appointment, if she’s going to a high-demand artist, you don’t just waltz in and -poof!- get a tattoo. Many artists books weeks and months in advance.

Post # 14
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

I don’t really get why she is required to be at the dress fitting unless she will be the one bustling you and they need to teach her. As long as her foot tattoo doesn’t interfere with your bacheloretty party I don’t think you get to tell her she has to postpone it. Have you told her that you’re hurt? Just call her and calmly explain how much it would mean if she was there.

Post # 15
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008



So my wedding is June 29 and I am beyond excited!




However, I have been having some bridesmaid issues recently that are really upsetting me. My bachelorette party is this weekend. It was originally supposed to be last weekend in Nashville. One of my bridesmaids K told me that she wasn’t going to be able to get off of like she originally thought she would. So I decided I would rather have all of my girls there instead of going away. So I had my MOH move it to this weekend and we are just staying where we live.


That’s very nice of you, but not something you should then hold over her head. That was your choice and not something she asked you to do.


I thought everything was fine. Until k posted on Facebook that she would be getting a tattoo on her foot Saturday the evening of my bachelorette. I don’t think that would make for a fun night.


Maybe she didn’t think it was a problem. She’d wear ballet flats. Did you ask her?   We also had plans for Friday night just for the bridesmaids go out out.


She told you she made plans, right?


She told me she couldn’t make Friday because she was seeing a guy who was moving away. She’s been seeing him for two weeks!


So? At one point, hadn’t you been seeing your fiance for 2 weeks?


She is also the type to have a new guy every week.


None of your business.


She proceeded to tell me she wouldn’t make it to my final dress fitting Saturday morning


I’m sorry, but why does she have to be there to see you try on a dress?


or the rest of the things that are planned for Saturday before the night out. 


So now you want to commandere Friday AND all day Saturday. Do these ladies have anything else going on in their lives> 


i don’t know what to do.


My advice? Suck it up.


I moved the entire thing so she could be there because that I was important to me. Also I have not required much from them.


It sounds like you are asking a whole LOT of them already. She didn’t ask you to move your plans did she? Why is you choosing to reschedule her fault?


My family threw me a shower.


They should have if you wanted one.


I bought the shoes and I’m paying for hair and makeup.


Your choice. Not her problem


She told me he may be leaving earlier than that so if that’s the case shell be there for it all. It all depends on him. Shes said sorry but only for that i changed the weekend for her and then her plans changed. she has other obligations.


That’s right. She has other obligations. She has a life outside your wedding. The real question is why can’t YOU respect THAT? You don’t understand that as a bridesmaid, her only responsibilities are to buy the dress you asked her to, show up and look pretty for the camera. If she does that, she’s fulfilled her obligation. You should be a better friend and respect HER time.


She’s flaking for a guy who could careless about her.


Again, not your business. You don’t know what’s in his head because you aren’t there. I’m sure your fiance wasn’t professing his undying love for YOU after 2 weeks either.


It really hurts. She hasn’t even called. Only texted me.


I can’t really blame her


she thinks it’ll just be fine for her to show up to go out after missing everything and not caring that she’s hurt my feelings.


I hate to say it, but feelings are meant to be hurt. You’re being a bit dramatic about it all. I wouldn’t want to hear it from you either.


I don’t know what to do.


See my previous advice, suck it up


Please i want to have a good time and I know the moment I see her ill just be mad. Thanks bees!!!


Replace her if this is a big enough reason for you to have a fit. Ask her to step down if you can’t realize that sometimes people won’t meet your expectations and that’s OK. You’re entitled to ONE DAY, not several.


Now the rest of you can commence flaming me and reporting me because I’m not gonna join a pity party… Sorry, but I’m almost 40. Some of this seems way too juvenile for words to me.






Post # 16
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@DJones69:  +1,000,000

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