Let them dance? (NWR)

posted 10 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
629 posts
Busy bee

If it were during the day while you’re at work I’d say sure. Since it’s in the evening when you’d have your downtime and have to re-arrange half the furniture? Nope. 

I’m not sure how to help you word it to explain how you feel but I understand how you feel about ‘your space’ but lots of dance schools offer a space for their classes and that’s obviously the easiest route for everyone.

Post # 3
2207 posts
Buzzing bee

That’s a no from me. Stick to your guns!

Post # 4
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I see where your husband is coming from in wanting to help them out, but at the same time I think you’re right.  Once you set a precedent for this standing intrusion (since in all fairness, it is an intrusion into your home) it’s going to be hard to stop without feelings that are more hurt than telling them “no” initially will.

Dog walking is one thing, she’s in and out to grab the dog, not utilising an entire room in your home.  Plus, is a standing visit something you want to entertain? I don’t know your inlaws, but neither mine nor my husband’s parents would be able to enter my house without feeling the need to visit.

I think if there were some kind of tangible end date I could be ok with it, but not an ongoing thing.

Post # 5
1007 posts
Bumble bee

My frst thought was just let them, then realized its indefinite. Could you accommodate them with the understanding its only for X weeks till they make other arrangements?

Post # 8
3895 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If it were me or hubby in your situation we would say yes but we have a very different relationship with our parents. Ours are not boundary over steppers.

In your case I’d say no. It seems like boundaries are an issue with yours. (My parents or in-laws wouldn’t even ask such a thing of us) I’d mention the work from home thing as well as the issue with a stranger being in your house on a weekly basis. Both are very valid reasons to give to her ‘why’ questions.

Honestly, they chose to live a fairly alternative lifestyle living on a boat. The inconvenience and having to modify certain aspects of your life comes with the territory. If it means you have to drive or change studios… Well that’s the what you have to do.

The snooping thing she does is shocking. I’d be tempted to bait her and leave a big blow up doll and the biggest dildo you can find laying around for her to find. Let her make of that, what she will!! 😊

Post # 10
4156 posts
Honey bee

Another point what about your floors? We had lessons at a studio for dancing and all kinds of shoes were on there and i think it had a special coating. It could destroy your floors. 

Post # 12
3895 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Hmm….I wouldn’t be so sure about her going through desks and cupboards etc. People who open doors in your house to see what you’ve ‘done’ without permission or you being there don’t really hold the value of respecting ones privacy as high on the list. Not much of a stretch to riffling through your stuff…

Most people who held the value of the right to privacy would ask permission or wait until you were home to ask to see whatever updates you’ve done. The point that they want to use your house as a dance space doesn’t give much credence to boundaries and privacy…

Post # 14
6935 posts
Busy Beekeeper

amanda1988 :  

 You have been obviously hesitant and even brought up things like  floors etc , so they must know  you aren’t  keen, and they are  keeping on about it anyway . So, I’d    feel a bit less careful of their wishes here. 

 I would reinforce the working from   home on Tuesdays , maybe even tell a porky or two and say you have enquired at work about changing the day it and it is not possible,  in fact  Tuesdays at home  may be even more usual from now on. So a firm  ‘so sorry Mother-In-Law , it’s just   not going to  work I’m afraid’ . And stick to it , both of you.  

PS , I think it’s a problem she has a  key at all actually 

Post # 15
2310 posts
Buzzing bee

If my in laws asked we would say yes, without hesitation. If my mom asked, we would have to seriously think about it and that all comes down to the relationship that we have with them. 

If you are uncomfortable with it then establish the boundaries now and tell them no. Or inquire as to how long they think the lessons will be at your house before they find a new studio. Word it so they know if you do agree to it, it is very temporary and not a permenant solution and have an agreed upon timeline. 

Based off of everything you have said I would just tell them no. 

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