(Closed) Let's add some salt to the wound

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

There are plenty of reasons people look at porn… I’d ask him about it before assuming he’s not attracted to you anymore.

If he’s in adult chatrooms or something that involves more than just watching, that’s a different story.

Post # 4
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mrskisstobe:   Wow, just to let you know, those particular sites are for hooking up with real people for “no strings” sex.  They’re not dating websites or porn, they are actually meeting places for cheaters, a lot of them are married, the men and the women.

You need to confront him about this, it’s a lot more serious than if he were only looking at regular porn sites, imo.  (Porn hub is actually ok and not for hooking up necessarily.  The other two, omg, red flags from hell). 

I am so, so sorry you had to find that, nobody deserves that.

Post # 5
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Porn is okay by me, I am not too sure about adult friend finder and the other site though (I think that is where you can go to actually hook up with real people…) so that would piss me off..

You need to talk to him about this…. also how many times a week do you two get intimate if you don’t mind me asking? He might be using this as a way to get some relief if he isn’t getting any….

Post # 6
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Cady:  This.

Post # 7
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Cady:  This.

 

Good luck! ((hugs)) I’m sorry you found this ๐Ÿ™

Post # 8
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

๐Ÿ™ im so sorry! i am sure you are beatuiful!!! after you calm down a bit you should definitely talk to him about this! not cool at all!!

Post # 9
Member
13013 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wow, I’m so sorry.  Those definitely don’t sound like porn sites, but finding people to hook up with, like PPs said.  Confront him, now.

Post # 10
Hostess
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@Sunfire:  Wow, just to let you know, those particular sites are for hooking up with real people for “no strings” sex.

This! While porn is acceptable to some people I can’t imagine anyone being okay with their SO or Darling Husband randomly hooking up with women (or men for that matter…). Even looking into the option is a no no in my opinion. Why look if you have absolutely no intention of cheating?

You need to have a serious conversation with him about what is going on, this is definitely not something I would ignore.

Post # 11
Member
4355 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think even the adult friend finder stuff just shows porn on their websites too, no? I’m not super familar.

Give him the benefit of the doubt- for now until you talk to him. Maybe in viewing just regular porn he clicked on a pop-up for those meet people ones?

And don’t take it too hard, I doubt in any fashion he doesn’t want you, maybe he knows how tired you are and instead he is just taking care of it without bothering to try and put the moves on you so you feel pressure to perform when you’re so drained from caring for a baby?

Men are weird, and their mentality doesn’t always match up with ours. Just talk to him about it.

Post # 12
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ok, so before you freak out…if he’s the kind of guy that downloads bittorrents (Illegal music/move files) Those sites and some like it come up as popups all the time.

 

If it’s just the front pages to a ton of different porn-ish type of sites AND he’s downloading from bittorrent websites it might just be popups.

 

If not, then I’d raise hell and kick him out on his ass. NOT what you need right now. or ever for that matter

Post # 13
Member
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

@mrskisstobe:  Just to (hopefully & kind of) ease your mind– if you pull up pornhub those adult friend finder sites automatically pull up, too.  I’m sure that the porn thing is a whole separate issue… But he may not be looking for no strings attached sex or to potentially cheat. I’m sorry you’ve had a bad week, though ๐Ÿ™

Post # 14
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MissFireFlower:  Agree, I will go on youporn (lol…Embarassed) and that annoying pop up for livejasmine pops up everytime. It comes up in my history even though I clicked out of it. Never a hook up site, but those are usually one of the side advertisments. It is generally a safe porn site though.

Although it can pop up on other sites, especially the sketchy ones that are loaded with viruses.

I don’t want to cause any drama here, it could be nothing, it could be something. Which is important that you talk to him about this and how it makes you feel. It will set your mind at ease. Maybe you two can work something out together where you can find a time to be intimate and maybe you can get into an exercise class that will make you feel good and give you time for yourself.

Post # 15
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’d like to ditto the popups… Pornhub was the only site I would ever go on and those stupid adult friend sites pop up without clicking on them.  Gah!!  I just wanted to get in and get out not have to close a billion windows just for a five minute clip.

It used to bother me a bit that FI’s habit was to a greater extent than me, but I realized that after being a single man for so long, old habits die hard (though he has eased up since we moved in together).  I don’t know that it means he isn’t attracted to you, but you should have a talk with him about it.

Are you unsatisfied with your current sex life?  Maybe you both have very valid things that you would like to change about it.  Porn is like junk food.  Men (and women) know it’s empty calories, but continue to consume it.  Treat it like a diet–don’t expect him to give it up completely, but offer him some more wholesome options ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 16
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@mrskisstobe:  I mentioned your post to Darling Husband (sorry – hope you don’t mind), and he said that xxxadultfriendfinder and other “meet up” sites are really bad pop-ups that appear at almost all porn sites. So it’s possible your guy was just looking at porn, and closed out of it, but the pop-ups remained. It could be he wasn’t even looking at those, much less using them. As soon as Darling Husband told me this, I searched to find your thread again so I could tell you: it may not be as bad as you think.

As to looking at porn, well, lots of guys do. And they are still attracted to their wives/SOs, too – they just start looking a porn in adolescence and don’t ever totally stop, even once they find the woman of their dreams. They tend to see it as entertainment, not as an escape from their relationship, and they wouldn’t think to stop looking at porn completely (although they usually look at it a lot less) any more than they’d totally give up video games. And for another thing, they’re not watching the girls in isolation, they’re watching the sex, if that makes any sense. They certainly aren’t comparing you. 

Sorry you’re having a rotten time, though. Maybe you two could manage a date night? – sounds like you need some reconnecting. 

EDIT: In my rush I didn’t notice that others had gotten to the pop-up thing before I did. So, um, ditto.

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