Post # 1
Has anyone else come across this article yet? A friend posted it on FB and I thought it was incredibly sad and bitter.
Obviously I am posting on a wedding board, so many of you will probably feel just as I do about it, but I’m still curious for opinions.
I personally love weddings. I think that they are great fun and finding one’s life partner is something worth celebration. It doesn’t matter to me whether you spend thousands of dollars or not, the point is that you are celebrating. Weddings do not have to be the extravagant affairs she writes about in order to prove a couple’s love. I personally am on the fence about my own wedding (I’m torn between having the big traditional party, or just eloping), but either way I wouldn’t begrudge someone their right to have a big fancy party and spend whatever they want for it. Weddings are occasions for joy.
I get what she’s saying when she talks about how other achievements are also important and worthy of celebration (such as graduations and starting new jobs) but I don’t think we need to put down these other culturally important celebrations just to make a point.
Post # 3
My second year of law school at Berkeley, when I was broke beyond compare, I was in three weddings — one in Indiana, one in Chicago and one in Hawaii. Yes, Hawaii. I have completely lost touch with two of those brides, and am merely Facebook friends with the third, and for the record, none of them are still married.
This is why when you are in your 20s and broke, you think really hard about what weddings you want to go to or CAN even go to. Being a Bridesmaid or Best Man or a guest is not a summons. It IS an honor to be invited, of course, but I see way too many of these types of responses: The broke 20-something really cannot afford to go, is afraid to speak up and say no, and then they wonder why things aren’t reciprocated when they get married down the road after shelling out hundreds if not thousands of dollars that they do not have.
I always remembered my mom’s advice when I was seeing a flurry of wedding invites: “Pick one or two weddings to go to – either go to one Destination Wedding wedding or two local ones – do not feel obligated to go to all of them.” Failing to heed this advice is part of the reason why people like this author end up so bitter. No gun was held to her head and forced her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in Hawaii while a broke law student. She could have said no and sent a gift.
Post # 4
@beanowl: I don’t know what sad world this lady lives in, but in my world graduations and new jobs are celebrated also. And as stated above, no one held a gun to her head and forced her to spend all that money. My friends are all extremely understanding of one another’s financial situation, and I don’t think we’re the exception.
Post # 5
@nightborn: Agreed! My 8th grade, high school and college graduations were all really big deals with parties and celebrations with family and friends. Granted I went to a private school so our class sizes weren’t in the 100’s but still.
Life’s moments are a big deal, all of them. It just depends on how your family/social group celebrates. If you are surrounded with a bunch of bah humbugs don’t poop on my party!
Post # 6
I understand her point and I mostly agree with what she’s trying to say, but weddings and baby showers are just as important as graduations, going to college, promotions, and all other life milestones. No need to put down one thing to promote another.
Post # 7
First: Not all little girls dream about weddings. I sure as hell didn’t. Not all women are waiting for their SO to propose – my husband was ready to be engaged way earlier than I was. Sure there are some women who are more excited about the wedding than the marriage, but I think that is the exception. And way to make the assumption that marriages that don’t work are the fault of the woman for wanting a wedding.
Second: So adults get baby showers (whether the pregnancy was intentional or not) but we should punish teenage monthers who are already having a hard life by not giving them a shower, when they’re the parents that actually need a shower the most? I’d say work on family planning education and just education for women in general, since this is what actually cuts teen pregnancy rates, rather than attack a celebration.
Third: I can understand the argument for more recognition of achievement for things like graduation.
Post # 8
She’s a big girl, she can say “No” to these things if they aren’t in her budget.
It’s not OK to blame friends and family for their happy life events when YOU have the ability to say “thanks but no thanks!” and send a freaking card.
Post # 9
@beanowl: Wow she is so bitter. I don’t understand why someone else paying for an expensive wedding has any effect on her whatsoever. It’s a huge milestone in someone’s life, why shouldn’t they get to celebrate it as they see fit.
From the article about baby showers:
“I’ve been to a handful of these showers, and the unmistakable fact is that the guest list is mostly other teenage girls, all cooing and fawning over their corpulent friend or cousin, shrieking excitedly as they present her with the beautiful bassinet that they all pitched in for, ignoring the fact that the endeavor she is embarking on will cost hundreds of thousands of dollars and stunt her career opportunities for the rest of her life, not to mention the devastating impact on her social life.”
I can’t even…I don’t know what to say. She is arguing against baby SHOWERS but then ends up just being against BABIES!
Post # 10
I don’t like this article because I think it misses the point of why you have showers, weddings, etc. While it’s unfortunate that her personal situations have resulted in failed marriages and bad timing that is not the case for all. I love the part about celebrating other things but I don’t think you need to minimalize weddings, engagements, babies, etc. When I graduated high school I got a large party and family members did buy me new stuff for college, when I graduated college that was also seen as a HUGE deal and much celebrated.
Post # 11
@nightborn: I was thinking the same thing. High school graduation parties in my area are a WAY bigger deal than baby showers. My whole family will show up for a graduation party. A fraction will maybe show up for a baby shower.
I have seen some girls getting married for the wrong reasons, no doubt, but just because you had some bad experiences with other people having weddings and getting divorced doesn’t mean that everyone is the same way.
This all read as somewhat bitter.
Post # 13
First off: the headline doesn’t reflect the article’s content very well. I actually agree with the author’s main point. She said that society should put less emphasis on weddings and baby showers, and instead emphasize key, life-changing moments. The author has a point – not everyone wants to get married or wants to have children, but pretty much everyone at least attempts some form of higher education.
Frankly, the only part of the author’s message I disagreed with was the part about how teen moms shouldn’t get baby showers. While I do concur that there is no need for the lavish showers described in the article, young moms really do need that support a modest shower would give.
Post # 14
@beanowl: I love articles like this. They get me thinking about my own impending marriage and the reasons I am doing it. I had a wedding pinterest board long before I had the man I wanted to marry. (I was an early adopter of online procrastinating) I like being challenged in these reguards. Sometimes (like this one) I become even more confident that my wedding is about our marriage and for the long haul. Sometimes, I get a bit uneasy and it gives me something to discuss and work on with my Fiance. For me, this article was good at pointing out the obvious, do you want the wedding or the marriage, and I can confidently say that I want the marriage, but I can only say that because of the many articles and bloggers who have challenged my position and made it stronger in the process.
Post # 15
I celebrated my graduations both from high school and college with family and friends, went on to nice dinners, ppl flew in, gave gifts, had a cake, etc… Also celebrated work promotions… etc.
The difference is, wedding involves two people, not just YOU, so of course the number of ppl doubles… so does the cost… same goes with babyshowers.
I agree with others that you can simply say NO if you cannot afford to go to weddings or be in them, ppl will understand! gee…
Post # 16
@JenGirl: +1000 – I never ever dreamt about my wedding as a little girl. Not even once. I did dream about living in a castle (hey, home ownership!) and traveling and going on adventures.
And teenage mothers usually desperately need the gifts AND the moral encouragement provided during a baby shower. Should we ban the baby celebration and just shame them all into dark corners because their lives are OMG RUINED? Ridiculous.