(Closed) Let's Ban Weddings, and, While we are at it, Baby Showers Too!

posted 6 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 18
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Honestly, she sounds bitter and condescening to me. 

YES, there are people who marry for the wedding, which sucks.

But weddings are NOT inherently bad. Plenty of couples who deeply love each other have extravagant affairs, just as plenty of wonderful and happy couples go to the courthouse. It makes me so sad to see people who *think* they know what one thing means for everyone. 

For me, weddings are not just about me and my fiance. Yes, I’m happy to marry him (and would do it whether or not it included a wedding) but the purpose for the wedding is that we’re bringing out two families together. The dancing, the cake, the booze… it’s not so I feel like a princess…it’s so we can start our lives together by treating the people who love to a fun night, as a way of kicking off a lifetime of commitment and love. 

Post # 20
Member
1764 posts
Buzzing bee

@HeartsandSparkles:  Yes, I agree that some people may think it weird to be invited to a huge gala for a graduation, but I was just merely stating that if that’s what YOU want to do when you graduate, then by all means.

I guess my point is that I was really disappointed with the writer’s “supporting arguments”. I normally am the first person to read these kinds of articles and give benefit of doubt, but the tone of the writer and what she chose to focus on (in my opinion) made her sound whiny, jealous, and completely absorbed with what everyone else has and what she doesn’t. The sad thing is, in the wedding and baby industry, a lot of people think just like her and it makes me sad. Not to mention, the writer’s tone and whole article did nothing to empower people to celebrate other accomplishments.

Everyone views different points in their life as an accomplishment. I’m sorry your family didn’t throw you an amazing party and didn’t give you the congratulations you would have liked. It sounds like you’ve worked really hard for everything you have accomplished. And this is what I mean, if it’s important to YOU, then why shouldn’t you have a party? Send out invites, find a venue, plan it like a wedding! Nothing says you can’t, and nothing says “hello! This is important to me and I would like to celebrate this” than planning a party. People have no idea what’s important to you and what you consider an “accomplishment” if you don’t tell them. Weddings and babies are a cultural norm inclusive of a party, and unfortunately other life accomplishment celebrations haven’t caught on yet. Women (specifically) have already worked hard for the right to vote, their right in the workplace, and their right to an education. It might just be time now to put the extra foot forward to start giving these accomplishments the appreciation they deserve, too.

 

 

Post # 21
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I would just like to return and add something, I shared this on Facebook and received a lot of backlash, even was asked to take it down by a relative. I am pretty disappointed and hurt by the way people took the article, as if I wrote it. Anyway, just wanted to share that. 

Post # 22
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I see where she’s coming from… I feel like there are a TON of girls that want the wedding more than the marriage. I can think of 2 people off the top of my head that recently were married with lavish weddings that they obsessed over that ended up divorced within 2 years. But I think that’s more of an exception than a rule.

But whos to say that you can’t have a party for graduations? First jobs? I had a party celerating my graduation from college and by then I had my first job lined up. My family and closes friends showed up, we ate drank and partied the night away. The same family and friends that I’m inviting to my wedding. The only difference is that this time, we are also inviting my fiance’s family and friends.

Post # 23
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t get it. To me, baby shows and weddings are not about celebrating accomplishments. My family members will be invited to my wedding to celebrate a new member of the family – the marriage is something that affects them, although minimally perhaps. They will have to see us at Christmas and invite us on family vacations. Same with baby showers; you’re celebrating a new member of the family. The last baby shower I went to was all about giving the mother a nice day of fun before the storm, and some gifts to help them out. Nothing about an accomplishment.

I’m not so self-involved to expect anyone to celebrate my own accomplishments (graduation, promotion, etc.) that affect no one besides myself and maybe my partner.

The gift part, however, I might agree with. It doesn’t really make sense to give gifts to a couple that is most likely already well established, but nothing to a kid going off to college on their own. I guess the gifts do make it seem like the couple is being congratulated (which implies an accomplishment); maybe that’s why I feel iffy about receiving gifts.

Post # 24
Member
3451 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Y’know, it sounds like this author spends a lot of time around people with unbalanced priorities. And it’s really getting to her. I DID, in fact, have a “college shower,” where people got together and gave me notebook paper and a dorm phone and XL twin sheets. It was lovely! Had I (or anyone who attended) ever seen such a thing on TV before? No. But…since when does TV dictate what things we’re allowed to celebrate?

And my college graduation celebration was as epic as my wedding if not moreso. Let’s not even talk about law school graduation, which was a full-scale Carnival with stilt-walkers and a snowball stand. I don’t (and won’t) watch Teen Mom because the topic does nothing for me, but as a teeneager, I didn’t derive my future goals based on TV at any rate. But based on the enrichment I received from my parents. And just because something isn’t popular in society means we can’t do it? Come on. I’ve actually had it up to here with people who blame “society” for their general lack of self-satisfaction. 

I kinda get where she’s coming from (the idea that people would take marriage and motherhood more seriously if the primary motivator wasn’t a big, fancy party). But, at least for me, her good point is lost in her smug hyperbole. Oh…and my “coronation?” I paid for every cent of it myself and it was spectacular. Screw anyone (and I do mean anyone) who has an opinion about it. 

 

Post # 25
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Overjoyed:  Y’know, it sounds like this author spends a lot of time around people with unbalanced priorities. And it’s really getting to her.

That’s exactly what I was thinking. I think that the author is really just incompatible with her environment. I mean, she grew up in an area where teen moms were rampant and celebrated. No wonder this all gets to her!

@DrD711:  I find it interesting that your FB contacts were offended by the article. I think people as a whole should stop offending and also start being less sensitive – but how is it ok for an article like the above mentioned “offensive” when successful single women deal with offensive comments and articles on the daily? I mean, sure you can have a job promotion party or a graduation party, but those are not the same norm as weddings are in our society. It’s unfortunate and unfair – I agree with the author there.

Post # 26
Member
8037 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

My friend sent me this article last week.I agreed with the article up until the point where she spent $15K on a lavish reception only a year after she got married. That kinda destroyed her credibility for me!

 

Post # 27
Member
2575 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Personally, I love my husband (and will love my future children) WAY more than any career milestone, college degree, etc…which is why I celebrated my husband w/ a wedding and will celebrate a child with a baby shower. 

Post # 28
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@MrsNewDay:  thank you for your support. I don’t understand why this issue seems so polarizing to people…some people personalize it and think it’s telling us to throw the baby out with the bath water. I am still going to have a wedding, but the marriage is more important to me than the one day party. I also feel a little hurt that people care more about stuff like getting engaged, married, and having children than individual achievements that we do independently without help from others. I guess that is my own issue, being an overachiever (had a doctorate by 30, recently took up distance running and have some lofty goals for that)….it doesn’t mean I don’t value the relationships and love that marriage and kids bring. It’s just the whole “milestone” thing…I feel like these are events in life that a lot of people expect, and a lot of people get to do…why not recognize the more unique, individual accomplishments? And yes, I realize I could have thrown myself a graduation party, but I didn’t, because it seemed as though it wasn’t important enough…I guess I undervalue myself the same way this article impliea women experience this. End rant! 

Post # 29
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

I can see all sides of this, but the only thing that’s revolutionary in my mind right now is “Holy crap, graduation showers would be AMAZING!” Turning 18, graduating, and going off to college is one of the biggest turning points in our lives (or at least mine), a shower would have been great. A laptop, a new backpack, school supplies, sheets, towels, 4-pack of dishes/silverware, other dorm-necessities… that would have been a fantastic party! I hope I remember that idea when I have a kid who is graduating.

Post # 30
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We totally had a huge party for my highschool graduation, in which I got a ton of gifts (towls, a lap top, and enough money to get me through my first year of books and travel to school)  I feel sorry for the author that she doesn’t live in an area where this happens.  Where I come from, there are so many parties at graduation “season” that I remember as a kid going to 4 in the same night often. 

As far as getting married not being an accomplishment… I have to disagree.  Finding someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, and who wants to spend the rest of his life with me is huge.  I know what I’m like to live with, which is not easy :).  I put as much work into my relationship, if not more, than I did with my education when I was in school.  This is a man I’m going to work with every day for the rest of my life, even on days I would prefer not to.  It hasn’t always been easy up to this point, and it won’t be easy afterwards.  I still want a day to celbrate that I have been very lucky to meet someone I want to make this commitment too.

And if you say having a baby is not an accomplishment, talk to some of those girls on the TTC 1+ yr(s)  I’m sure they will tell you about how much they are struggling.  Or talk to my parents who went through adopting two kids because they couldn’t have one of their own.  Not everyone “just gets knocked up.”  Yes, raising those kids into worth while members of society will be the bigger accomplishment, but thats why you have the graduation parties I mentioned above. 

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