(Closed) Let's be honest about plus ones

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 46
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I don’t really know what should or shouldn’t happen…all I know is that even if I hadn’t been dating someone very long I would want to be able to bring a SO to a wedding I was important enough to be invited to. I’m also shy and awkward and even if I wasn’t dating someone it would be really nice to be able to bring someone to spend time with. I just feel like…for me…if I find someone important enough to invite them to my wedding I want them to be comfortable. If money is a worry then I would accomodate the number of people I could afford while still making sure that each guest was allowed the courtesy of a plus one.

I wouldn’t be offended I guess if I wasn’t given a plus one. To each their own. But I’ve never had that happen. Maybe that’s just something common to where I’m from but who knows.

I had 9 people at my wedding…including the photographer and the officiant so I didn’t have to worry about this.

Post # 48
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
sboom :  yep, I know! It just goes to the mentality of “it’s rude to bring a plus one” – apparently some in my crowd thought “it’s rude to bring my husband who doesn’t know the couple well” or “it’s rude to bring my girlfriend” but the heart of it is that I invited their husband, their girlfriend, and their plus one so it’s totally not rude to bring them!

Ugh but who knows, maybe they just don’t like me and used that as an excuse to skip on having to see me LOL

Post # 49
Member
855 posts
Busy bee

catskillsinjune :  “what IS considered rude is not extending an invitation to the significant other of a guest. regardless of whether you’ve met them or not, they should be able to bring their partner to the event that celebrates partnership. it becomes incredibly rude when you start judging the status of other’s relationships to decide if someone’s partner is “serious enough” to warrant an invitation.”

I guess I can see that, but there’s a limit. There is no way in hell that I’m having my cousins’ teenage boyfriends tag along. 

Post # 50
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
sboom :  we did +1 for anyone in a relationship, having to travel interstate not in a family unit, a few +1’s for people who knew few people invited, bridal party and parents.  Few took us up on it to my surprise 

Post # 51
Member
8374 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

We didn’t invite plus ones.

We followed the etiquette guideline of inviting only the significant others of people who were married, engaged or living together (the latter only because traditional etiquette “presumed” — i.e. pretended — that they are secretly married.) The only exception I made was for a friend who had been dating her boyfriend for 20 years.

 

 

Post # 52
Member
4404 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Our rule was “if we can invite them by name (aka we know who you’ll bring bc it’s likely exclusive), they get invited”.

Now our guest list was only about 65 people, and everyone was either married family or from the same friend group, so it was pretty easy. I think only about 6 or 7 people didn’t get +1s.

Post # 53
Member
796 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
sboom :  I agree with you. If someone was in a relationship then we gave them a plus one. If they were single and had friends going to the wedding, we didn’t give them a plus one. If they were single and knew nobody at the wedding, we gave them a plus one. 

Is that crazy/rude on our part? Probably. But, we had friends that we couldn’t invite because we had to keep it under a certain number, so I rather invite more friends/family than random dates.

Post # 54
Member
1415 posts
Bumble bee

I honestly didnt think of doing +1s. The only single people who were at my wedding still lived with their parents and they received one family invite. I feel like it would have been weird having strangers at the wedding. 

Post # 55
Member
4794 posts
Honey bee

How close are these guests to you and your Fiancé if they are bringing complete strangers?  

 

Post # 56
Member
1346 posts
Bumble bee

I think all guests should be given a plus one.  We specifically kept in mind plus ones for our guests when planning our wedding.  I would never attend a wedding without my husband, I’m just not comfortable.  Maybe it’s because we’re plus ones, in all things, we would never expect someone to attend a function with us without be offered to bring their +1.

Post # 57
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2020

We are not giving +1 to any of our guests. Our reception-only wedding will be mostly friends and a small handful are in relationships. The only exception is if we’ve known their SO very well throughout our relationship or if they’re married, engaged, or living with their SO.

While some of my friends do have social anxiety, they will be sitting at a family-style dinner table with our mutual friends. They are not expected to mingle with random strangers and will have a group to fall back on.

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