Lets debate! is it a requirement?

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
  • poll: should you make it a point to go?
    yes, within reason : (88 votes)
    79 %
    no, its no big deal : (24 votes)
    21 %
  • Post # 16
    264 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think you should make every reasonable effort to attend, but if there’s some reason you can’t, then I think it’s NBD.

    Post # 17
    347 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2018


    Is it a requirement?  Absolutely not.


    I think the whole thing is a colossal waste of time and money.  Sure, have a rehearsal for the main bridal party, but to throw a dinner too and then get pissy if people can’t be there because, you know, your wedding isn’t the centre of their lives…..?  Ridiculous

    Post # 18
    12108 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    Attending the rehearsal itself, which is usually followed by a rehearsal lunch or dinner is in fact one of the few wedding party etiquette obligations, within reason. 

    Most people can figure out how to walk a straight line five minutes beforehand though, so if the wedding is out of town and the couple is not covering accomodations, also an etiquette obligation by the way, in my opinion there can be exceptions. 

    But in general, if there is no good reason, I do think it’s appropriate to make the effort.

    Post # 19
    658 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2018

    I do think they should attend the rehersal itself and the meal following. Unless there is a conflict for some reason. 

    We are doing the rehersal in the AM and taking everyone out to brunch right after, so I think most will attend with their partners in toe.

    Post # 20
    627 posts
    Busy bee

    I think there is a difference between the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner, unless in some countries they are one and the same?

    I hope everyone can make our rehearsal as there are some things that do need rehearsing for our ceremony, but if someone had something come up and couldn’t make the dinner, I wouldn’t be too upset. We are looking at about $120/head for the rehearsal dinner, and I would gladly save that money, unless of course it’s one of my VIPs, and then I would be disappointed. 

    Post # 21
    1066 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    I think if you’ve agreed to be part of the wedding party, you should expect to also have to attend a rehearsal. In the weddings I’ve been to, there hasn’t been a big rehearsal dinner, just a quick rehearsal with only the wedding party. I don’t think it’s too much to ask the wedding party to show up for half an hour to make sure everything goes smoothly on the day of the wedding.

    However, I don’t think there’s any requirement to go to the rehearsal dinner itself. Some people just don’t like these formal dinner events and I wouldn’t want to force my friend to go to a dinner they may not enjoy.

    Again, though, unless there are any serious conflicts, I think it’s rude to just not go to the rehearsal itself because you don’t feel like it.

    Post # 22
    88 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    alfalfasprout10518 :  I don’t see it as a requirement.  It can be hard on people to rush off to a fancy event right after work.  If they are traveling, they’d have to take a whole extra day off to attend the rehearsal.  

    Honestly though, I had the problem of too many people wanting to come to the rehearsal.  One friend just assumed she was invited because she was an out of town guest and wanted to bring her ex husband!  Like ummmm nooooooo

    Post # 23
    355 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    No big deal IMO. I’d hope they’d want to be there, but I think it’s totally reasonable to skip it if it’s at all inconvenient (work/travel schedules etc). 

    Post # 24
    1461 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    If the rehearsal is on a weekday and members of the wedding party have work, and/or won’t be in town yet, then it’s very reasonable that they can’t make it. 

    Post # 25
    1590 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    Honestly yes, but within reason. 

    The last wedding I was in the bride demanded we be there the night before the wedding (she also made our hair and makeup appointments without asking us if we were okay with it so there’s that as well). I was working and a literal 8 hour drive from where everything was taking place. 

    You can imagine how happy I was, after being up at 430 to catch the early train, when I was up past 12am bc she needed help setting up her reception hall (hence why she wanted us there I guess?) not to mention the money I had to spend 

    safe to say I did not give her anything in that card and I was a zombie the day of the wedding. 

    For my wedding I told them when to come and if they couldn’t that was fine. Totally lured them in with beer, pizza and kfc though 😉 (plus we did gifts that night)

    Post # 26
    1144 posts
    Bumble bee

    alfalfasprout10518 :  serious conflicts aside, it’s reassuring to everyone to practice where everyone stands and how they walk in. Especially if the venue isn’t your typical church set up.

    Post # 27
    307 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2025 - City, State

    If you can reasonably go, you should.  If you have a conflict or it will be expensive/inconvenient to travel a day or more sooner, you’re under no obligation to attend.

    Post # 28
    1963 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

    In my opinion I think that it’s a requirement personally we didn’t ask a lot from our bridal party, but we had a few requirements. One was all the girls were going shopping and I was going to pay for their dresses, shoes, jewelry and any other costs that they would have by being in the bridal party. The second was they had to attend the bridal shower, the rehearsal dinner and our wedding day

    Post # 29
    425 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I’ve been in a couple of weddings but never been to a rehearsal. Somehow I managed to make it down that straight line every time, anyway. I really don’t see why it would be a big deal to skip, as long as the couple knows ahead of time for the headcount.

    Post # 30
    9044 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Where I am rehearsal dinners are not a thing and an actual rehearsals is rare, usually only for religious ceremonies. I have been a bridesmaid in over 20 weddings and have been to 1 rehearsal (complicated religious ceremony in another language to what most of the bridal party spoke).

    So I am going to say no not a requirement.

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