(Closed) Lets discuss reasons FOR and AGAINST inviting children (I’m confused)

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
2633 posts
Sugar bee

I can’t imagine NOT including children in our wedding.  Not only do both Fiance and myself have children, but most all of our close friends and family have children too and we want our wedding to be a celebration of just that – FAMILY.

Do kids cry?  Yes, they do.  Are some children rude and disrespectful?  Yes.

Will they add more to your already growing bill – yes probably (thankfully our venue provides “Children’s” prices for kids under 10).

But all of those “negatives” will never, for me, out weight the positives.

Seeing the kids dancing on the dance floor.  Being in awe of the beautiful bride.  Dancing with mommy and daddy.  Laughing.  Enjoying life.

Post # 18
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee

We invited kids that we knew.   We had a limited guest list so I didn’t want just people there that I hadn’t met, including kids. 

But in our family weddings the norm is for kids to come so wasn’t going to rock that boat and I really love my cousins and friends kids so it just wouldn’t have felt complete without them.  I also trusted the parents to take their kids out if there was a lot of fussing. We didn’t worry about their dinner, which is usually where numbers come into play, just had kid food and a babysitter in a seperate room while the parents ate.  And then during the cocktail hour and dancing they were fun, no misbehaving but just played with each other and danced, they were really good.

Post # 19
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Hey girls

   Question for the brides not allowing kids:

   What is your cut off age?? Do teens count as kids?

Post # 20
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I don’t care either but we are not having kids. Well both our niece and nephews will be there and that is it. We could only afford a certain amount of people. Yes kids are a little cheaper but not much and they add up. My mom said parents need to go out with out there kids anyways. I know the kids would have so much fun but we can’t afford it.

Post # 21
Member
4122 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Our invited guests means an added 50+ children, and our venue can’t support it. We’re already busting at the seams. 150-175 is comfortable. 200 would really push it, and our guest list is at about 210… So, add in 50 kids and… well… not so good. Granted, I’m assuming some can’t travel and make it because of the no kids, but there’s about 30 locally as well…. All my cousins are HS and up and they are invited as is nursing infants. The only children not invited are those of friends as there’s no more “children” left in our families.

I could care less about “crying.” Logistics is my concern.

Post # 22
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We are inviting children over the age of 12. These guests are mostly teenage cousins who are older teens. For us the reason is primarily cost, space and practicality

Cost: We are serving a plated meal wit full open bar. Very adult and not at all cheap.

Space: Our guest list has been very tough to control. Currently we are inviting 178 people to wedding with a space cap of 160. The main problem is that both Fiance and I have large families. It’s very hard to put family on a B list… basically we didn’t do it! Kids would have added another 10+ guests to the list.

Practicality: Our wedding is an evening wedding with a plated dinner and a band. Seems like a pretty adult event to me. I wanted an adult feel to the event and not have kids shrieking all over the place.

Post # 24
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

We didn’t invite kids due to their unpredicitable behavior and cost. We had three out-of-state guests (one toddler each) and for them we had a babysitter in the hotel during the ceremony and 2/3 of the reception which we paid for. It worked out beautifully.

If I had an outdoor, more casual type wedding, than I definately would have wanted kids. That just wasn’t for me with our formal reception with alcohol, etc.

Post # 25
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

This might very well be the most detailed explanation i have ever given! lol

my reasons for not wanting children (this includes anyone under the age of 18) as well as underage adults (18-20):

for the younger kids:

-not wanting them to disturb the ceremony (im paying top dollar for a cinematographer to capture the ceremony… dont need babies or toddlers throwing fits in the middle of the audio)

-not wanting kids to monopolize the reception (ALL receptions i have been to with younger kids, they take over the dance floor and change the mood of the reception. i am not going for a chuck-e-cheese “aww thats cute” atmosphere – i want a fun ADULT night out more like a romantic dinner followed by party/lounge/club feel)

-young kids are cute and will upstage me!!! lol (bottom line i know it sounds vain but i want the attention on me, not some really cute 4 year old in a ruffly dress…)

-parents dont watch their children (all except one reception i have been to, others have had to watch folks kids because the parents partake in the open bar and leave the kids to run willy nilly – often time that person is me, and if i have to do that at MY wedding, someone is gonna hear about it.)

for the older children and underage adults (teens/tweens and up):

-we are having an open bar. every event i have been to has the younger kids sipping drinks from the tables or getting wasted themselves. I work in law enforcement as does half of my guest list. at one of our past family weddings, one teenager even got a DUI – UNDERAGE dui. i can NOT contribute to the delinquency of minors.

my one concession are the nursing babies. They can be in attendance at the reception but for the same reason the toddlers and infants cannot be in the ceremony they cannot either – i cannot have a baby crying during the ceremony. oftentimes i go to ceremonies and the baby starts crying. it takes away from the moment. and instead of the parent wisking the child out of the door to calm them out of earshot, they proceed to either try and soothe them there, prolonging the noise, or ignore the crying altogether. and that to me is unacceptable. again, expensive cinematographer means i dont want crappy audio for my lifetime memories video.

specifically for MY wedding as well, there is a child of someone in the wedding party who a good kid (shes a preschooler) and acts her age which is just fine. its the parent’s reaction to her (lack of discipline, not knowing what to do, etc) that bothers me. I would rather they get a baby sitter for her so they can enjoy themselves and not throw a fit if the child acts like a child.

oh and edited to add – plus our venue is very space restrictive. so in order to invite folks we WANT there, no kids or young adults.

Post # 26
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Granted, I can be a touch paranoid, but I’m just not comfortable having children around large groups of people when the alcohol is freely flowing – particularly if lots and lots of people don’t know one another and there are opportunities for someone to disappear unnoticed.

Post # 27
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

i was wondering about these threads too.  Maybe its just my irish catholic upbringing—but a wedding just doesn’t feel like a wedding to me without a few kids running around!  If everyone i knew had kids i probably wouldn’t invite them to keep the numbers down, but it’ll probably only be about 10.  if parents want a night off then they can leave the kids at home, i don’t care either way. but they’re all pretty well behaved, and i think they’d enjoy the band, so i’d be happy to have them.  i love kids.

Post # 28
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t want children crying during the ceremony or running around during the reception.  The only kiddos in my fam are allowed to run wild by their parents.  One of them knoecked over another cousin’s cake table.  Not gonna happen.

Post # 29
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m with SanDiegoAli on this one. We are including children because we want our wedding to be a family event. The main reason we are getting married is to start a new family, so we want to include all of our families. We figure that if the child’s parents want the day away from their child, they will get a babysitter. I’m also guessing that most of the parents who do choose to bring their little ones will take extra care to make sure their children are polite & not disruptive.

Post # 30
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Our cut off age is “first cousins”. We wanted 18 but Fiance has 2 first cousins that are around 15 so we couldn’t not count them in.

Post # 31
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@SanDiegoAli: I understand and respect your perspective, but I cannot relate to it. I think this is primarily because this is my first marriage and none of my siblings or friends have kids. I think that this was my second marriage, I had kids and was older the entire feel of the wedding would be different. There is no right or wrong way really, but I do think that the feel of your wedding is a bit more different than most brides. Just my 2 cents 🙂

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