(Closed) Lets discuss reasons FOR and AGAINST inviting children (I’m confused)

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 33
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Arguments FOR kids:

  • Their laughter is contagious
  • All kids song…SO adorable!
  • I consider weddings are a FAMILY event, not a grown up event. I usually decline to go to weddings that are adult only even though I have no kids.
  • They aboslutely adore the bride. I have never heard such nice compliments coming from adults that come out of the mouths of kids.
  • Families can form memories together all centered around a joyous occassion.
  • Babies cry, so what? My aunt blubbers during weddings too and I wouldn’t think of not inviting her.
  • People feel more comfortable and relaxed if kids are around and allowed to be kids. Adult only event are always, to me, stuffy.
  • I adore my nieces.
  • We have lots of out of town guests with kids. I don’t want their little ones to be flown halfway across the country to be left with a stranger (babysitter). Not cool at all.

We have a “Kid’s Table” planned with color-in placemats, crayons, colored paper, temporary tattoos, and little porcupine figures (they look like koosh balls). Plus we are getting married in a garden, so they is an acre of area to explore and go bug hunting in. And macaroni with cheese is on the menu. I’m guessing we will have 20-30 kids at our wedding and I am excited!

Also, our caterer is offering $10 per kid, $22 per adult. They actually SAVE me money!

Post # 34
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

We had kids at our wedding and it was fine. Financial reasons make sense to me, but the “kids are disruptive” and “kids prevent parents from having a good time” reasons don’t sit well with me, because really I think those reasons are more about the parents than the children. Both assume that parents won’t be able to deal with a crying kid in an appropriate manner and that parents won’t be able to decide for themselves if they’d have a better time if they left the kids at home. 

For example, if your ceremony site has a lobby, a cry room, or a room with a babysitter in it, you will be able to handle disruptive kids at your ceremony. At my wedding one of our guests used the cry room for her 1-year-old and I was none the wiser. If there’s no facility for that at your site and there are a lot of very young kids invited, it might be better not to risk it though.

Likewise, if parents want to enjoy a night without their children underfoot, they will decide on their own not to bring them. Of course this supposes that people actually take care of their own children at events…if someone is going to let their kids run wild, it’s probably best not to invite those kids (which may extend to all kids). If you automatically don’t invite children many guests will be upset and some will not come to the wedding at all. Maybe you are okay risking that…but don’t be surprised if you get that reaction.

For me it made more sense to invite the kids than not. Your mileage of course may vary.

Post # 35
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

To me it’s not a wedding without kids. A wedding is a joining of families, not just a fancy party (in my opinion). I went to numerous family weddings as a kid and they are some of not only my fondest memories, but of many of our family memebers.

Post # 36
Member
3761 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

We invited family children (our 7 nieces and nephews), my Maid/Matron of Honor who had a 4 month old baby, and several “children” over the age of 12 that we were close to.

It worked out very well for us.  Two of the children (the youngest nephew age 3 and the 4 month old baby) had to be escorted out of the church during the ceremony.  I don’t remember hearing anything just saw them standing outside the church as we walked out. The church has tile floor and echos really easy and I didn’t hear anything.

 

** EDIT ** We had a videographer.  Both the pastor and my husband had mini microphones clipped onto their clothes so the guests could hear us.  The videographers “hooked into” this sound system and recorded it.  It will be used as clean audio for the video.  Yes if your videographer is recoding from the back of the church and trying to hear you in the front and a baby cries it will get picked up.  However, a professional recorder should be able to do this and you won’t hear it in your video. 

 

At the reception the two youngest neices and nephews were there for about an hour and then left home with their mother (not because they were bad, they just needed to leave).  I wish they were there so they could have been in more pictures.  My other SIL and her family (2 oldest nieces) left after dinner.  There are a few more pictures and memories with them but not many.

From what I have heard the parents did have to “parent” and run after the kids throughout the night.  Maybe not a night out on the town for them, but it was important to us to have the kids there to celebrate with us as a family. 

The 4 month old baby was NO ISSUE WHATSO EVER.  She stayed until about 10:30 and the reception ended around 11:30.

We chose not to invite some of the other family friends that had children.  We simply addressed their invites Mr and Mrs. and left out the “and family” portion.  Everyone except one family got the hint (and their children are adults living at home in my book). 

I guess overall we did a combination of both.  I wasn’t about to give up a lot of seats to kids I barely knew or cared if they were at my wedding.  However, I did make sacrifices (space, etc) for kids that were part of the family. 

Post # 37
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think it is very dependent on YOUR family (who had kids, how old they are, how many of them) and what your family thinks about including children.  I absolutely see the benefits to both sides of the argument, and I really do think the right answer to this question will be dependent on the type of event you are holding (for example: an afternoon, casual wedding as opposed to cocktails or black-tie formal).

We will be inviting children to our wedding.  Most of the kids are going to be in the 3 or 4 years old and under category, and with most of these guests coming from out of town, it is hard to expect all of them to leave the kids at home when most of their family will be attending the wedding.  We may still look into getting a babysitter to stay in one of the hotel rooms and look after the little ones when it starts to get late so the parents can stay up and enjoy themselves.  My FBIL’s wedding last summer included children and there were no problems!  Another factor that has already been mentioned is that unless we are ordering a specific kid’s meal for them, they will not cost anything extra.  We have decided on a larger venue than we were initially considering, so the space capacity is not an issue for us.

Post # 38
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

If we invited all the kids, there would be more of them than there are adults (Irish Catholic family – we breed). 

1.) We can’t afford that.  We’ve already had to make some painfulk cuts such as friends and anything above 1st cousins.

2.) I don’t want a mainly child-attended wedding.  Yes our farm venue is child-friendly, but my wedding is not a day camp for kids. 

*Note – we ARE having a few kids: my nephew who’s the Round Brilliant and 6 first cousins on FI’s side: 2 are the Flower Girl, 2 are their brothers and the last 2 are his cousins traveling from out of state with their parents.  If the kids couldn’t come, the anunt & uncle wouldn’t come.

I’m fortunate that I see all the kids on my side of the family anytime I visit my hometown, so it’s not like missing them at the wedding means I’ll go years without saying hello.  I just saw them all at my cousin’s daughter’s 5th bday party the day after my shower last month.  Which, by the way, was awesome!  We all crammed in this thing:

Post # 39
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@muratdetector – for the ceremony only children – maybe they have lots of flower girls, ring bearers jr bridesmaids and feel bad about restricting that? or its earlier in the day? or dont mind the noise?

most want to not have them at receptions due to alcohol, cost, and timing. young kids tend to melt down close to bedtime.

Also i would state, while i am NOT a kid person, there are certain well behaved kids in my family and in FH family that i know would behave themselves during the ceremony. HOWEVER. there are also kids that i know will NOT behave, and because you cant pick and choose kids who can come – i have to exclude them all. its a shame that because of some ill-behaved children (and PARENTS) i cant invite the kids i actually WANT there.

does anyone else have THAT problem? that you would invite a choice few kids because they wouldnt cause a problem, but you know it would cause an issue for picking favorites?

Post # 40
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am all in favor of kids.  For me, weddings are quintessentially about family and the kids are absolutely a very important part of that family.  Yes they are adding a significant amount of cost (no kids rates at our wedding) but our wedding is small and there aren’t too many kids (5 out of a total guest list of 40 people).  I can also see how kids might work less well at a very formal wedding which is part of the reason we are having a casual, family-friendly afternoon shindig.

Post # 41
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

I never thought I’d say this!  But a word to the wise, I’d make sure you know the type of parent/kids you are inviting -if you are inviting kids to your wedding!!!  I have a ton of cousins and went to their weddings, and don’t remember anyone misbehaving, and having loads of fun.  AndI love kids, but I would think twice about having kids at your wedding!  OMG-my immediate family members kids are BY FAR THE WORST BEHAVED and my sibling is ONE OF THE WORST PARENTS I have EVER SEEN!!!  They were HORRIBLE at my mom’s wake and funeral!!!! My other sibling and I were totally shocked and appalled!! And apologized to the funeral director–SO embarrassing

My daughter’s wedding (with kids) including her own was wonderful!!!  Only my siblings were invited, not their children, as they live very far away!  Yay!!

Post # 42
Member
3124 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

cost, space, personal preference. I can see why bees go either way, and I don’t mind kids at weddings typically if they can keep it together during the ceremony. It’s usually not the kids, but the parents that foul up to be honest. Kids are kids, and you can’t expect them to be silent and still of course. But some parents don’t know when to cart their screaming little angel out of a quiet room.

Post # 43
Member
13095 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ll second everything that SanDiegoAli and serasvictoria said!  This is my first marriage, I’m 23 and have no kids of my own but a wedding wouldn’t be a wedding to me without including the kids of my family and friends!  It’s a bringing together of two families and if those families include children, it makes no sense to me why they wouldn’t be included.

My ceremony is in a very old, fancy, formal sanctuary and our evening reception is open bar (wine and beer) in a banquet hall type setting (floor to ceiling windows – again formal and fancy).  Despite this, I still have zero qualms about having kids there.  Depending on their age, they’ll either be sitting with their parents or at a separate table.  We’re having a buffet and paying the same for the kids as for the adults.  I can’t wait to dance with the little kids! 🙂

Post # 45
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2020 - Oakland Manor

We let people know that their children were invited, but in the end, only baby tulip attended. aaaaaand she was adorable, and perfectly well behaved, and I adore her. So, in the end there didn’t seem to be any good reasons (to us) to not invite kids. We’re inviting people to celebrate with us, and that includes their offspring if they choose to bring them.

So many things go wrong at weddings, a crying baby would have been the least of my worries!

Post # 46
Member
1479 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We are allowing nursing infants only, plus my 2 year old niece who is my “flower girl”.  (Not sure yet if she’ll walk down the aisle but I’m going to try!)

If we had invited all kids, we would have had 20 additional “people” attending, ranging from age 2-13.  The little ones can be very ill behaved, and since we are getting married on 4th of July, I’m fairly certain the older ones would rather hang out at a friend’s house watching fireworks (since none can be seen from our venue).

I think it’s nice to try to accomodate your friends/family who have brand new babies who can’t yet stay with a sitter, especially if they are travelling from out of town.  Most mommies wouldn’t want to leave their infant with a stranger.  People always talk about how babies scream and cry during key moments, but we’re just going to ask people to sit near the door during the ceremony if they bring their baby and to remove the child if they start fussing. 

 

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