(Closed) Lets discuss reasons FOR and AGAINST inviting children (I’m confused)

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 61
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We’re for having kids at our wedding because I have a niece and nephew that are young and my FH has a 7 year old sister. I love kids, so I’m jazzed that they’ll all be able to come and have fun, too…

Post # 62
Member
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

We chose to include children because if we didn’t we would very likely have a family boycott on our hands, so we’re doing a half way kind of thing. The kids are going to be there, we don’t want them to be bored, so we’ve hired event nannies to turn the upstairs of our venue into a playground for them while the adults party downstairs. The kids have a good time doing their own thing, and if the parents want to go check on them they can.

Post # 63
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

To add to my other post, I was also very worried about kids taking over the dance floor and changing the tone of the evening, and that did not happen.  I don’t think any of the little kids danced at all!  And my bridesmaid requested a filthy Dr. Dre song and it was played uncensored, and no one complained. 

I will also confess to not liking children.  If I went to a friend’s house and there was a baby and a cat or dog, I’d go straight for the pet.

Post # 64
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

In my family, there are a ton of children under 16.  If I invite one, I have to invite all.  I wanted to keep my guest list close to 100 and I am already at 130.  If we invite kids, it puts us up to 150.  It just adds too many to the numbers, which in turn adds a lot of money.  And something I have noticed, kids at wedding, arent usually eating the food but you pay for them to eat….just didnt want to go there.

Post # 65
Member
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Sigh… Boyfriend or Best Friend and I decided that we’re not having kids at our wedding, except for our 1st cousins, some of whom are little and most likely will be ringbearers/flower girl.

The main reason is because his cousins have around 50 kids between them all (seriously!!) and we just can’t do it financially…. it breaks my heart though because I LOVE kids! Plus, I do think of weddings as family affairs, and kids should be a part of that.

But, we just won’t have the space/money… 🙁

Post # 66
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

mudratdetector- I know you asked about this so I will share. My caterings (passed appetizers, cheese, full meal and open bar) is $90 a person. We asked our caterer about kids costs at first. Kid’s meals are 21.99 per child. What a deal for chicken fingers or a hot dog, right? the prices seem absurd to me.

Post # 67
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@mudrat – lulz @ more smoking than drinking. now that i’m thinking about it, i anticipate i may have a problem with certain members of my crew as well. i’ll just have to tell them ahead of time to find themselves a quiet corner far away from the action.

Post # 68
Member
13095 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@jaylii9 – To play devil’s advocate – $21.99 for chicken fingers for a child is no more absurd than the $90 for the adult meals (that food/drink is so insanely marked up from what it actually costs).  And I’d much rather be able to pay $22 for children than have to pay $90 (we get no discount for children on our food – oh well, hope they enjoy the buffet!).

Post # 69
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I use to be anti-kids when i was younger and changed my mind. Back then, I assumed children would ruin the ceremony and take attention away from the bride. Fast forward 15 years and I have completely changed my mind. I’ve been to countless family weddings and I never saw a child ruin anything. And of course I know now that NO ONE can compete with the bride ;o). I also think kids can provide some beautiful and priceless moments at weddings. Also, i have lots of neices and nephens now and I really wanted to include them in my wedding.

As for cost, our caterer is charging only $10 for each kid, and we will be providing them with little bags full of goodies to keep them busy and entertained. The decision is ultimately yours, and I dont think you can really go wrong either way, it all depends on what you feel is right! Good luck!

Post # 70
Member
7776 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Well, we ended up inviting people’s children. BUT, we only did it because there are only 2 children under 10, one on each side.  We have our 3 year old Flower Girl, and FI’s 7 year old cousin. Beyond that there is FI’s 10 year old cousin and after that, all the others are in high school. In the end, we dont really have any small children.

The reasons we decided to include them are:

1. As I already stated, there are only 2.

2. Both of them are well-behaved.

3. Kids meals at our venue are cheap. lol

4. Our flower-girl is frikkin adorable.

I am generally against children at a wedding like mine. Our wedding is a more formal, evening wedding. It is an adult affair and I feel like having a bunch of kids running around would be inappropriate. I feel like a lot of people dont raise their children right anymore and a lot of children are bratty and badly behaved. Dont get me wrong, I love kids, I’m a teacher, but I have no patience for children or their parents who should know better.

Post # 71
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

We invited kids – of our 85 guests, 20 of them were 16 and under.  And it was GREAT!  Darling Husband has kids, so it was no question that we would have some kids at our wedding.  Here’s why it worked for us…

  • Our ceremony and reception were at the same venue – a winery – with lots of outdoor space for the kids to run around and act… well, like kids!
  • Our ceremony was at 4:00, reception ended at 9:00 – so it didn’t run too late.
  • Our ceremony was short, 15-20 minutes.  We didn’t have a single disruption during the ceremony. 
  • We gave the kids activity bags during the cocktail hour.  We packed them with DIY coloring books & crayons, silly bands, wiki-sticks, plus a bag of goldfish & a flavored water – they were a big hit with kids & parents! 
  • They mixed, cuz kids like to play with other kids, and that forced our families to mix as well. 
  • They danced like crazy!  They really kept the dance floor packed.  And the pictures are fabulous… dads dancing with their daughters, groups of kids jumping around with our friends, mothers twirling their babies around – everyone smiles when they look at our pictures.
  • The kids meals cost less than half what the adult ones did – and they counted towards the minimum number of guests our venue required.
  • We opened our candy buffet an hour before the reception ended.  The kids got a sugar rush, burned it off, and then passed out after the party was over!

Overall, it was a success.  It worked for our wedding – because we planned it that way – but I know it wouldn’t work for everyone’s.

Post # 72
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

This will sound horrible, but I wish I could make my wedding an adult-only affair. The only kids coming are my nieces and nephew, who I love, but my SIL thinks that my mom and I turn into babysitters whenever she visits. My brother is in the wedding, so there’s not much he can do to gather the kids, so it’s up to her and her parents to do the job. Every time SIL is in town she claims she’s “on vacation” so it’s up to me or my mom to take care of her 4 kids (one of whom HATES not being the center of attention and will throw fits, and another that destroys everything he gets his hands on) while she lays around all day. I’m typically pretty easy going, but I’m pulling the Bride Card on this one and claiming that it’s my day, and I’m not going to be your babysitter. 

Why do people have kids if they aren’t going to bother to parent?

Post # 73
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree it is up to the couple, by I already listed my reasons for. The only I DO get upset about is when the bride & groom say no kids and then get upset at people who decline to come because of that reason. A few weeks ago my friend and I had a falling out because she is having an “Adult only” reception, so naturally I declined because I didn’t feel like going to a black tie affair. I sent her a gift though with the RSVP card and then made plans to go camping that weekend. She called to chat and asked why I decline. I said since it was Adult Only, I really didn’t feel like going to a fancy event. She said it was not black tie and very laid back, plus I don’t have kids anyway, so I shouldn’t care. I told her, again, that I had a problem with the no kids option morally, but that I hope they have a wonderful wedding and can’t wait to get together soon.

Well she proceeded to curse me out, call me a bad friend (She’s more like an aquaintence), and told me she never wanted to see me or my Fiance again then hung up the phone. It was rather rude and I regret sending her a gift.

I mean, by all means make the rule if it is appropriate for your event, but don’t get mad at people who don’t come because you feel they should just side with you. The only wedding I went to that was “Adults Only” was a very dear friend of mine, but she made it adult only because she had a miscarriage the year before and emotionally could not deal with it.

Post # 74
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am all for kids at the wedding.  We’re having a fun Summer celebration, and there is plenty of room kick your shoes off and run around. BUT our caterer is not going to be able to give us much of a deal on the kids meals (something like only 10 will get the kids price, the rest won’t.  I know, it’s weird), and our budget is tight.  So we are going to add “and family” to the invites that are sent to people who will need to travel, and to close family.  And if there’s someone who asks, I will probably end up saying yes.

Post # 75
Member
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We just decided that we wanted a certain atmosphere.  When I picture our reception, there are no children there.  I really don’t know how to explain it better than that – it is pretty much the same way we chose where we wanted it, at what time, etc.  – Just going with our guts!

I certainly don’t have some sort of over-arching, “kids are always inappropriate/always necessary” thing happening.  I think it depends on so many factors.

 

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