(Closed) Lets discuss reasons FOR and AGAINST inviting children (I’m confused)

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 91
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@blondeebuckeye: If it is a space issue I would gladly five up my seat for a mother who would like to bring her child to your wedding. I would still send you a very nice gift though. 🙂

Post # 92
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

we invited 30+ kids because we wanted our friends to feel like they didn’t have to choose between our wedding and their kids. Most of them chose to leave the kids at home, so we settled in at 13 kids (this includes two flower girls and two ring bearers). they were SO fun to have there and we had a lot of laughs. we had an open bar, dancing all night long and no need to edit anything.

we had a discounted rate for the kids and lots of space to roam. i just got my photos back and there are classic photos of the kids dancing, passing up my Maid/Matron of Honor as they walked down the aisle, etc. wouldn’t trade it for anything!

Post # 93
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2010

DON’T INVITE CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I was my persoanl experience, but if there is even a slight chance you can avoid something like this happening, it might be worth hearing out.

 

I put clearly on the invitation that the Ceremony and Reception are “Adult Only Events”.  I had a great backlash, but honestly a wedding is for the bride and the groom and I feel that the guests should not only know the couple very well, but also be able to behave and understand what is going on and act appropriately.

Even though we said no children…children came.  3 to be exact, thanks to a babysitter cancelling last minute.  These guests were from out of town so they didn’t know anyone for a back up and they didn’t inform any of us to find someone.  They just brought the children.

During the ceremony they attempted to have the children sit still and be quiet.  They became furious and cranky and hungry.  Screaming like wild animals.  One of my friends and someone I really wanted to be a part of the event had to (since the parents did not) take the children to a back room until the ceremony was over.  She missed the entire cereomy. 

At the reception they screamed for centerpieces to be handed to them, tried to mess with the cake, etc.   Pulled on tableclothes.  Well you can imagine.

There were too young to understand what was going on and even though they normally don’t act that way, you can never tell how a child will react.

 

My mother was a bridesmaid for her best friend when I was only 6 or 7 years old and I remember that she couldn’t sit with me during the ceremony because she had to walk.  And I belted out firce screams of pain confused to why my own mother could not or did not want to sit with me.  I was tramatized.  I still remember it.  Sure as an adult I can understand what is going on and control myself, but a small child cannot.  You may get lucky, but for the amount of money you are spending, you don’t want luck to have anything to do with it. 

 

Post # 94
Member
2561 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Me and FH are definitely having kids at our wedding!

I remember going to weddings as a child, and looking at the beautiful bride, and the people so in love. I couldn’t take that experience away from a child in our family. In my family, kids are well behaved, and know that they can’t get away with being loud/obnoxious at family events. I am not at all concerned about someones kid stealing my thunder or anything like that. Our venue charges 50% of the price for kids under 12, and does not charge for kids under 5, so it isn’t a big cost issue to invite them.

I hope our photographer catches pictures of parents dancing with their kids, me and FH dancing with kids, the kids having fun on the dance floor, raiding the candy buffet … 

A couple of our friends are leaving their kids at home, and that is totally their perogative (even though FH is disappointed that those little guys won’t be there)

Post # 95
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I love the idea of inviting kids.  Don’t you remember how fun it was to go to something special.  I love watching them have fun and dancing.  Costs are obviously a factor in inviting children.  I think weddings are one of those expierences that children should be a part of and have expierence.

Post # 96
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We are having children there, I love kids as does my FI and it would just feel wrong to not have kids there, I think adult only weddings are actually quite rare in the UK I guess it’s just a cultural thing! Possibly because over here you can drink at 18, and have a glass of wine or cider with a meal at 16. So the drinking isn’t such an issue.

Our ceremony will only have 5 teenagers – a baby (assuming it’s born by then) and a toddler, But I’m not worried about noise! 

We are having a free for all reception where anyone can come (word of mouth) so it would be really awkward to restrict age, and anyway I would never have an adult only wedding – I just think it sounds less fun!!

Post # 97
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I haven’t read all the other comments, but I want to share my story.

I was against having kids at our wedding – we weren’t having a flower girl or ring bearer and it was a weekend long semi-destination wedding, so I wanted the parents to be able to have a weekend to themselves, and I wanted my parent friends to myself. I didn’t really enforce this feeling, though, and we ended up having two kids at the wedding – one boy (age 5) and one girl (age 1 – her birthday was our wedding day!). Both parents and the two kids ended up in the same row as each other. During the ceremony, the little girl’s parents lifted her up to see/meet the little boy, and they held hands for a bit. And my husband and I BOTH just happened to glance into that part of the crowd at that very moment. It was the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen, and made me cry out of joy even harder than I already was. It brought this beautiful moment of childlike innocence and love that I truly cherish.

Also, the five-year-old boy was quite the dancer. He kept the dance floor busy and the guests entertained all night. I even got to share a slow dance with him, and it was so fun!

 

 So yeah, I’m converted – kids at a wedding = best thing ever.

Post # 98
Member
4544 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Our main reasons were that if you invite one you have to invite them all and that adds to the guest list and the bill significantly.

Post # 99
Member
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@melodicsighs: Aren’t kids the best for charging up the dance floor? I grew up with a ton of younger cousins and siblings, so the idea that children will somehow ruin a wedding boggles my mind. From everything I’ve experienced, they’re not particularly disruptive (most kids are good kids) and they do add something special. That’s such a sweet moment you got to experience! 🙂

 

Post # 100
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We are expecting between 20 and 40 kids to end up attending our wedding (depends on future reproduction… seems like there’s a new baby joining the family every month or two)

Our reasons to include kids:

  * They are a huge part of our family, can’t imagine a single event without them.

  * They get out on the dance floor and cut a rug like no other.

  * They lighten the mood, they crack jokes and they smile.

  * We are having a laid back fun event in part so that we could include kids in our wedding celebration.

  * Even if there are behaviorial issues we always find humor in them so it is no big deal if there is a little unhappiness at an in opportune moment.  Many adults have the uncanny ability to do something not quite kosher at the wrong time too and that gets me way more than a kid who is hungry and crying.

  * A majority of our guests will be traveling far and wide to celebrate and we could never ask them to a) leave their kids at home or b) hire a stranger to watch their kids (too many cops, social workers and teachers in our family and we tend to act a bit like a mama bear when it comes to kidlets). 

  * Many of our friends live across the country and have kids that we don’t get to see even though we would love to have weekly dinners and babysit and giggle together, so there is no way we could miss out on an opportunity to have that kind of cuteness surrounding us at our wedding.

  We will most likely seat kids with their parents, they will have a bag of games to entertain themselves.

  We will not have flower girls, ring bearers or junior bridesmaids because there are way too many kids that we love and don’t want to have hurt feelers.  We will be having certain kids (my nieces and nephew) help somehow and will be dressed in cute outfits… we are trying to prevent the popularity contest of which kids were included in the wedding party. 

Post # 101
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I never attended a wedding as a kid… actually, I didn’t attend my first wedding until I was a bridesmaid at 22! Anyway, inviting kids is just not done in my family. Kids are meant to be seen only at certain times (weddings are not one of those times) and never heard. Luckily for me, no one on my side of the family has kids; on my fiance’s side, everyone has kids, but they youngest is six, and they all have attended many weddings in their short lives (big Italian family – need I say more?). So I can handle that, because they know how to handle themselves. Plus, due to cost reasons, most of the parents have decided not to bring their kids.

My main reason for being against kids at weddings, though, is that I HATE kids. Yes, I really do, and NO, I won’t change my mind. (I’m on the pill and my fiance had the ol’ snip job done, so no accidents happen for us.) The first wedding I attended was OVERRUN by the kids until after 7-8pm (the reception started at like 3pm), when the parents left and took them home. Seriously, they were all over the dancefloor, and the DJ brought props for them to play with… ugh. I actually contemplated leaving.
And at the second wedding I went to, there were exactly two kids (brothers) and their parents even brought their babysitter to keep them occupied… and they were STILL all over the place, hogging the limelight. (Seriously, the older one was trying to jump in front of every camera he saw, and his dad was paying him a quarter to behave himself every time he acted up… which was actually just rewarding him for his bad behavior.)

So, thankfully it’s a non-issue for us, but had my fiance’s family had small children (even the six-year-old is pushing it for me; I prefer 12 and up), we would have had to have a serious talk about not inviting kids.

Post # 102
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We are not having kids at our wedding because our space is limited to 120 people, and we just can’t squeeze them in. Some of my friends have four kids, so it would be unfair to let a few in but not all. Plus it’s an evening wedding, so the kids would probably get cranky before dinner started. The hotel we booked rooms in can arrange for babysitting, so out-of-town guests won’t be left in the lurch.

The next day, we’re having a brunch and inviting all the kids too so that we can see them.

I can’t believe how many of my friends have just assumed their kids were invited, but once I explained about the space limitations, they were understanding–and even agreed they’d have more fun without having to run after their toddlers all night!

Post # 103
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Ehm…Ok I will be honest with all of you.

I actually do not really like children…at all. Yes my goddaughter is cute, but i am pretty sure I only think that because I love my cousin and she’s his daughter.

If I wanted to spend quality time with a bunch of children running around without parent supervision, I would take myself to a playground.

Young adults I am ok with, ie: 10 and up. We are having a few young adults at our reception (FIs cousins).

Post # 104
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I have 30 plus++ children i would have to invite and our hall does not diacount so for us it was mostly a price issue. And of course we wanted the adults to enjoy themselves and not have to worry about kids running around.

Post # 105
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

My Fiance and I are also still up in the air about whether to invite children. The deciding factor for us will likely be our venue. Safety can be an issue for someone with developing motor skills and our venue choices seem to pose some risks. One of the places we’re considering is on a cliff face and they don’t recommend having children there because of that. I just don’t want anyone getting hurt.

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