Post # 1
Member
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I have had an epiphany today. Throughout my whole wedding planning process, I have bent over backwards to try and accommodate everyone, and all I’ve got in return is a load of moaning, whining and bitching. Today I wondered… what is the common denominator in all my problems? The common denominator is me. Could I be the problem? The answer is yes. I am the problem because I keep trying to tell people things in advance and ask “is this OK? Are you sure?” or “how can I accommodate you better?” or “but of course I can find you accommodation with disabled access and a jacuzzi!” or even “I know you won’t like this, but I just want to tell you in advance that…”. I don’t know why I do it. Maybe I just need the validation.
This has culminated in lots of problems, including one evangelically atheist family member basically implying what a selfish ***** I was for trying to plan a fairly long religious ceremony which my guests would obviously all have to suffer through. I had to bite my tongue in order to avoid saying “well, you’re a grown man and nobody’s forcing you to attend if you don’t want to”.
Well, all of this is going to change. From now on, I’m not going to share any more details. I am not going to offer any more help. All of my plans and ideas can just be steamrollered onto other people with no prior notice and they will have to deal with them and then bitch about me behind my back, like normal people, because from now on then I am going to do WHATEVER I DAMNED WELL PLEASE, and everyone else can GO GET ******. I am going to be happy, and if people don’t like it, they can **** off and not come.
Ladies and gentlemen, that is all.
Post # 3
Hostess
2999 posts
Sugar bee
Dang girl!! Let it out! You have to do what’s right for you!
Post # 4
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
@Rachel631: good for you! We paid for our wedding and asked for very little help/opinions and I didn’t discuss details very much at all with anyone. guess what? I had very few instances where people inserted themselves or made demands. My parents are very hands off though and Darling Husband is not close to his so I lucked out. Instead, everyone was pleasantly surprised and had a good time. Best of luck to you!
Post # 5
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
YOU GO GIRL!!!!!! haha wow I don’t think I’ve ever said that. However, I love your change of attitude. **** them!
Post # 7
Member
901 posts
Busy bee
Ugh, evangelical atheists are the worst. Don’t they realize the irony?
I’m guilty of people-pleasing too much, too. It’s an easy trap to fall into, particularly as a woman. You’re right to choose to let go.
Best wishes for less frustration in the near future.
Post # 9
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
Yes! This!
I got to read the bee for a while before I had to plan my wedding out, and I’m so glad I did… because I just did things my way from the beginning then.
Whenever my mom or someone else had anything negative to say, I was like “Well… we like this, so I’m just gonna go ahead and do it… since it’s our wedding.” (in the voice ted mosby used when talking about the giant phone booth he had delivered to the apartment in the first season).
Post # 10
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
You go girl! I might need to take some lessons from you! Lol! I tend to “people please” as wel and it has definitely caused some issues, especially with the wedding planning.
Post # 11
Member
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@RedAngelDreamer: Exactly! I’ve had one saying “oh, well don’t worry, I’ll put up with any load of religion **** for you guys”. Nice in a way, but it is a celebration of marriage, and if they think the religious ceremony is a load of **** which they have to attend under protest then why on earth would they bother going? They can just skip the ceremony and turn up later for the free booze for all I care. Hell, if my religious ceremony bothers you that much then DON’T ****** COME AT ALL, because weddings are expensive and if all you’re going to do is bitch then you’re taking up precious air from someone who actually wants to be there.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
I like Weddingbee. It’s like primal scream therapy but without the price tag.
I’m also glad I am not alone… my other mistake was that I made myself too accessible. I was all “oooh, but if you foresee any problems then call me or email me using these details! I’ll sort it all out for you!”. What I didn’t expect was that they would actually do it, or that they would do it to such an extent that I think my ears may have started bleeding. This is how Bridezillas are born. They’re like the beasties in the Alien trilogy… you feel a bit **** for a while, and then they suddenly burst from your chest, full grown and needing to consume every human being in their path. I just hope that people see the warning signs and know not to **** with. me. any. more.
EDIT: And also, whilst I’m on the subject of not wanting to attend a religious ceremony (this is not the worst thing that has happened by far, but it is the most recent, so it is still fresh in my mind), why would you even bring it up? Why wouldn’t you just RSVP no to the ceremony on the invite and give some bull**** excuse, like a NORMAL PERSON. You know… “much as I would love to attend your Catholic ceremony, my parole officer said that I shouldn’t go anywhere near a church after what happened with me and that priest…” or “I’m afraid I have developed a debilitating phobia of crucifixes, so sorry”. Why would you feel the need to pick a ******* fight about it with the BRIDE, of all people? Seriously, WTF?
Post # 12
Member
9074 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
including one evangelically atheist family member basically implying what a selfish ***** I was…
Atheists like that make Atheists like me look bad. : Apologies for the douchecanoes you’re having to deal with. I’d just tell them to suck it up if they were being that vocal.
Post # 13
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
Look at you full of sexy sass! You go girl!
Post # 14
Member
18 posts
Newbee
Do what you want!!! I have tried to be accomodating and it bit me in the ass. I finally decided I dont have to share all my plans…include everyone in my decisions…or explain myself. IT’S YOUR WEDDING AND YOUR DAY. Do what will make you happy. If they dont like then they dont have to attend!
Post # 15
Member
8369 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I am sorry you have had a trying time in your planning. But I think you might need to find a happy medium between door mat and streamroller. You don’t want to become that kind of person either I am sure.
Post # 16
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
Yeah, the wedding is about you and your beliefs not anyone elses. Good for you in standing up for what you want, if they complain then don’t have to join. You get one day to make demands and your wedding is that day, have at it and anyone who complains can eat mud!
Member