(Closed) “let’s get in shape for our wedding!” says my bodybuilder FI

posted 7 years ago in Fitness
Post # 3
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

Sounds like you guys need to sit down and have a long honest talk- communication is key.

Post # 5
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think if you are unhappy with your body then you should take the reins and get back into the shape YOU want to be in! If looking at those fit girls gives you as much motivation as me then I’m sure you’ll be in the gym in no time lol. However, if you are happy with the way you look and feel then you need to sit down with your Fiance and tell him how you feel. Just let him know that you are happy with your current weight and body and that you feel hurt when he shows you pics of super hot, fit women. I hope you can work it out!

Post # 6
14657 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I know how you feel.  My husband used to be in tip top shape, a slim 6’3, 185lbs of muscle.  He’s since stopped working out as much so he lost some of his mass and muscle weight but is still very fit 8 pack and all.  He does his little routines and has told me several times that I should start running or working out again.  Now, I havent run in over a year, and I honestly dont really have the desire to even though I should and I know its good for me.  Him telling me to really doesn’t give me the push to.  Him telling me, I’m working out for you, you should work out too doesnt give me the push to.  I’m 5’4.5, 117 so I’m by no means overweight, just lacking musle definition.  So I dont think he’s trying to be mean or anything.  I think he does think its good for me, and I’m sure he’d love it if I toned up a bit, but so would I… jsut not that badly.  I dont think they realize that people wont do anything they dont actually want to do for themself.  It kind of bugs me when he tells me that though, like I’m not quite perfect enough for him, but he always claims its for health and not appearance also.

Post # 7
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Luckily  my husband tells me that he loves me no matter what my size. I’ve been feeling a little frustrated recently that my weight loss hasn’t been going as well as planned. But he’s been so encouraging about it, and telling me that it’s all a continuum, and won’t happen overnight.

The same thing applies here, I think. Motivation doesn’t build overnight, you have to want to make the changes yourself– a person doesn’t magically jump because someone says so. There is a book called “body intelligence” that kind of breaks down small healthy habits that you can implement for yourselves when YOU are ready to.

Chat with your men, and tell them that you appreciate their concern, and tell them how their approach makes you feel. Let them in on what’s going on in your mind, and tell them that how they are coming about it isn’t working for you, and you could use their support in a different form.

Also, your men might not be sending you these resources because he is telling you he doesn’t find you attractive, or would prefer you to be different– it may just be that he considers this to be a hobby of his, and he wants to share it with you because he loves you, loves the hobby, and wants to spend time with you pursuing this hobby. It’s ok if you don’t get into it in the exact ways that he does. Maybe join a meet-up group and start out with light hiking, independent of your fiancee. If you’re anything like me, it might be liberating to do it on your own to start with. I was embarrassed to have my previous boyfriends see me at my worst possible shape, and it didn’t make me feel any better about myself, even though I should have been focused on the fact that I began a routine, and was doing it for MYSELF.

I completely understand where you ladies are coming from. Just do wwhat you’re comfortable with, and go at your own pace. Make this something YOU want to do, and not something you are doing to appease anyone else. Good luck to you!

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