(Closed) Lets really be honest

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
83 posts
Worker bee

I honestly think that the stress part of wedding planning is the fun part. I like organizing and planning things… It feels good because I get things done and there’s a list that I can check off. Maybe it’s just my personality.

Post # 18
Member
5279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Your situation is so similar to mine, our families are so huge that we arn’t inviting any adult cousins, only aunts & uncles & their childen who still live at home. For my Fiance its not a big deal b/c his cousins are 10+ years older then us and have their own kids, my cousins, on the other hand, I grew up with; but I am not close to them at all anymore, but I had to choose: cousins or friends.

Also, like you we run in a few different circles, some of which we are really close to others, just so so. Therefore we have had to pick and choose who we want, while others are being left out. We havn’t sent out the invitations yet so I havn’t got any backlash. My parents understand b/c we all know money is tight. This doesn’t make it any easier considering there are a few friends from our circle who we arn’t inviting but who have even offered to pay for themeselves to come! I was like NOOO Way!! It made me feel bad, but we just can’t have them there.   

One tactic I have used, which is what I told the people l I mentioned earlier, is that our venue is so small and our guestlist can not go over X amount, and that we have such large familes so we arn’t able to invite as many friends as we would like. For some reason if you blame it on the venue they seem to understand more.

Good Luck with Everything!

Post # 20
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

@ vegasbaby- I know exactly what you mean. Even before you’ve figured out what you’re going to do- everyone else is trying to figure out if they’re invited!

Post # 22
Member
5279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@ VegasBaby: Ours is actually a lie, LOL, we can fit more people at our venue, we have just been telling people that we cant  But you would be telling the truth so even better!! You totally have a ligitemate reason on why you can’t invite more, you can truly say " I would if I could" and mean it!   

Post # 23
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@ AnnieAAA: we’re saying the same thing too! we can fit more but just handle the costs. We are having a super small wedding of 50 people only. It’s tough because I am Filipino and that means you’re suppose to invite your family plus the neighbors’ family, because they’re probably also Filipino… and then you have to invite your grandma’s mohjong friends – it gets mad crazy and FAST. But honestly, we told friends that thought they’d be invited that we would love to have them there, however we’re only inviting family and really close friends. Children won’t even be in attendance because of the costs. Most of the bummed faces (telling them in person is the worst!) cleared out pretty fast and then they understood that times are tough. I think that it’s a lot harder than you think, but once you practice it a few times it just gets easier.

Post # 24
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I totally understand.  It is hard. I agree with Janna, if you are truly having a small wedding, it s a bit easier to explain that to people. I had a friend who had a wedding like that.  I think she was concerned her friends would be offended.  No we weren’t.  We understood. 

But I think part of the difficulty is that the only things that seems to motivate family or friends (especially long distance) to get together are weddings and funerals.  So when an event goes by that some can’t make or aren’t invited to, I think that can be part of the hurt feelings. (??)  I just think sometimes people look forward to a wedding (at least in part) because it’s a fun/fancy night out.  And they get to see Aunt Ruth, when it’s been ages…..  To be honest, I’ve been to relatives’ weddings, in which I, of course wished them well, but wasn’t terribly close to them.  And really felt excited to wear a nice dress and have a fun time.  I hope I’m not the only one….

 

Post # 25
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Yeah this is a hard one that is specific to the people that you cannot invite.  People will react differently so there’s no "one" way of going about it.  I think saying that "due to the recession (I’m sorry but everyone understands this) you and your Fiance could only invite family and a much shorter list of close friends.  I’m guessing that some will feel slighted if you say "only family and close friends".  And you have a venue that has a 65 person capacity – by LAW you cannot invite any more people. Fire hazard.  Completely true.

As for family, my mother’s side of the family is huge (Greek) so I had her and a few other family members help me make them understand that it wasn’t a big fat Greek wedding and why.

People inviting or assuming that they are invited – friends or co-workers – I am sorry but that is an ego thing.  Not about your wedding because it’s just plain rude to invite yourself. So don’t feel bad about saying that it is an intimate affair.  Only have a small get together with other friends if you really want to. 

I know this goes against standard etiquette and maybe it’s because I live in LA where things are a little more relaxed but we decided to invite friends who would not be invited to the wedding to our engagement party.  This took major pressure off the friends we know cannot afford to travel across the country for our wedding. I am also including some of my west coast female friends in my shower – and even the bachelorette party in Palm Springs.  One of my dearest friends is a colorist and she works every weekend – it’s going to be tough for her to make the wedding but she is super excited to be at the shower and bacherolette party.

I’d divide and conquer with your fiance.  This is the not so fun part of planning but don’t feel bad.  People will get over it.  And no, you do not have to invite people just because you were invited to theirs. 

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