Let's Talk About Jack & Jills!

posted 3 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
47287 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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kristaalee :  The first thing I would do is check to see if Jack and Jills are acceptable where you live now.

Having attended one as a child isn’t enough of a base to go ahead with something that is an etiquette no-no in many places.

Post # 3
Member
725 posts
Busy bee

Jack and Jills are pretty much solely intended to raise money for the wedding, that’s why they have so many raffles/games at them. Registering on top of that would be so tacky, so I’d say a definite no no to that! 

People pay money to buy a ticket to your jack and jill, then spend a ton of money at the party. 

I love them, they are WAY less stuffy than traditional bridal showers. I say go for it and have fun, just don’t register 😊

Post # 4
Member
7470 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Registering for gifts for a fundraiser party is really uncool. 

 

Are Jack and Jills customary in your region? They seem most common in parts of Canada and might be confusing or off-putting for those who are not in an area where they are common.

Post # 6
Member
2328 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Stags are not fundraisers- they’re a guys night or weekend out.

I’ve never heard of a jack and Jill  but it sounds super tacky to me. If you can’t afford your wedding reception don’t have it, don’t expect me to help pay to come to it. If you can’t have your house and wedding too maybe re prioritise your funds. 

Post # 7
Member
839 posts
Busy bee

Jack and Jill’s are traditionally meant to raise money for the bride and groom. They are not meant as substitute’s for bridal showers, and people don’t typically bring gifts. If you choose to have one, please don’t register for gifts. Also, it’s usually the bridal party or family that organizes them, not the couple themselves.

In my opinion, Jack and Jill’s are super tacky. If you can’t afford the wedding you want, scale back. But to host an event purely to fundraise for a party? So gross

Post # 8
Member
47287 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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kristaalee :  The fact that you aren’t even sure what a Jack and Jill involves, is a good reason to do some  more research before you say “We’re planning on doing a Jack & Jill”.

Why would a Jack & Jill be an etiquette no no?

Because, it is not the guests’ responsibility to pay for your wedding. Another name for a Jack and Jill is a Stag and Doe.

Stags are also not generally fundraisers. They are simply a night out with the guys.

If you just want a co-ed event, you could have a co-ed shower, but, like any other shower, you don’t host it yourself. If someone offers to host a shower, you could ask if they would be willing to host a co-ed shower. Alternatively, you can decline their offer if you don’t want a typical shower.

 

Post # 9
Member
839 posts
Busy bee

If your intention is to have a party to celebrate the 2 of you (isn’t that the purpose of the wedding?), maybe just a traditional engagement party is a better fit for your expectations?

Post # 10
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Seems different in the US but where I come from a ‘Jack and Jill’ is just a cute way of saying joined ‘stag and doe’ or ‘hens and bucks’ night… Essentially the exact same as a bachelor or bachelorette party but without separating the genders. I have no idea about the fundraiser thing it symbolises elsewhere, so if you really just want to celebrate both of you together and don’t care about gifts, maybe view it that way?

Post # 11
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

See, where I live now, Stags/Stag n Drags/Stag n Doe/etc. are apparently normal. Everyone pays for a ticket to the bride and groom’s party to fund their wedding. I know it’s tradition here where I live/Canada, but I refuse to go to them and participate because I don’t believe in others funding my wedding/I think people need to throw the wedding that they can afford. I’m not knocking traditions, so if it works for you, great.

That said, I’ve heard of a Jack and Jill Party being like a combined bachelor/bachelorette party or a combined wedding shower. But it really depends on where are you live, by the sounds of it.

Post # 12
Member
3009 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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MrsCoffeeSnob :  Hello fellow Canadian bee 🙂 I was under the same impression as you, that a Stag and Doe is esentially a “fundraiser” for the bride and groom, but a Jack and Jill was like a combined bachelor/bachelorette party (no gift registries or entry tickets involved).

I have never heard of  Stag do where any fundraising was done whatsoever. 

We had a couple’s shower (thrown by my bridesmaids), which was esentially a brial shower where men were also invited. We had a registry for that. If I was invited to a Jack and Jill I would assume that it was not a gift giving event. 

OP what kind of party exactly are you wanting to have? 

Post # 13
Member
3400 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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kristaalee :  seems like you don’t even know what a J&J is really – which then tells me that they’re probably not a thing where you live, and so you shouldn’t do it. They’re largely considered really tacky (making an exception here for regional customs, which it sounds like you aren’t actually a part of)

Post # 14
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Jack & Jill’s  (Or Stag and Doe’s) where I come from do not get registries. You do not expect people to bring a gift or something if they are paying for a ticket to get in the door and spending money on drinks etc.

The concept is you either do a shower and a stag or the other way around. if you do a shower you get a registry but not both with a J&J.

If you haven’t been to one, have no idea about one, I wouldn’t advise throwing one. Go with a shower and such instead. 

Post # 15
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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MrsCoffeeSnob :  I feel the same way. Especially when people invite you to a stag and doe but not to a wedding. 

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