Post # 1
We’re planning on doing a Jack & Jill, instead of a wedding shower and a stag. If you had, are planning to have or have even been to a Jack & Jill recently — I need your input!
Should we still do a registry (norm for wedding showers)? Is it an event that people bring gifts to?
Should we do raffles/games with prizes to raise money (norm for stags)?
Is one or the other typical of Jack & Jills, or did you do both? Is there a certain etiquette to Jack & Jills?
We don’t need a whole lot of “stuff” so I’m not sure what we would even register for. We already live together and have the basics so it would be registering for nicer versions of the stuff we already have. We will be buying a house soon (hopefully before the wedding) so we will have a bigger space to fill but aren’t really in a rush.
I haven’t been to a Jack & Jill since one of my aunts had one when I was a kid so my knowledge in this area is rusty and internet searches have very conflicting ideas! Per usual, haha.
Post # 2
The first thing I would do is check to see if Jack and Jills are acceptable where you live now.
Having attended one as a child isn’t enough of a base to go ahead with something that is an etiquette no-no in many places.
Post # 3
Jack and Jills are pretty much solely intended to raise money for the wedding, that’s why they have so many raffles/games at them. Registering on top of that would be so tacky, so I’d say a definite no no to that!
People pay money to buy a ticket to your jack and jill, then spend a ton of money at the party.
I love them, they are WAY less stuffy than traditional bridal showers. I say go for it and have fun, just don’t register 😊
Post # 4
Registering for gifts for a fundraiser party is really uncool.
Are Jack and Jills customary in your region? They seem most common in parts of Canada and might be confusing or off-putting for those who are not in an area where they are common.
Post # 5
Why would a Jack & Jill be an etiquette no no? I didn’t know there were different regions where they were acceptable or not acceptable.
Thank you! That was my real question; maybe I phrased it wrong in the OP. I was mainly wondering if Jack & Jills were set up to raise money OR if people would just prefer that you register so that they can bring gifts and not spend money at the event. In that instance, we would still have games and such but just for fun and not that cost money to play. I wasn’t anticipating to register *and* raise money through the party, I just wasn’t completely sure which was more common for a Jack & Jill. So it sounds like it’s usually meant for raising money.
I wouldn’t say they are uncommon, but a lot of brides do stick to the typical bridal shower, which is just not something I’m interested in doing personally. I’d rather have an event that celebrates the two of us as a couple and not a day that is solely focused around me, if that makes sense. I don’t think it would be offputting because if we didn’t have a Jack & Jill, my fiance would have a stag which is a fundraiser event and those are common to the area.
Post # 6
Stags are not fundraisers- they’re a guys night or weekend out.
I’ve never heard of a jack and Jill but it sounds super tacky to me. If you can’t afford your wedding reception don’t have it, don’t expect me to help pay to come to it. If you can’t have your house and wedding too maybe re prioritise your funds.
Post # 7
Jack and Jill’s are traditionally meant to raise money for the bride and groom. They are not meant as substitute’s for bridal showers, and people don’t typically bring gifts. If you choose to have one, please don’t register for gifts. Also, it’s usually the bridal party or family that organizes them, not the couple themselves.
In my opinion, Jack and Jill’s are super tacky. If you can’t afford the wedding you want, scale back. But to host an event purely to fundraise for a party? So gross
Post # 8
The fact that you aren’t even sure what a Jack and Jill involves, is a good reason to do some more research before you say “We’re planning on doing a Jack & Jill”.
Why would a Jack & Jill be an etiquette no no?
Because, it is not the guests’ responsibility to pay for your wedding. Another name for a Jack and Jill is a Stag and Doe.
Stags are also not generally fundraisers. They are simply a night out with the guys.
If you just want a co-ed event, you could have a co-ed shower, but, like any other shower, you don’t host it yourself. If someone offers to host a shower, you could ask if they would be willing to host a co-ed shower. Alternatively, you can decline their offer if you don’t want a typical shower.
Post # 9
If your intention is to have a party to celebrate the 2 of you (isn’t that the purpose of the wedding?), maybe just a traditional engagement party is a better fit for your expectations?
Post # 10
Seems different in the US but where I come from a ‘Jack and Jill’ is just a cute way of saying joined ‘stag and doe’ or ‘hens and bucks’ night… Essentially the exact same as a bachelor or bachelorette party but without separating the genders. I have no idea about the fundraiser thing it symbolises elsewhere, so if you really just want to celebrate both of you together and don’t care about gifts, maybe view it that way?
Post # 11
See, where I live now, Stags/Stag n Drags/Stag n Doe/etc. are apparently normal. Everyone pays for a ticket to the bride and groom’s party to fund their wedding. I know it’s tradition here where I live/Canada, but I refuse to go to them and participate because I don’t believe in others funding my wedding/I think people need to throw the wedding that they can afford. I’m not knocking traditions, so if it works for you, great.
That said, I’ve heard of a Jack and Jill Party being like a combined bachelor/bachelorette party or a combined wedding shower. But it really depends on where are you live, by the sounds of it.
Post # 12
Hello fellow Canadian bee 🙂 I was under the same impression as you, that a Stag and Doe is esentially a “fundraiser” for the bride and groom, but a Jack and Jill was like a combined bachelor/bachelorette party (no gift registries or entry tickets involved).
I have never heard of Stag do where any fundraising was done whatsoever.
We had a couple’s shower (thrown by my bridesmaids), which was esentially a brial shower where men were also invited. We had a registry for that. If I was invited to a Jack and Jill I would assume that it was not a gift giving event.
OP what kind of party exactly are you wanting to have?
Post # 13
seems like you don’t even know what a J&J is really – which then tells me that they’re probably not a thing where you live, and so you shouldn’t do it. They’re largely considered really tacky (making an exception here for regional customs, which it sounds like you aren’t actually a part of)
Post # 14
Jack & Jill’s (Or Stag and Doe’s) where I come from do not get registries. You do not expect people to bring a gift or something if they are paying for a ticket to get in the door and spending money on drinks etc.
The concept is you either do a shower and a stag or the other way around. if you do a shower you get a registry but not both with a J&J.
If you haven’t been to one, have no idea about one, I wouldn’t advise throwing one. Go with a shower and such instead.
Post # 15
I feel the same way. Especially when people invite you to a stag and doe but not to a wedding.