Post # 16
Wow this post is very interesting to me. I’m in the northeast US and a jack n Jill here is literally just a joint bachelor/bachelorette party where you all go out together instead of having separate parties. They aren’t usually popular here I’ve been to only one but have been to countless weddings… It’s a cool concept if only for the joint party thing. I’ve never heard of a fundraising portion of it, that sounds pretty tacky (sorry if that offends anyone).
Post # 17
Raffles and games to raise money for yourself and your wedding?
Can anyone else tell me if this is common? This sounds so crude and tacky to me.
Post # 18
Wow. These responses are not what I was expecting at all but it’s very interesting to me.
We wouldn’t be throwing the J&J ourselves; it would be done by the wedding party who has already offered and is open to any idea of shower/party that we would prefer.
I am not expecting anyone else to pay for our wedding. The “fundraising” idea is weird to me in general and not something I’m comfortable with but the idea of people buying gifts for us just because we’re getting married (as is typical with a shower) is also somewhat odd to me even though it’s very common here. Not to mention many people bring gifts to the shower & then also give a monetary gift at the wedding with a card — it’s too much in my opinion.
For those saying that a stag is just a party for the men to go out and celebrate, that is *not* what it is here (New England, US). Here we have bachelor/bachelorette parties for that. A stag is a separate event for males (wedding party, friends, family) and money is typically raised through tickets to the event, games and raffles. It’s usually a few weeks before the wedding so it’s not meant to pay for the wedding as it would already be mostly paid for at that point. The money is more of a gift toward to the groom/couple and there’s usually a 50/50 raffle where one of the guests ends up with half of the money as well. Maybe that’s not typical outside of this region but I can say that it’s very common here (I’ve never heard of a Doe party).
Honestly, I would prefer not to have any kind of shower/party before the wedding but it’s very important to our families and wedding party as it’s the “traditional” thing to do. Granted, a bridal shower/stag are the typical events here as opposed to a J&J. We are mainly just looking for one joint event instead of two which is where the idea of J&J came from. For those that recommended a co-ed wedding shower, that sounds perfect so I’ll look into it! 🙂
Post # 19
- Wedding: July 2017 - State Park
Holy shit your privilege is showing, PPs. 🙄
OP, looks like you’re from Connecticut. I grew up in eastern Connecticut (we all know that what side of the river you’re on makes a big difference) and the kind of Jack & Jill you’re referencing is pretty common. People even advertise theirs in the Shopper’s Guide/Turnpike Buyer if I remember correctly. So take everyone here with a giant grain of salt. If a Jack & Jill is something your circle would or has attended, go for it!
My understanding is that tickets are sold through family/friends and then raffles and games happen at the event. I’ve never been to one, but someone I used to be close with just had one a few weeks ago. The idea is to raise money for the wedding, and it’s in general not something super classy like a shower can be, but typically more fun. A lot of times people will “buy tickets” to support you but won’t plan to attend. I get the sense that they’re usually a pot luck kind of thing as well.
It’s totally acceptable where you’re from, contrary to what other people are trying to tell you about where you live, just not insanely common either so it makes sense for you to be unsure. If you think it suits you, go for it and maybe ask whoever would offer to throw you a shower to do that instead.
Register after the event but before the wedding if you plan to register at all.
Post # 20
kristaalee : yeah a lot of this is regional, so take with a grain of salt. It sounds like you want a co-ed shower, and if your wedding party wants to throw one for you, go for it!
Personally I hate showers and all associated games, the j and j you mentioned sounded more fun. Maybe whoever offers to host can go with that kind of idea, with a registry but minus the fundraising:-)
Post # 21
I cannot get on board with the idea of buying tickets to a wedding fundraiser, so tacky imo.
Post # 22
sapphire27 : I’m actually in NW Pennsylvania, but I guess the tradition came across Lake Erie! It’s funny to see how a party name has so many connotations across the world 🙂
Post # 23
This isn’t done where I live but if it’s common where you are… go for it.
Post # 25
sarahparkview : & BalletParker : Thanks for understanding where I’m coming from. I was starting to feel insane! I’ll definitely talk to those that would be hosting to see what kind of idea they/we can come up with that involves both sides. 🙂 A co-ed shower seems like it might be a happy medium. And Sarah, your description was pretty spot on – like you said, a lot of people “buy tickets” without even planning to attend just as a way to support the couple and they tend to be more relaxed/laid back/fun then a traditional bridal shower would be.
Post # 26
Co-ed shower certainly sounds more like what you want.
Post # 27
It seems contradictory to me that you say you don’t care about gifts/want friends and family to spend unnecessary money but then want to throw an event whose whole purpose is to raise money for you. It also looks like it’s something that’s not done in your area so I wouldn’t start now. I actually just went to an awesome co ed wedding party. I wouldn’t even call it a shower because most people just brought cards and things like champagne and there was no opening of the few gifts that we’re brought. Instead we had brunch and drinks and played games. (And nobody had to pay a fee to get in or pay to play the games)
Post # 28
OP if you’re uncomfortable with the idea, you can tell your wedding party no if you want to. At the end of the day they’re having it for you.
To all the previous posters who are showing their privilege so hard it’s sickening: seriously if you don’t like the idea of a Jack and Jill/Stag and Doe/Whatever just don’t buy a ticket if you’re invited to one of these events, and maybe mind your own business, maybe? Just a thought?
Fiance and I are having one (we’ve sold well over 200 tickets) and no one where I’m from seems to have an issue with it. That’s 200 people (And we’re well on the way to selling more, that not only disagree with your obvious privlige, but bought a ticket or two on the premise that they wanted have a good time and support a couple they like, so maybe you’re wrong on the basis that it might not be acceptable where you’re from, but it is accceptable other places. Maybe just come to understand that other places have other acceptable customs and you can actually be wrong.
Post # 29
thesoontobemrsv : To all the previous posters who are showing their privilege so hard it’s sickening: seriously if you don’t like the idea of a Jack and Jill/Stag and Doe/Whatever just don’t buy a ticket if you’re invited to one of these events, and maybe mind your own business, maybe? Just a thought?
I really don’t see how it’s ‘showing privelege’ to not like the idea of a fund raiser for your wedding?
And mind your own business? What are you talking about, OP is asking for opinions! People are allowed to comment even if they disagree with your opinion, and no it doesn’t make it ‘wrong’.
The idea of a shower also makes me pretty uncomfortable but I think selling tickets to fund your wedding is way worse.
Post # 30
thesoontobemrsv : The irony of you telling another poster to have the wedding she can afford while selling 200 tickets to fund your own wedding.