- 2 years ago
- Wedding: July 2017
I’m about to go on a rant.
OP, I learned really quick that weddingbee is NOT the place to ask for advice about stag and does, as a large portion of bees find them offensive and “tacky” (can we all get another word please?)
That being said, WHERE I’M FROM (southwestern Ontario, Canada)… jack and Jill’s (we call them “stag and does”) are VERY popular here. I have attended several, and see at least one post per weekend on my Facebook about someone attending one.
WE opted for a stag and doe instead of a bridal shower. Why? Here were my reasons:
1) we already live together, so holding a “pre-wedding event where people give us housewares gifts” seemed pointless.
(also can we just talk about how showers *an event where people give you GIFTS before your actual wedding and then again on your wedding* are appropriate/ not tacky but stag and does *an event where people give you MONEY before your actual wedding then again on your wedding* ARE tacky? Hmmm…)
2. I find bridal showers INCREDIBLY lame (yes I said it). There is not a single wedding shower I have ever been to where I’ve enjoyed myself. You guys want to talk about tacky? Tell me how many times you can play “make a toilet paper wedding dress” before your eye starts twitching. A stag and doe seemed more fun for us, and as much side-eye as I got from my 85 year old grandmother for opting out of a traditional wedding shower( “well what about all the older women who wanted one?!” She complained)… she actually had a GREAT time at our stag and doe… and so did all the “older women”.
3. I HATE being the center of attention. Seriously nothing makes me cringe more than thinking about opening presents in front of a bunch of relatives I’m not super close with. Or playing horrible wedding themed games all about me and my wedding. Yuck. A stag and doe allowed us to *mingle*, people got to bring their friends or significant others, and most importantly… they got to drink, let loose and ENJOY THEMSELVES.
We never heard anyone complain or find our stag and doe offensive. In fact, our friends and family were more than happy to support us/ buy tickets/ attend…. so were our family’s friends, our friends’ friends, co-workers, acquaintances….
We charged 20$ per ticket and that included all you can eat (catered) beef, pulled pork and chicken tacos, as well as all you can drink beer. We had people come for that alone because the tickets were so cheap for what people got. We also called ours a “buck and doe”, and while it wasn’t as “classy” as a bridal shower *cue women in sundresses sipping mimosas*, we had a Hunting and fishing theme, TONS of unique and fun games (a fishing game, Antler ring toss, a “sharp shooter” game, a game where you had to throw toilet paper rolls into the toilet of the “outhouse” we built)… and awesome prizes. (Seriously the level of competition for winning prizes at our stag and doe was hilarious).
But most importantly, people had a GOOD TIME! We got tons of compliments about how it was the “most fun and most organized” stag and doe people had ever been to.
So honestly OP, if they are something you are considering, and you’re not the first person ever to throw one in your area (although even if you were… traditions started somewhere AMIRITE?), I say go for it. Just make the focus on it being a fun night for people and not so “give us all the money you have.. let’s see how much we can possibly make”. My cousin and his fiancée were VERY pushy at their stag and doe about going around and trying to get people to spend money. She even gave attitude when I didn’t want to sign up for a really awkward and inappropriate game because MY ENTIRE FAMILY WAS THERE, being snarky to me and saying “oh gimme a break it’s only five dollars”… THAT I found a bit rude). I think people are less likely to get offended if you plan with your guests’ happiness in mind instead of seeing how much money you can possibly save/ make (even if it IS a “fundraiser”). Good luck!