Let's talk about…masturbation habits

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I don’t know what my husband masturbates to. I don’t really feel like it’s any of my business. We all have a right to some semblance of privacy. 

I would not be happy to know he does it thinking about someone we know so I don’t ask. 

Post # 3
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2020 - Hampton, VA

Yeah all of it makes me uncomfortable so I don’t ask.

I’m not cool with porn. I don’t like the idea of him looking at anyone else while pleasing himself..

So yeah I’d rather just not know.

Post # 4
4482 posts
Honey bee

I’m cool with all of it as long as it isn’t violent or illegal (i.e.underage).  I’m not the thought police.  I don’t feel the need to be privy to or try to control his every sexual thought and I’m not going to pretend that I’m the only person out of 7 billion people he finds attractive.  It isn’t like he is whacking off to the neighbor while staring at them through a peephole.  People are entitled to their thoughts and I don’t feel the need to interrogate him about it.

Now if whatever it is is interfering with our relationship or ability to have a satisfying sex life (i.e. he doesn’t want to have sex with me because he spent all day beating himself off at the thought of the cute waitress who gave him extra fries), then we might have a problem.

Post # 5
47204 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Everyone is entitled to fantasize about whatever or whoever they want during masturbation. Masturbation is normal and healthy.

Post # 6
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I don’t care that he masturbates and I don’t know nor do I care what he masturbates to (unless it’s illegal). None of my business.

Post # 7
713 posts
Busy bee

My Fiance masturbates frequently. It doesn’t bother me. He only does it in the shower though and will tell me that he’s going to do it because sometimes I like to watch. Maybe I’m weird but it kind of turns me on, so we’ll usually have sex later in the day if he masturbates during his morning shower. My Fiance has a VERY high sex drive – he’d want it 2x per day if I was willing. My sex drive is lower – I’m good with 3-4 times per week, so he makes up for his high sex drive by masturbating and I’m totally cool with it. 

Post # 8
9616 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

His masturbation habits are his business. I’ve never thought to ask or even wondered about when he masturbates or what he uses to get off. I honestly have no idea how often he does it. I just don’t care at all. And I have zero problems with porn, we’ve watched it together I don’t care if he watches it alone. I don’t care if he thinks about someone else either, he’s not acting on it so whatever he can think about whatever he wants.

He never asks me about my masturbation habits either. 

Post # 9
5951 posts
Bee Keeper

caligirl3 :   “Based on my own research….” 


I really need to know what research you’ve conducted now. 

Post # 10
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I don’t care if my SO does it, but I also don’t care to know when/how often/to what he does it. 

Post # 11
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I don’t know how often he does it or what he does it to as it’s none of my business. I don’t have the time to monitor his mind-masturbation connection.

Post # 13
3582 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

caligirl3 :  Darling Husband rarely masturbates (basically only when we’re separated) as my sex Drive is higher than his and he’d rather have sex with me that jack himself off. And when we are separated, it usually turns into more of a phone sex type thing. That said, he will sometimes pull up some porn to get in the mood, and i have no issues with that and can quite enjoy it myself. As for his thoughts? No idea. But we discuss pretty much everything and i think we would have told me (as we’ve had convos down that line before). Not sure if it would bother me to know or not

Post # 14
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

My SO could be thinking about a furnance when jacking off and I wouldn’t give a single shit. 

I am not going to try to be a dictator of his thoughts, nor am I ignorant in believing I’m the only woman he’s ever been attracted to. Newsflash: I’m also attracted to other men (which is perfectly normal).

As long as he doesn’t act on any thoughts of other people, and our sex life is unaffected by his masterbation, we’re good.

Oh, and he watches porn when masturbating, I watch porn while masterbating, and we’ve watched porn together! Don’t find any problem with it.

Post # 15
1081 posts
Bumble bee

What research? Did you post a poll at the water cooler or something? Details needed.

I think relationships have room for mystery.

I’ve never asked a romantic partner what they think of when they masterbate,. if porn is involved, as long as everybody is of legal age and not being coerced to work in porn, I don’t care.

If my partner thinks about my beautiful co-worker, or a porn star with a perfect body, I don’t want to know. I’ll just end up comparing myself to her and feeling jealous. Why do that to yourself?

Or what if it’s something weird, like he’s jerking off while thinking of your grandma or your sister? I DON’T WANT TO KNOW. Or a woman and a horse? Or a squid? Or wearing dirty diapers? There are thousands of fetishes, and everybody wants to think their partner would never get off to dirty diapers.

Well guess what?

Somebody does!!

Asking and getting an honest answer may not make you feel good.

Don’t police other peoples imaginations. You will be much happier.

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