Post # 1
Member
4420 posts
Honey bee
I was reading one of the threads devoted to those who are CBC (Child Free by Choice) and saw how heated everything got. It was frustrating because people were sharing really personal decisions and it turned into an argument for several pages. So, I want to try something that may be a bit scary, but may hopefully lets people share their personal story without feeling judged (if you feel like judging, leave the thread). I want to here from EVERYONE–those who are childless (want children but not yet, on the fence about children, struggle to conceive, etc.), CBC (never want children), and parents. Share your personal story. Why are you one of these (childless, CBC, or a parent)? What made you choose this lifestyle for yourself or you and your SO?
Disclaimer: There are going to be people you disagree with. This thread is NOT intended to be your soap box speech on why one choice is better than the other but to actually support each other’s life choices. Please leave out any name-calling and keep it civil.
Post # 2
Member
4420 posts
Honey bee
I will get the ball rolling…
DH and I are currently childless with the hopes of becoming parents within the next two years. I’m not going to lie and say I love all children, because that is bullshit. I’m a teacher…I actually get quite sick of some people’s children throughout the school year. I have always wanted to be a mother. It just seems to be a part of who I am. It’s actually really hard for me to explain because it’s just a feeling that being someone’s mom is something that is meant for me. DH is the same and cannot wait to be a father. When we first talked about whether we wanted children he told me it was one of the biggest goals of his life-to be a good father who was always there to guide and support his kids. He grew up with a horrible father and a somewhat neglectful mother and wants nothing more than to be different than both of them when we have our children.
You know how you yearn for something (for some it may be learning, traveling, etc.)? That’s how I feel about becoming a parent. I know it’s best to wait (we will start trying next summer) to get stuff ready to bring a baby into our relationship, but sometimes I ache to be a mother.
Please share your choice! I’d love to hear it all!
Post # 3
Member
45637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
KatiePi: I have to laugh every time I see an appeal (or directive depending on how you look at it) like this.
Please leave out any name-calling and keep it civil.
Do you seriously think that your telling everyone in the playground to “play nice” is going to make a difference.
It doesn’t work with kids and it won’t work with the internet.
I realize you have good intentions but opening a thread with a lecture somehow doesn’t work for me.
WeddingBee has Terms of Service. If you see them being violated, flag the post and let the Mods take care of it.
Post # 4
Member
4420 posts
Honey bee
julies1949: So you decided to come into this thread where my purpose was to hear about people’s life choice and completely disregard the intent to lecture me instead? What a great way to start what was supposed to be a supportive thread. I welcome you to stay if you want to add anything related to the OP.
Post # 5
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
FI and I are childless atm, and because we’re a gay couple we need to have IVF to conceive. We plan on using her eggs and my uterus, and then my eggs and her uterus, along with a sperm donor to have children. This way, it feels like our children will be fully ours, which of course they will be anyway but I hope you understand what I mean. I’m hoping we’ll have at least one child within the next five years
Post # 6
Member
4420 posts
Honey bee
Mrs_Purple: I do understand and think that’s really cool. That means you would each be able to carry one of your children to term and go through childbirth. Do you know how many children you would like?
Post # 7
Member
1195 posts
Bumble bee
KatiePi: FI and I are CBC, at least currently. I think at my age (33) I have my mind pretty made up but have told him if he really wants to procreate, he will have to make a decision in about a year and a half – which will be our wedding date. He is 30. I always thought that the “biological clock” would go off and I’d totally be down for that ride. It just never did. I find children mostly repulsive though some of them have their moments (basically family relations). And of course, with anyone, when it’s your own, it’s completely different. So, that being said, I’m totally willing to try it once for him (god forbid I’d get pregnant with twins or more!! It’d be nuts!) as I think we would actually be good parents, despite what it sounds like above! I’m no perfect 50’s housewife mom, nor is he the perfect TV dad, but I think we’d be damn good at bringing a well educated, independant person into the world. I’m honest about it, and no one has to like or agree with it.
Post # 8
Member
4420 posts
Honey bee
Ninebones: That’s really interesting. I think that technically makes you childless (I’ve learned from the CBC threads that to truly be CBC you would never want children under any circumstance) for the time being until you decide one way (to become a parent) or the other (to not). I appreciate the honesty! Where are you guys planning on getting married?
Post # 9
Member
1195 posts
Bumble bee
KatiePi: My bad, I wasn’t sure of the baby fever-term-specifics lol. Either way, we currently have no kids, just cats, and for now, we’re totally cool with that! We are looking at October/Early November of 2015 to be married.
Post # 10
Member
4420 posts
Honey bee
Ninebones: No worries! Oh awesome! We had a winter wedding (Dec. 2013) and loved that time of year. October or November would be beautiful with fall in full swing.
Post # 11
Member
1410 posts
Bumble bee
We’ve always wanted kids and we are currently childless but TTC. We found out recently I may suffer from PCOS and I’ve been devastated over that but we are open to the idea of adoption through the foster care system so I’m starting to look into that option as well.
Post # 12
Member
10509 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
KatiePi: Why is someone who is certain they want children considered childfree, but someone who isn’t sure yet, or just doesn’t want them yet considered childless?
Using the narrow definitions, I am CBC for now. I’m getting to the point where the probability of that changing is getting fairly small.
Post # 13
Member
4420 posts
Honey bee
SavannahJunemann1: I’m really sorry about your diagnosis. I know I’ve seen a support thread (you may already be on it) for Bees TTC with PCOS.
AB Bride: From what I’ve read on several CBC threads (and I’d love if soemone who was CBC could come in and explain it better): To be truly CBC you don’t want to have children at all, under any circumstance. Being childless is totally different-you may or may not want kids but do not have them currently for several different reasons. I’ve seen Bees who are unsure if they want children told they are childless until they make the decision to never have children, and then they are CBC.
Post # 14
Member
1410 posts
Bumble bee
KatiePi: I’m pretty sure I have seen it and may have commented but haven’t been active yet. I was just told this past Friday 6/20/14 and she’s pretty sure but not 100%. It does fit with a lot of problems I do have.
Post # 15
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
KatiePi: FI and I are CBC (choice) because neither of us have a parental bone in our bodies. We don’t like children and don’t see the appeal. I won’t list all the reasons we don’t want children because I can honestly say there isn’t ONE reason we would have children.
I think not wanting a child is reason enough to not have one. I don’t think it would be fair to the child to have one just so there will be someone to take care of you when you’re old (not guarenteed anyway) or because you feel you’re “supposed to”. We just don’t want any and that’s that.
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