(Closed) Letting another woman ride on your man's motorcycle?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
7418 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Zhabeego:  “The OP made her feelings about this clear and her husband agreed to do it anyway. Not cool. Her feelings and comfort should be more important than making sure Amy doesn’t Have to entertain herself for an afternoon.”

while I agree that the op’s husband shouldn’t have gone back on his word, I disagree that one partner’s feelings and comfort automatically trumps the other’s. Sometimes, people have unrealistic expectations and need to compromise, and that may mean being forced outside of your comfort zone or allowing your partner to do something you may not 100% understand or agree with. it is a lesson we can all learn.

Post # 32
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Zhabeego:  “When you ride on the back of a bike, your body is pressed against the driver, you have your arms around them and your chin on their shoulder.  It’s hardly the same as driving in a car with them.  “

Oh really? I didn’t know that. Thanks for clarifying. Do you know how I can learn how to walk and chew gum at the same time? I’m really struggling with that one. And when I mix red and blue paint, I keep getting magenta, what’s up with that? If I think about it hard enough, can I get it to turn green instead? 

Seriously, did you even read my post before replying to it? Because I said my Fiance has a motorcycle. I really didn’t need the how-to. Thanks anyway. 

Anyway, apparently that isn’t the point, and she trusts her husband. It’s about this being her seat.

Post # 33
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

It kind of sounds like Amy just wants to check out the beautiful scenery.  I’m not sure where this is, but 6 months from now it’ll be the end of October.  Where I’m from “bike season” is well over by then.

Post # 34
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center

Well, my Fiance doesn’t even have friends that are female so this would be a no-go in my book anyway.

I think people are changing this from a ‘the OP is feeling uneasy about a situation for whatever reason’ to ‘it’s not okay versus it is okay to have a female ride with a guy who is not her husband.’

The latter is not the issue. The issue is that the OP does not like the idea of another woman on the back of a motorcycle with her husband, gallavanting around the town while she is stuck at work. I would have an issue with it, too.

OP, I would try and talk it out more with your husband. Explain to him that it makes you uneasy, uncomfortable, and frankly he should care more about your feelings than Amy being lonely.

 

Post # 35
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

rachel85:  Its an unreasonable request in your opinion. Obviously, lots of other people see it differently.  To suggest the OP’s husband should leave her over it is ridiculous and oddly hostile.

People are entitled to hammer out and structure their relationships as they see fit.  The OP expressed her feelings prior to her husband making this agreement.  It’s a very small thing to ask and is not at all comparable to any of the silly scenarios you posited.  He should have honored her feelings above accommodating two relative strangers.  Asking your spouse to consider and honor your feelings is not controlling.  It’s how relationships work.  I think it’s a bit uncool of Amy and/or John to insist on going along.  

If the OP were freaking out anytime her husband was within 100 yards of another female, that would be an issue.  This really isn’t. 

Post # 36
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Not saying either party is in the right, but why on earth does Amy need to go anyway? Does she not have a car/bike/feet/brain to get her somewhere else or find something to do while John learns?

Post # 37
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Horseradish:  I completely agree with you.

In this case, I think it’s likely the husband just felt awkward saying no and didn’t.  I mean, while he may not object to Amy riding with him, it’s not like he specifically wanted her too or really cares if she does so in this case, I think the OP’s feelings, particularly since she stated them before her husband agreed to carry Amy, take precedence.  

Post # 38
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee

rachel85:  The OP is throwing a tantrum like a child, and showing her husband how controlling and insecure she is. Maybe he should ride off into the sunset.

um whoa! Why are you coming across so strongly? Are you Amy? Your hostility is making me uncomfortable, let’s tone several notches and be civil. Do you know the OP so well from this one thread you feel you can call her controlling and insecure and compare her to your 5 year old niece? Even if I felt the OP was overreacting, all you’re giving is so extra…chill out homie…

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by  .
Post # 39
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I don’t think it matters what the issue at hand is; your husband should put your concerns first.  I agree with other posters who asked why Amy even goes along… if she’s riding behind your husband it’s not like she’s spending time with her boyfriend.  I really think your husband should respect your opinion/discomfort, especially since he had already agreed to it before.  I also think it’s weird that he only schedules these rides for when you’re working… why wouldn’t he want you to come along, too?  Because he’s worried about what Amy will be doing all day?  I don’t think your husband is guilty of anything but it’s just kinda weird and would make me uncomfortable.

Post # 40
Member
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Meh, We don’t ride motorcycles but we do jet ski a lot and if a woman wanted to ride on the back of it while my Darling Husband drove I don’t think I would even blink… and there is a LOT less clothing involved with that.

I am a pretty jealous person too… I just don’t think I would think about it.

But I suppose it is different in the sense that a jet ski ride and an all day motorcycle ride have totally different purposes. DH’s main objective would be to jump waves and or send the passenger flying off because its fun. Lol.

I can see both sides here, but honestly… do you really want your Darling Husband to say “You can’t come because my wife has said no other females can sit here?” I would be embarrassed if Darling Husband said that to someone about me.

I would tell Darling Husband I wasn’t thrilled, but that I understood this as a one time situation. But ideally I wouldn’t want it to happen again.

Post # 41
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

MrsTeasandkeys:  Her Darling Husband doesn’t have to say that.

He can say that the purpose of the trip is to get John comfortable on the bike – not a pleasure ride – so it would be better for just the two of them to go – when can they make that work? 

Post # 42
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Riding on the back of someone’s motorcyle is a very intimate experience. Not only are you pressed against them, but you have to trust them 100%. They could kill you in a heartbeat if they’re not careful. Do people really NOT find that experience to be intimate??

I would also have a pretty large problem with my husband taking another woman on the back of his motorcycle. If someone genuinely doesn’t find bike-sharing to be an intimate experience, then I guess they wouldn’t have any problem with it. But OP does feel that way, so it’s not okay for her husband to do this. That doesn’t make her insane or controlling. We all have our boundaries.

Post # 43
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

To those who keep saying “why would he schedule this during OP’s working hours?  Why can’t OP come?”

I think because of simple logistics.  There are two bikes.  John is on one.  OP’s Darling Husband is on the other.  There are two potential passenger seats.  One of those seats is with John, the inexperienced rider.  John and OP’s Darling Husband have decided he isn’t ready for a passenger.  Thus there is one passenger seat.  If Amy goes, OP cannot.  If OP goes, Amy cannot.  It’s simple logic.

Unless for some reason there’s a third bike that OP can ride, or she follows in a car.

OP’s Darling Husband probably scheduled it for times when OP was at work so he didn’t leave OP alone all day.

Post # 44
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Well, if you’re looking for opinions – I’m with your husband. I don’t think it’s a big deal for him to take another girl for a ride, when it’s with her boyfriend. It’s not like they’re going out on a date, alone. And there’s a good reason she isn’t riding with her boyfriend. And if she’s new to the area, she likely doesn’t know many people and would like to see the area. I get the whole intimate aspect since you are, indeed, straddling the bike and putting your arms around the person in front, but, to me, it’s not that intimate. Plenty of people ride with relatives or their parents and that surely isn’t sexual. 

I’ve never owned a bike, but I’ve dated guys that did and had a roomate that rode. When I was dating the guy with a bike it never occured to me to be possessive over “my seat”. I don’t really remember if he drove any of his female friends around during that time because it wasn’t that big of a deal to me. And my roomate that had a bike drove me around all the time regardless of whether or not he had a girlfriend at the time. His long term girlfriend was one of my best friends and I’m pretty sure she didn’t have a problem with me riding with him, on occasion. 

So you and your guy need to talk about this and come to an understanding. I happen to understand his point of view, but you have your right to your concerns as well. Talk it out. Personally, I’d just let her ride with him until her boyfriend gets comfortable and she can ride with him. Then you guys can all four go out riding!

Post # 45
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee

As long as John is there I don’t see a problem with it, but if you told him no, the no is no

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