(Closed) Letting down my Mother and Grandmother?(long)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1347 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m so sorry you have to go through this, at a time that should be fun and happy. You’re right, needing to keep “defending” your own dream wedding to two v. important people in your life is going to be too hard, frustrating, and draining to sustain for the next year. If possible, I would sit down with both of them together and calmly explain everything as you explained above. If that’s not possible, write letters to both of them. They need to hear it! You could include that you care about them both, but that it is your wedding and you want it to be as lovely and stress-free as possible. Let them know that you appreciate their wanting to help, but you’re worried that will lead to the wedding turning into something it’s not. Then sit back and see what happens. If it still gets out of hand… you just have to be firm. It’s your wedding, you’re paying for it, and they’ll get over it. Good luck!

Post # 4
4465 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

First, stop looking at it as “letting them down” and think about it as “doing things differently.”

PP is right…they’ll get over it.  My mom was so disappointed/mad that I don’t want long dresses, roses as flowers, ceremony in a church, reception at the place she wanted, a big poofy dress, on and on and on.

I told her (as nicely as possible) that I appreciate her input, but at the end of the day, it’s me and FI’s wedding, not the one she wished she had.  She pouted for a while, then got over it.  Now we do tons of planning and stuff together, even though she doesn’t always agree with me. 

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