(Closed) Letting down potential guests

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
7357 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think you’re going to have to call these folks personally. No texts/Facebook/emails.

even better, find a bigger venue.

there is simply no nice way to explain to someone that they didn’t make the guest list, especially after you went asking them for addresses to mail invitations. Be prepared for lots of hurt feelings.

Post # 3
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014


Horseradish:  agreed


justlovelyxo:  there really isn’t a nice way to do this.  It’s almost as bad as sending a save the date and not sending an invite.  Be prepared for some hurt feelings if you actually go through with this.  I would try to find a bigger venue if your budget allows.  If not you are just going to have to bite the bullet and call them and explain your situation.  

Post # 4
805 posts
Busy bee

justlovelyxo: Most people understand that not everyone can be invited to every wedding, but to strongly imply they will be and then change your mind is really rude, there’s no escaping that and there’s no nice way to do it. You should change your venue to accomodate all the people you added to the group, but as it sounds like you have no intention of doing that, the least you could do is call them. Just deleting them from the group with no explanation is pretty cold.

Post # 6
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

justlovelyxo:  eeeek. 

“If you would like an invite, leave an address” so you potentially made it open season for people to expect to be invited. 

I know you were excited, but I think this is going to leave you with a lot of hurt feelings from friends. 

Post # 7
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

justlovelyxo:  Im really sorry but there is no good way to deal with this aside from invitng everyone. I understand you were excited but you really really need to understand that people wil be seriously hurt if they are not invited after everything you did with the FB group.

I would do everything I could to find another venue if I were you. 

Post # 8
1894 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Sorry OP, you messed up! You should have thought it through more, but I think it was an innocent mistake. I hope you find a good solution and enjoy planning your wedding! 

Post # 9
3267 posts
Sugar bee

I would change the type of event to something smaller, like a cake and punch reception or just snacks as opposed to a full meal. Unfortunately you’ve already really implied they are on the guest list and it is the only way top save face.

Post # 10
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

justlovelyxo:  This is why social media and weddings should not mix!  Warn your friends that become engaged not to do this.  There really aren’t any “rules” for social media other than use your best judgement.

After reading your description of the FB group, it’s not as bad as it sounded in the opening post.  It’s been over a year since you opened the group.  I would only worry about the ones that actually expressed a desire to come.  I wouldnt worry about the others.  It’s really not ideal but there’s no point in dwelling on what you should/shouldn’t have done.  Fixing the problem is whats most important.

Guest lists are the hardest part.  How many people are you over?  

I will tell you the truth, I ran a B list.  I know a lot of people here frown upon them.  If you want to know how I did it, you can PM me.  Would rather not discuss that publicly as they tend to get some bees all sorts of turnt up.

Post # 12
135 posts
Blushing bee

you have adresses now so delete the facebook page and maybe even your account (temporarily you can always reactivate the day after the wedding) ! If not Keep everything on the down low no need to update your social media for every detail of wedding preparations . 

Post # 13
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

partyplanner83:  After reading your description of the FB group, it’s not as bad as it sounded in the opening post.

Really?  I thought the description made it sound worse!  

  • Also, if you would like an invite please leave us your mailing address so that we will have it when we do start finalizing plans. :) 
  • We really would love for our families and friends to be a part of this very special day.

This pretty much makes it clear that everyone who wants to come is welcome – all you need to do is leave your address in the comments below.  Now the OP is suddenly saying that people aren’t good enough to be part of her very special day.  

Sorry, OP, but you really put your foot in it big time with this one.  I agree with PPs that you really need to change your venue to accomodate everyone.  You’re going to have some major egg on your face otherwise, and possibly some lost friendships.  And I correct in understanding your current venue will not accomodate everyone who is invited to the reception for the ceremony as well (as in 75 people can come to the ceremony, but you’re inviting more than that to the reception)?  *cringe*

Post # 14
3688 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Your list is already 30 people over the max with just your side included? I think you need to rethink your venue choice, even if you don’t seem to think it’s possible.

Post # 15
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well if you don’t mind losing thoes FB friends, tell them that you changed your mind, after all they aren’t good enough to actually attend your wedding after you’ve invited them so it should not be a big deal that they are out of your life.

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