Post # 1
I need to know if I’m over reacting to this or if I need to let it go and how to handle future comments I know will be coming.
Background: My Fiance and I have been together for two and a half years and got engaged this holiday season. He is 27 and I am 21. We visit his sister who lives four hours away about every 4 to 6 weeks. She is 24 and got married at 18. She is incredibly passive aggressive and occasionally flat out mean and critical.
The comment that has been eating at me all week:
We were at her perfect nice new big house for NYE and somehow she started doing this thing where she was adding stupid phrases to people’s names. Ex: John “random stupid phrase” Smith.
So the phrase she had for me was “I’m, like, 12.”. I get that they were all supposed to be funny, but it’s really important to me that she likes me and I really thought she was warming up to me. I don’t have any close friends and was thinking she could be my Maid/Matron of Honor but now I’m worried that she doesn’t like me again.
This comment was just the icing on the cake after a couple days with her. Really, it wasn’t funny. I haven’t looked like I wad 12 since I was 8. I don’t act like I’m twelve. I’m not dumb. And it was more the way she said it and how funny she thought it was than the phrase itself.
What should I have said to her? I’m looking at a life sentence of snark here. Any advice?
Post # 3
Studious ignore, she is looking for reaction out of you. If you put her on ignore she will eventually stop
Post # 4
WTH, she is 3 years older than you.
I would have been like Her FirstName I’m like 15 Smith. Probably to myself and not out loud though. LOL
Just try to ignore her, some people are just jerks.
Post # 5
lol I think of witty things like that way after the fact.
And yes, she keeps acting likes she is so much older than me and she’s not. She likes to bring up that I’m just now old enough to drink, gamble, etc. and how funny it is that I’m still in college.
I was thinking maybe she was trying to say I was too young to get married, but she was 18!
She is very difficult to ignore. 🙁
Post # 6
Please please please don’t make her your Maid/Matron of Honor if she is mean, critical, and passive aggressive! Without a doubt you will totally regret it and will end up making a post on here telling us how awful she is and that you wish you’d never made her your Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 7
yes i agree with PP dont make her your Maid/Matron of Honor your better off having no BM’s then one that will cut you down on your big day, so sorry your dealing with this 🙁
Post # 8
I know it is hard but some people really are just that way. Try and let it roll off of your back. I know it is easier said then done but it is always better to be the bigger person. The best piece of advice I ever got was that you will never regret being the bigger person.
Can your Fiance maybe say something to her? Or even crack a joke on her when she starts picking on you? Maybe if someone else points out how ridiculous she is being maybe she will quit.
Either way good luck and happy planning!
Post # 9
Ugh, that wasn’t a nice comment she made to you. In fact, the whole thing sounds like a dumb “game” she was playing. You and she are essentially the same age, and, if anything, she should be thrilled to have a new sister.
I hope her snarky, P-A comments eventually subside. Is your Fiance her only sibling? She could just be struggling with the fact that her older bro is gettng married, and not because of anything to do with you. If her comments persist, wel…. then I might (very gently) ask her about it, or at least let her know it hurts your feelings.
Post # 10
Yeah, I would have had to come back with firstname “is really pissing me off with the name thing” lastname. As you can see, I don’t do passive aggressive. Just tell her like it is.
Post # 11
Ooh good one, I like that response!
Post # 12
I’m never a fan of the “just ignore it” response. That doesn’t always work. In fact, I’d say it typically doesn’t. People will treat you the way you let them.
I’d talk to my Fiance & let him know I feel. If you’re afraid to speak to her about it, maybe he can. You may worry that you’re being sensitive, but if she’s being as snarky as you say, she needs to be made aware she’s hurting you. It’s possible that she’s not happy in her life & feels the need to crap on others’ happiness (that describes way too many ladies, unfortunately). Don’t be afraid to be honest w/her & ask her why she’s saying these things.
Whatever you do, don’t back down, even if she claims she’s just kidding. She may think that telling you you’re overreacting will get you to shut up. If it hurt your feelings, it hurt your feelings. it’s as simple as that.
Good luck, buddy!
Post # 13
Just a word of advice
1. If she is always like this -> NARCISSISTIC She won’t change.
2. Forget being friends with her. Definitely don’t make her your Maid/Matron of Honor. Do you have a brother? or even your mum! Ask them instead.
3. You’re exactly like me you are too shocked to attempt to say anything back and you’re worried that you will look like your causing trouble if you do say something. If she said that stupid thing to everyone.. I am guessing she is always like this and your fiance’ and his parents have not discouraged her to behave like this. So she might have been brought up thinking the world revolves around her.
4. If she is passive agressive expect her to threaten you if she doesn’t get her way.
I agree with Mouse217… Pull her aside and tell her that you don’t like what she said. I swear to you… if you don’t stop her early on.. she will continue.. That was my mistake. I would also tell the parents. Get them to have a word with her.