Etiquette Snob here… lol
OK, lets go over the key points on this topic first.
When it comes to Traditional Etiquette…
A “recognized social unit” includes… Marrieds – Living Together / Common Law – and Engaged Couples
Anyone else isn’t considered serious, because they haven’t declared themselves as such.
Recognized Social Units should be invited as a couple for a social event as a Wedding. To not do so is indeed RUDE (a intentional snub)
Now the rest of your situation…
Ok for the record…
There is nothing wrong with having a B-List… despite what you’ll hear on these WBee Boards.
B-Lists are accepted by Traditional Etiquette and have been around for eons …
What makes them unpopular, is when the Hostess doesn’t manage them properly…
OR you get Guests who are sooo brazen as to call up the Hostess for clarification on their Invitations when it clearly says on them WHO is invited.
Altho this is I admit a grey area…
In that some folks don’t know any better (not up on Etiquette)
While others are just Pushy & Rude… in that they can clearly can read & understand an Invite, and what the Etiquette is on how they are written… should be smart enough to recognize a SNUB when it is given. Snubs aren’t nice socially… but they can and do happen. Oftentimes because someone feels obligated to send someone an invite… but not so happy with them overall to give them everything “they wish for” (so in hopes that perhaps they will not attend they snub them ever so subtley… so that the Receiver has to contemplate… IS THIS FOR REAL… HAVE I INDEED BEEN SNUBBED ??)
The gracious thing in such an instance… and how to stand tall, head and shoulders above the SNUBBIE is to graciously decline… and send one’s Regrets.
** So @BrideNH: altho you were RIGHT on the fact that your LI-BF should have been Invited to the Wedding… You were WRONG to call up and specifically ask that after receiving the STD. This put the Hostess / Bride in a very uncomfortable spot… and therefore not that surprised if she then CHOSE not to add him onto the Official Invite (noting here that a STD is NOT AN INVITE… it is nothing more than a Notification of an Upcoming Invent. You truly should have waited to see what the Invite said… to see if there was indeed a SNUB or not)
Sadly, all-in 2 Wrongs don’t make a right be they made by yourself or the Bride.
— — —
Ok back to B-Lists…
If you have Friends who are in “Recognized Social Unit” Relationships, then you issue their Invites as a couple… be that on the A-List or the B-List period. They are not to be split up as was the case here with what happened to @BrideNH:
If you have Friends who are not in “Recognized Social Unit” Relationships… this is where you can add as the REGRETS come in from your RSVPs. You call up the guy or gal and say… “We’ve had some space come available, and we’d like to extend the Invitation for you to Bring a Date”.
Now some might say it looks like an After-thought and be all offended.
But the majority would be just thrilled to know you’ve thought of them again… and happily accept your generous offer.
If you have spare Invites lying about, you ask the Guy or Gal for the Address of their SO. If you don’t, or they aren’t quite sure who’ll they’ll be bringing, it is ok to have them get back to you (this is especially important IF you are looking for your Guests to make Menu Choices).
The one thing that is important is to remember that when you receive REGRETS, that there is always the slim possibility that someone who has said NO maybe able to make arrangements to adjust their schedule (or whatever they’d already committed to previously will fall thru). In which case… they may call you back with a request to change their previous NO to a YES. And because you did ask them initially… you want to make sure that if need be you can accommodate them. Which is WHY it is important when utilizing a B-List to only send out half as many Invites as you have Regrets (so 4 people say they cannot attend, you send out an Invite to cover just 2 people). This insures you have some wiggle room if need be.
Ideally tho… B-Lists are BLIND… in that you use them strictly for couples or families (and not for add-ons to those who made the A-List (SOs, Kids etc). Because it works best when the B-List folks don’t have a clue that there is an A & B List (that being the most polite way to do it) and you manage them in such a way that you either have two sets of RSVP Dates… or you send out your first round of Invites with a good amount of lead time (12 Weeks) so as to get back replies in a timely fashion as to utilize RSVP Cards with the same Reply By Date.
Hope this helps,