Post # 1
I posted a blog a week ago about dating a guy who was left by his wife six months ago for another woman. I met him through my co-worker and we just hit it off. The feelings were mutually extremely strong. He got drunk one night admitting he was falling for me, I felt the same. I was staying the night often, we were having a blast. His sister warned me, saying be careful he’s not looking for anything serious. We talked about what he was ready for and he felt very conflicted, saying everyone was saying it was “too soon,” that he was still technically going through the divorce, even though his ex wife was already living with another woman, he said he didn’t feel he was ready for a committment, and kept saying, I want to take this slow and just have fun, see where things go. One night over dinner, he told me he had dated my political science teacher…..odd. I asked him an honest question, did he talk to other girls?? He said he did, actually, what he said was that he talked to a girl who lived in florida and that it was impossible for anything to happen. He said he wasn’t sleeping with anyone else. I asked if he wanted to talk to other girls, he said he felt he owed it to himself. Right there in that moment I decided I needed to let this man go, as much as I didn’t want to, I owed it to him. He begged me not to, saying that he still wanted to hang out with me even if we didn’t sleep together. He kept saying dont run, dont run. I think this was something so unexpected for us both, that he didn’t anticipate finding this connection with someone at such an imperfect time for himself. I think he’s trying to establish what it means to be a single unmarried man, what it means to be himself! That and I think he’s afraid, and afraid of what people will think. I told him that hanging out was a bad idea. I felt it would probably escalate because of the feelings there, and would defeat the whole purpose. After only one day of no talking he messages me saying I hope youre ok, that he had a dream that he knocked me up lol which I thought was odd. He did say too at dinner “if I knocked you up this wouldnt be an issue.” This man is obviously conflicted. Wants to be with me it seems, but has so many other things to deal with. I miss him. I want so much to call him and see him. I sure hope I made the right decision!!!! I just didn’t see this ending well for me, that months down the road it would inevitably have ended anyways bc he’s not ready. He says maybe down the road by some slim margin I’ll be single…..but who knows how long that will be. I did the right thing right????? So hard because It’s been seven years literally since I have felt this way about somebody, so I know it doesn’t come along often. So sad.
Post # 2
xpretyNpinkStarx: You did the right thing! This guy COULD be the guy. But, this is obviously not the right time for this particular guy. i say stick to your guns. Give him lots of space. Let him have his divorce finalized at the very least. It doesn’t mean this is all over, it just means you might need to give it some time. Enjoy your life right now, date other people if you want, and maybe call him in 6 months or so. You never know what might come to pass. You could still end up together, but, you need to give him the time he so clearly needs. You don’t want to start something with him before he is ready.
ETA: I must stress: wait for the divorce to be finalized. Married couples separate, even date other people, and then get back together all the time. Make sure they have all their ends tied up by the time you start to date.
Post # 3
swonderful: So helpful. Thank you so much!!!!!!! P.s. I dont think them getting back together will be so much of an issue…..he says there was a huge disconnect for two years, then she finally came out of the closet saying she was gay and incapable of loving a man lol. Eeek
Post # 4
xpretyNpinkStarx: oh, I’m so sorry! That must be so hard, but you absolutely did the right thing! He’s not in a position to be the man you need, even though he obviously wants to be. I agree that the longer you’re spending time together, the harder it will be to let go if he’s still not ready. I hope things work out for you, i hope it gets easier knowing you made the right choice to protect your heart!
Post # 5
xpretyNpinkStarx: I think you did the right thing too. Him feeling like “he owes it to himself” to talk to other women just proves he is not ready. Look out for you. You don’t want to get hurt. I hope you feel better!
Post # 6
You absolutely did the right thing. Love requires the right person & the right time. This just isn’t the right time for him. He was decent enough not to string you along.
It is sad for you that the timing isn’t right, but you can’t force it. You will find the right man at the right time.
Post # 7
Stand strong, you definitely made the best decision! You’re right, this probably would not have ended well for you. Since he not over his marriage and is wanting to “play” the field, in the end you would have been the only one who got handed the short end of the stick. I believe he does have strong feelings for you. But you can’t wait around for him to finally be “ready” to settle down and commit again. Who the heck knows when that will be?! He is very “needy” right now since his marriage is coming to an end so he’s definitely going to “cling” onto you more than usual. Don’t take that as a sign that he’s “ready.” A man who is truly ready will constantly and consistently show-up in your life as a steady, stable, secure commitment. He will NEVER let you “wonder” where the relationship is going, because he will make it absolutely clear marriage and commitment is what he desires too — and usually they are upfront about this from the beginning. The absolute WORST position a woman can out herself is to be the “rebound woman” to a man who is needy and desperate, and not ready for commitment. Because usually 99.9% of the time once he feels better/stronger and ready for commitment that’s when he’ll look for and meet someone new.
Post # 8
As someone who has gone through a divorce myself, it just gets complicated feelings-wise and probably has nothing to do with you. Give him time to sort it all out, but don’t wait around in the mean time. Maybe someday it will work out.