- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2011
Per mr. bee’s three step plan and feedback from my last post i have avoided engagement speak in our house for a few weeks now. Its been working out fine, my projection/guess is that the proposal will come this summer, and i’m more than fine wiating until then and even longer. We are still young (i’m only 24), we already live together, and none of our friends are engaged/married so there’s really no rush.
last night i had a mini break down about some stuff going on in my life, and while i was still able to avoid saying anything about the engagement, it was on the tip of my tongue the whole time. SO and i went out to dinner and i started talking abotu some things and got upset (not at him, just teared up and was emotional). Namely the situations causing me to get upset in the first place were my current job, and some recent drama with freinds.
Quick backstory on these: I moved to Boston in sep 2009 to be closer to freinds, family, and SO. In order to move during the recession (I was formerly in finance) i had to take a job out of my industry and a pretty big paycut came with it. I have some good leads on new jobs, but it is still hard to go to work everyday because i am bored and dont like my job, and i am having trouble financialy as well. Regarding the friends, details are long and irrelevant, but basically a few things happened recently that made me seriously question my friends values and their worth [as my friends]. I’m having trouble dealign with this fall out as these are people i’ve been friensd with for 10+ years.
So, ibased on these situations, ts totally valid, in my mind, that i’m a little sad lately because these things are big things, and they are taking a toll and i’m an emotional person.
BUT- here’s the kicker – the whole time i couldn’t help but think, if we were engaged, would i be this upset? When I say, “im frustrated wtih my position in life” do i really mean work/friends, or am i just covering it up? I have good solid leads on my job search, and i’m a smart qualified person, so am i really upset or am i just using that as an excuse because id ont awnt to SAY whats really bothering me.
I strongly feel its my E[ngagement]-motions and not my emotions that are causing me to be so upset, and that makes me mad! why am i in a rush! why cant i just relax!
I honestly feel like i’m driving myself crazy. I feel like there is a huge avalanche of E-motions, job crap, and friends crap tumbling towards me and i’m going to get crushed.
Any advice, bees?