(Closed) letting my E-motions get the best of me :/ (long)

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee

I wish I could give you advice but im 25 and in the same situation. I dont think im in a rush as much as me and my SO are long distant and I know if we were engaged id get to see him more since I refuse to live with him until were engaged.

Since you two are living together im sure its very frustrating because you arent engaged and although oversaid im sure its still “Why by the cow when you get the milk for free”. Have you sat down and tried to discuss this with him as a grown up and how you feel? Has he ever given you timelines?

Sorry I cant be more help 🙁

Post # 4
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Oh my goodness! I know this feeling so well. I think you’ve answered the question for yourself: yes, you are still very hung up on the idea of an engagement.

Here’s what I think though. I think that in your mind you have made an engagement this magical cure to all your problems when most likely its not. You probably don’t want to deal with what’s really going on in your life with your friends and your finances so you are looking for something to distract you and act as a bandaid for all those issues. I am now 33 and I think people can and should marry at any age they feel ready, especially if they’ve been with someone for many years BUT it does sound to me like this is not something you NEED right now or are even ready for. Don’t you want to be in a better place financially when you start planning your wedding? Don’t you want to know who your friends are before you start putting together a weddings party? Don’t you want to enjoy being young and a girlfriend for a while before you are a wife and later a mother? If the answer to all these questions is no and you are just excited then its understandable BUT I bet at least one answer is yes. I know this place you are in. I was there and I was looking for anything to run from my problems and my unhappiness but the sleeping giants will always show up no matter how hard you try to avoid them. Better to fix your life and get yourself in a healthy happy place so that you can truely be ready for marriage and your fiance can marry you out of commitment and love not just to console you.

Let me recommend a book to you. Its called Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser and its all about dealing with change and difficult times. Its amazing and helped me get through some tough times. I hope you figure it all out and feel happier soon.

Cheers,

A

Post # 6
Member
1339 posts
Bumble bee

I hear you!  I have been a wreck lately and the worse I get the farther off it gets Cry  which just makes me angrier.  I wish I felt healthier about this but I just feel lost and the resentment is building.  We have been having communication issues lately about living together.  He wants to and is fine if we don’t but I was thinking…this isn’t supposed to happen this way…if he wants to live with me he will propose!!!!  I’m so bad at this point even putting in the Mr. Bee plan etc I still have a hard time being around him for fear of saying something stupid or fighting.  I’m 32 though and it’s not getting any easier!

Post # 7
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Vikingprincess being in your 30s definately ups the ante on needing things to be straightened out sooner rather than later.

I live with my beloved and its been fine but we moved in early in the realtionship and he moved in to MY place so I wasn’t taking as big a risk as he was.

I think it might be good to put your foot down on moving in unless its a situation where you wouldn’t be uprooted. Maybe explain to him that an engagement is not a marriage itself but the serious intention of it. So really he would still have time to see how living together worked out (as well as you) but you’d have the insurance of knowing he was serious and intends to marry you if all goes well.

How long have you been with him?

@July hang in there and def check out the book. When I’m lost for answers I also love to go to this site for fun and guidance: http://www.facade.com/tarot

But its only for fun so don’t take it too serious. My mom says it just helps you get to the heart of how you feel when you see what the tarot says.

Xxx

Post # 9
Member
1339 posts
Bumble bee

@Audreysdance Been together for 15 months.  We have very different personalities and needs and work schedules….it has been a struggle for me every day.

Post # 10
Member
92 posts
Worker bee

July I am in a really similar situation so totally know how you feel.  I think you are very insightful to question whether by trying to repress the engagement frustration you’re instead expressing frustration about other life issues.

I’m 26 now but have been living with SO since I was 23.  Like you, I was ready to get engaged at 24 and like you, it wasn’t likely to happen at that time as our friends weren’t getting married til their late 20s/early 30s.  It’s tough…I’m still waiting but now a proposal is happening soon. 

My advice would be that Mr Bee’s plan has wisdom for you, but you have to work out how soon you really want to get engaged.  Do you want to get engaged now, or are you happy to wait a few more years if you had some reassurance from your SO that you both have the same timeframe in mind?

I think you should definitely talk about this with your SO – have one good talk about it.  You’ll feel better when it’s in the open and it will minimise you feeling super irritated about waiting when we’re you’re under stress and feel you can’t talk about it with SO.

Post # 11
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with Newbie @July you should talk to your bf about what your feeling. Tell him what you told us, that you are frustrated but know its reasonable for him to want to wait. You just can’t help but feel so unhappy in you life right now that you wish you had something fun going on. Maybe you guys can take a fun little affordable day trip or get a sweet little pet (cat?) Or paint your place? Some kind of fun project or new stimulus will hell. And, yes, isn’t the tarot site eerie. My mom says you should view the tarot not as the definitive answers but instead as a stack of general wisdom with which you can measure your life and your feelings about a situation against. All the cards contain wisdom about life that can hold a mirror in front of our faces and she always emphasises that no tarot outcome is unchangeable but its important to seek inner wisdom and follow your gut always. Also do not as yes or no questions in tarot.

Sweet @vikingprincess I’m so sorry for your tough spot. Just 8 months ago I was in a similar place and what helped me was talking with my beloved and basically remininding him of my needs. Maybe this will help you to?

Post # 12
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

I definetly felt similarly to this when I was waiting…I was going through some horrible job stuff (being emotionally and verbally abused by my boss, contract wasn’t renewed, etc) and I remember the whole time thinking to myself, this SO would not be as big of a deal if I was just engaged, dammit!

But then we got engaged (finally!!!!!!) and there was just a whole new set of stressors and issues to deal with.  Basically, I know it seems like an engagement will solve a lot of issues and it’s definitely a fun, exciting time but it also brings a lot of stress and it’s not a cure-all…

It sounds like your engagement is coming soon, just try to be patient and know that when it finally does happen, it will be amazing and totally worth the wait!!! 

The topic ‘letting my E-motions get the best of me :/ (long)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors