- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Hello fellow bees,
Thank you for letting me vent…
Once I got engaged I knew who I wanted and didn’t want in my bridal party: my childhood friend, my sister/bestfriend, my cousin, and two other great friends. I promised to be open and consider each one during the process. My fiance and I were going to have a destination wedding but when my childhood friend and sister were having financial difficulties, we decided to cancel and have our wedding in New York instead. I decided on not having an engagement or bridal party to further cut down costs and have just the bachelorette party. I told them they could pick their own dresses as well.
The bridal party discusses ideas for the bachelorette party without me to keep some element of surprise. I received a call from my sister a few months ago telling me that she and my childhood friend may not be able to participate in the bachelorette festivities due to money issues. At this point I didn’t even know what the ideas were. The group had been considering Atlantic City for 2-3 days or Mohegan Sun. They are both mothers and would have to get babysitting. I mentioned we would help financially but she mentioned she didn’t believe in leaving her daughter with anyone, she wouldn’t be able to enjoy herself without her daughter. They had never been seperated (she’s 4). I said they could bring them. But they wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing them. After further talks, my sister changed her mind and agreed to participate.
I find out that there have been some issues behind the scenes. While discussing ideas for the bachelorette via the bridal party email thread (Im excluded), my cousin mentions “it’s all about the bride” inan email. My childhood friend takes offense. One of my other friends brings up that everyone has issues but we have 7 months to work around it. This too angers my childhood friend. My cousin apologizes for the remark and they set up a brunch date for the bridesmaids since things can be misinterpreted via email. My childhood friend suggests that if she not being able to participate in the bachelorette causes me stress, she would step down and be a guest. She thinks noone is considering that she is a mother and I don’t know what its like. I told her we would change the bachelorette party to accomadate her because I really wanted her by my side. I asked her to not step down, in hindsight, this may have been a mistake…
During the brunch date I give everyone a little gift in hopes that this will lighten the mood and we can all start over. A different book tailored to each person with a personal note saying what each one means to me. Everyone seems really touched (two cried), except my childhood friend. She’s acting really awkward but I’m hoping with each mimosa she will start to be more comfortable. After the brunch I get an email from her saying she wants to talk to me. I call her and she says she felt really uncomfortable during the brunch. That things haven’t been the same between us. She changes her excuse and said it wasn’t a financial issue anymore. Instead it was that she’s never gone anywhere without the kids and she wouldn’t be able to request a day off from work. A month afterwards, she ends up going to Atlantic City with her boyfriend without the kids. (I find out when I see pictures up on facebook). Aftewards she says she can do Atlantic City for 2 days, 1 night. I tell her how important it is that she participate even if she can only stay for the day and has to go home early, because she means so much to me and I love her. She gets excited again and starts looking up bridemaids dresses. She finds a really nice one and wants to set a date to go shopping asap. I’ve been trying to coordinate a date for everyone to get together, everyone responds with their availability except her. A couple of days ago, she tells me that while she used to be available Sat & Sun mornings, she will no longer be due to enrolling her daughter in swimming class and tutoring both days. And perhaps everyone should go without her. She also mentions that she is considering moving to Florida and will travel there in the next few months to look for housing. I say we can move the dress shopping date to when the swimming classes end. She sends me a text last night saying she doesn’t know when the classes will end and that she may enroll her again when they end. She’s been really weird with me, texting and e-mailing me instead of calling me which is out of the ordinary. Its so important to me that she be a part of it but maybe I’ve guilted her into not stepping down and she is trying to get out of it. I’m really upset because I’ve done so much to accomadate her but I feel she is feeding me stories. Deep down I think she cannot get along with the group and doesn’t want to be around them. I feel it is very immature. I’m trying to wrap my head around the idea of her not being next to me on my wedding day but it really hurts. What should I do??