Post # 1
Fiancee and I were having a discussion today about names (we were ordering an address stamp for wedding stuff) and, given the general lack of tradition when two brides are involved, we are a little puzzled about what we want to do.
We’ve basically come down to either both keeping our given names or both hyphenating. I like the idea of having the same last name, but hyphenating seems like a pain (although we don’t want kids, so maybe it’s less of a pain in that case). I was curious about what other LGBT Bees were doing and why. Enlighten me?
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
You don’t have to hyphenate, though I guess the actual hyphen isn’t what is worrying you. My friends got married and just used her last name and his, sort oflike posh British people do. Think “Smith Jones”. No hyphen. THe kids are also Smith Jones. No one ever shortens it accidentally to just Jones.
Post # 4
@hgwells: I’m taking my SO’s last name. I don’t like mine, I like hers, and I hate hypenated last names. It was a pretty easy decision for me lol I’ve also heard of some people making a totally new name & both changing it. Like combining your names or something
Post # 6
We are each keeping our own name. We are older and established and don’t want to re-do our names on everything.
Post # 7
We both kept our names. We both like our names. My parents have moved onto the spirit world and my son has his father’s name, so we all have sigferent last names. I wish my son took It name as I raised him on my own
Post # 8
I kept mine and she hyphenated hers. We have two kids that I gave birth to in a previous relationship and they both have my last name. When we have another child he/she will also have my last name even though my wife will be the one to carry the baby.
Post # 9
We both kept our names. Then again, I also kept my name in my previous marriage, when I was married to a man.
Post # 10
Fiance is trans, and really adamant that I have a surname that’s mine. He’s far more concerned about this than I am, oddly. So we’re doing the Russian feminine form of his surname for me. It’s really pretty and elegant, which helps. When I was married the first time, to a cis man, I didn’t change my name. It feels more important this time around, to give a more “unified front,” so to speak, to make sure we’re more obviously a legally connected couple.
Post # 11
I think whatever decision YOU make is the best choice. More and more women (and men for that matter) are making their own decision rather than following tradition. Of course, if tradition is what you want, power to you.
I changed my name to my wife’s for a number of reasons:
- We wanted to share a family name to unify us. We want to have kids and want for the whole family to have the same name.
- My father and I are estranged and keeping his family name was not a motivator for me. I also have a brother so there is potential for him to keep the legacy going. Of course, I’ll support whatever decision he makes.
- My mother and I are very close and she changed her name when she remarried. I haven’t shared a name with her since 1999. Sharing a name with her would have been a motivator but alas…
- I love my wife’s family. It’s large and my Mother-In-Law is very family-oriented. I’ve been on numerous family trips and spent holidays and milestones (weddings & funerals) with them. It’s an honor to now be part of their ‘name club’. My SIL and I were the odd women out when we went to Disney in 2011. I was a B when we went to Cancun for SIL’s wedding to BIL and I know she is excited to be in the club on our next trip.
- In the off-chance that something horrible happens to one of us in a place that doesn’t want to recognize our marriage, we’d like to be able to use the assumption that same last name = family. Sisters, now let me in. I know we can deal with court orders, etc… But, *shrug*, we’d like to just count on people doing the right thing in an emergency and if same names help us move some red tape along for us, why not?
- Our names didn’t combine to make any good new last names. And we didn’t want to hyphenate. And our kids inheriting a hypen for their future name decisions sounds like a potential headache.
Post # 12
I have a doctor friend who will not take new patients with hyphenated names. He says in his experience they are too high maintenance.
Post # 13
@katecal: Wait, what? My Fiance name is hyphonated because his mom hyphonated her name when she married (was a vet with publications and wanted to still be recognized for her work). He is the most low maintenance guy you could ever meet. That seems extremely harsh and judgemental. (Not directed at you, I understand it isn’t you. Still shocked!)
Post # 14
LOL what a great businessman…
Fiance has a hyphonated last name and I plan on changing mine to hers. I always thought I would hyphonate mine but 3 last names would be over the top haha. I like the idea of us being one unit, especially when planning on having kids. And I can always use my maiden name in the name of my future practice 🙂
Post # 15
@katecal: what the what? we will probably hyphenate our future kids’ names if we have any … 🙁
Post # 16
@hgwells: We boith kept our names 🙂 It would have been an enormous pain to change either one since we are already established in our fields, etc. Doesn’t bother me at all. BUT we are discussing what to do if we have a baby ever … I want to hyphenate so that is what we are leaning towards. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. Another choice is to just keep both last names and use both but do not hyphenate. Like this: Maria Jeanette Smith Jackson (lol totally made that name up but you get it!!). That’s what Destination Wedding is leaning towards if we have a kid.
Post # 17
Me and my fiance will hyphenate our last names together, both of our names have four letters in them and both begin with a K, so it flows nicely in our opinion.
If either of us had longer last names we’d probably do something different though.