- 2 years ago
My husband has never been comfortable with a close guy friend of mine, as for some reason he has never trusted him (We’ll call my friend “Luke”). One thing is for sure: I have absolutely NO feelings Luke and never have, and my husband knows that. We’ve been friends since college, and we’ve always managed to stay in touch, even though he lives in another state. My husband has never been happy with this, but I’ve always pushed for it because he was such a long-time friend I didn’t want to give up when it was strictly platonic. Recently Luke was in town for a very short while, and asked if we could catch up. He doesn’t know that this makes my husband uncomfortable.
I said yes to be nice, but I already knew I would just cancel because I knew my husband would not be OK with it, and wouldn’t want to go with us. For some STUPID, stupid reason that I hate myself for, I instead lied to my husband (saying I was going with another friend) and went. I know: So incredibly stupid! Please know I am already sick with guilt and am beating myself up about it like you wouldn’t believe, so anything harsh you have to say I have already said to myself, ten fold. I can barely concentrate on anything. I understand the severity of the lie. And no, I do not have some underlying feelings for this person (I am very in love with my husband, and plus this guy is…let’s just say not my type whatsoever). I’ve realized I’m deeply insecure about not having very many friends, and I believe I did it because Luke has always made an effort to keep in touch and I think I just felt I owed it. Obviously I absolutely did NOT owe it to him, but it’s the idiotic way my mind was working. Anyways, nothing romantic happened obviously, but I am absolultely SICK with guilt because I never lie to my husband, and I feel like I’ve betrayed him.
To clarify, my husband is not a controlling person. He is incredibly trusting, but this is just the one person he has expressed discomfort by. Which makes it so much worse! I’m in agony over this. However, if there is one thing my husband does NOT tolerate, it’s lies. He values honesty above all else, and it is extremely difficult for him to forgive anyone who has lied to him, if at all. This would destroy us, I’m positive. And things have been better than ever. We are trying for a family right now, and now I’ve gone and ruined everything. There is no way I could make him understand. I feel so much shame and self-hatred right now, because this is not me. I’ve completely let myself down. Just so you know, the next day I texted Luke saying that I have to cut off the friendship because it is not right that I lied to my husband and that I’ve pushed to remain friends with someone my husband is not comfortable with. It has ALWAYS caused tension. I then blocked him. It may sound extreme, but it feels like the right thing and something I should have done long ago.
What do I do? Do I tell? Or do I just learn from my mistake, swallow the guilt, and avoid devestating my husband? Has anyone ever kept a secret like this and regret it because the guilt ate you alive? I don’t know what to do.