(Closed) Lieing on invitations to avoid lateness??

posted 8 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
1569 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

The much easier way to approach this is to write 5pm on the invitations as the start time, and tell everyone that your ceremony is starting at 5pm, but let your coordinator and officiant know that it’s likely you’ll be starting 10-15 minutes late. That way, your timeline for the rest of the day will be set based on the assumption that the ceremony’s actual start time is 5:10-5:15. So it’s fine if people are late, that way, but you aren’t (strictly speaking) lying to anyone.

That is pretty much exactly what we did, and I recall some of our friends freaking out when they had to go retrieve a guest who was sleeping in the hotel (he was jetlagged from a cross-global flight), and our DOC just smiling serenely and saying “Totally fine!” They all thought they were late, and rushed like crazy people, and as a result they ended up getting back just on time. I think we started less than five minutes after the “advertised” start time of the ceremony, so that was actually five minutes early according to our timeline, woohoo!

[ETA] I do agree, though, that an entire half-hour would be too much of a buffer, since it will be a very long time for guests who do show up on time to have to wait. Ten minutes ought to be sufficient.

Post # 4
3671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

The only issue I would have with that is I usually show up 15 minutes early at least so I’d be there at 4:15 and waiting 45 minutes.  I’m not sure what else to suggest though.  I’d say put “Promptly at 5:00” but people would still show up late.  

Post # 5
71 posts
Worker bee

I have never been to a wedding that was starting at the time on the invitation. Ceremonies always start 30 minutes after the invitation time in my experiences. Even my vendors asked what time guests are arriving and what time I am starting.

Post # 6
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I wouldn’t say the wrong time on the invites. I’m always early, so waiting 15ish minutes pluss another half hour would probably bother me. I would probably just see what the crowds like and if a lot of people seem like they’re missing wait a few minutes. Weddings are rarely on time anyway.

Post # 7
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i agree with @Bride16:, all the weddings i have been to started later than the time on the invite.. i dont think its “lying” to put 4.30 on the invite, you are just giving everyone time to arrive and get seated b4 the actually ceremony begins

Post # 8
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

we have just had the same convo! Fiance cannot believe that people will be late. us girls know that there will always guests who are relying on the cliche of the bride being late to give them an extra grace period of time. i’m punctual to a fault, and i don’t intend to be more than 5 minutes late. all i can hope is that people will not be tiptoeing up the aisle as we say our vows!

Post # 9
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Since I am getting married on a yacht, guest boarding starts at 11:45, we are leaving the dock right at noon and the ceremony will start immediately after (12:05-12:10). So our wedding does not have the flexibility to start late. If any guests are late, it will delay the entire day and we lose that time spent waiting.

So I ended up putting 11:30 on the invite, but making a note on the website with the above information and not to worry about showing up early… Now that I’m thinking about it, should I take the note off the website? And who cares if guests show up a little early…Hm.

Anyway, hopefully it all works out because the invitations are already made.

Post # 10
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I thought about putting a different start time, but ultimately put the correct starting time. I am going to hope for the best.

Post # 11
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would never lie on the invitations. Most guests know to arrive before the ceremony starts so if you say 4:30, you will have guests arriving at 3:30-4 and and wandering around with nowhere to sit and nothing to do for over a half hour.

If you know that someone (an individual) is chronically late to events, then specifically let them know that they need to be there early. But don’t lie to everyone else and punish them for one person’s (or two or three) inability to be punctual.

Post # 12
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think Littlest Birds had it right there, think I’ll do that myself! Sounds perfect.

ETA We’ll prob have to lie to my Future Father-In-Law about the time, the man is late for everything!

Post # 13
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Honestly, Weddings normally start late…. because the bride is a bit late – it takes time to get things in order! I bet even if you aim for 5 you will likely start 10-15min late!

I would put the correct time on the invitation – it is your guests responsibility to get their on time not yours! I am sure everything will be fine!

Post # 14
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

On your website emphasize how important it is to be on time.  Tell them to leave early bc of traffic ect.

Post # 15
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I always arrive at weddings 15 -30 minutes early, if I had to wait an additional 30 minutes, I would be very irritated.  There is no need to punish punctual guests because of one or two who may possibly be late.  I would consider it very rude if a bride wasted 1/2 hour of my time on a Saturday afternoon in the spring to have me sitting on a chair waiting for her wedding to start because she lied about the time.

Post # 16
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

In response to a previous comment, I personally have been to several weddings and only one was remotely late due to unusual circumstances, so they aren’t “all” running late, nor is it fair to claim that they do, just because a small handful of individuals don’t know how to manage time.

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