(Closed) Life after a baby… all I hear is negativity and I'm freaking out!

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 17
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think it depends who you talk to because all i hear is how amazing it is. They’ll say its hard and its an adjustment and stuff like that but they never complain. Heck the people with newborns are the people who are asking me when i’m gonna have one. Their trying to convince me – they aren’t telling me to wait. Ofcouse they don’t know that we just started trying and i’ve got baby fever coming out of my ears. Although when they come over and i steal the baby all night – i might be giving myself away. lol

I wish i’d here complaints – then maybe this baby fever would be easier to deal with.

I mean maybe if you love to go out all the time and your big party people then your in for a big surprise – but my husband and i prefer to stay in most nights anyway – so theres not much of a lifestyle that we’re giving up.

Post # 18
Member
980 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My son just turned one and I’ve said so many times this has been the **happiest year of my life!** Things certainly are different, but I feel like it was a change I was ready for. The idea of partying at our local bar til 3am just wasn’t as appealing anymore, I can’t say I miss it terribly. We do more hosting at our place, and start things earlier, so I still see my friends and enjoy myself. And we take the baby out to restaurants all the time. I guess in some ways I wish I had travelled more, as it is logistically going to be harder for the next few years while we have babies, but would I trade my son for some travel? Absolutely not!

Post # 19
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My Darling Husband and I don’t have kids yet, but we are actively trying and I get scared every now and then as well. I really like being the center of my universe sometimes! ๐Ÿ™‚ And I don’t think kids are for everyone. But I do think it’s also really easy to talk to yourself out of them. If everyone listened to the negative stuff, or just got too scared to take the leap, no one would have kids.

I really like the idea of making two life goal lists and focusing on the harder list now…while it’s just you and your Darling Husband.

It’s natural to have fears…just try to focus on what you really really want. If it’s to be a parent then go for it.

Post # 20
Member
1842 posts
Buzzing bee

@CakeyP:  +1

I don’ thave children yet but I am due in September and I had a minor freak out about this exact subject to Mr. J’s mother last week. She explained it similarly to CakeyP did. 

Yes your life WILL change after having a child. There is no way around that and it should be expected, but it is not the end of the world, it is just a new and different world that takes some getting used to. You will likely not be going to the bar/dancing/drinking etc every weekend, you will likely have to be home earlier than usual or plan to be home a few hours in the afternoon to facilitate naps and bedtimes. You will probably start hanging out with more people who have children and your single friends will be seen even less (but that is not different to marriage anyway)  but again, not the end of the world. It is just a new lifestyle that needs to be adjusted to. 

The easiest way to know what is really going on is to talk to friends of yours who have children. They will likely bring up a whole new world of things to be excited about that you didn’t even think about in the first place. Family day at the pool, 3 year old ballet lessons (are just too adorable) Getting closer to your friends and neighbors who have kids of similar ages etc. If their world hasn’t ended and isn’t all doom and gloom, yours likely won’t be either.

Post # 21
Member
3370 posts
Sugar bee

@catnip:  I have a lot of kids, 5 to be exact. And life after kids is NOTHING like my single life. But I still have fun. It’s just a different kind of fun and that comes with every new stage of your life. You don’t still enjoy things the exact same way you did as a teenager, do you? Of course not. You’re a grown up now. Your lifestyle changes, your tastes change, even your taste buds change…and having a family changes things too.

You may come to a point where you wish you could step outside your busy, messy “motherhood” life…that’s what vacations are for and every parent feels like that sometimes. It won’t last forever, kids do grow up and you’ll be able to go back to thinking a little more about what you want vs. what everyone else needs.

Just to give you a “positive” about parenthood…the best thing about having kids is that it gives you a free excuse to act like a kid again. Without kids you’d look pretty silly running around a playground like a free bird, going up and down the slide. Just add one kid and you no longer look insane. See, it’s not so bad. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 22
Member
1842 posts
Buzzing bee

also just as a side note here, I was born when my mother was 19 and my father was 21. They both still finished college, we went on many vacations all around the country, I had been to broadway plays and museums and to Europe all before I was 10 years old. It is NOT impossible to do ‘fun’ things just becuase you have a baby. It might be more complicated logistically, you might have to save up a little bit longer to do it, but they are still totally possible

Post # 23
Member
9134 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@catnip:  Since you’re not yet ready for a baby, it’s a great time to discuss with your Darling Husband what kind of parents you want to be.  My Darling Husband and I love to travel and we don’t plan to stop once we have a child.  We do plan to take a break while the baby is breastfeeding but after that we will resume taking an annual couples trip just the two of us as well as the odd weekend away here and there.  The only real difference will be that there will also be an annual family trip with our child and the odd weekend away with our child.  I think a lot of parents forget to work on their relationship with each once they have a child.

Parents that still have a life outside of being parents seem to be the happiest imo so it’s important to figure out how to balance maintaining and strengthening your relationship with your husband and your relationship with your child.  My Darling Husband and I have already discussed that by the 3 month or so we will start having regular date nights just the two of us every 2-3 weeks (or every week if we can swing it).  We know the first few will be difficult (we can barely leave our dog with other people) but we know it’s an important part of maintaining our identity as a couple, not just as parents.

Post # 24
Member
9134 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@jadlnc:  You are so right about it giving you license to be a kid again.  My Darling Husband and I have annual passes to Universal and Darling Husband always gets excited about having a child when we pass by Dr. Seuss land and the Curious George water play area.  If he plays in it without a kid, he’s the creepy dude without a kid watching everyone else’s kids.  But if we have a kid for him to take with him, he has a free Daddy pass to play around with all of the fun stuff.  It works the same way at parks, zoos, etc….  Kids give you a great excuse to be silly and enjoy being a kid again yourself!

Post # 25
Member
47203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@catnip:  Having children never stopped us from doing anything we wanted to.Some parents use this line to make excuses for their life.

Children are flexible and adaptable to many situations. If you want to travel,take them with you. If you have hobbies, teach the children so they can participate when they are older.

If you like to dine out, give them the benefit of an adventurous palette.

Your life will change with children,but it is a change for the better.

Post # 26
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@catnip:  I think it changes the fact that you can just pick up and go in 10 seconds.  I dont think much else.  If you get asked to go out with friends for drink youll have to find a baby sitter or dont go.  Youll have to be more responsible but I dont see how that is bad?  Its not like once you have a kid you cant do anything but sit at home with him/her. 

Post # 27
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee

@catnip:  in ALL honesty, and not saying this to reassure you, my life has only been better since my baby was born (18 months ago). It IS work, hard depends on what you see as hard, but demanding for sure, you won’t get a lot of sleep some days, and some days you will, but mostly you will experience love like you never have, a lot of laughs and smiles, you will feel needed. I personnally loved breastfeeding, it was my time alone with baby and I have loved every minute of it (even when I was dozing off because too tired). Even today, when I see my baby making me go crazy because he is not listening and doing everything I told him not to do, I punish him but I have to turn around and secretly laugh and try to keep my serious face afterwards because in the end, this parenting thing is the best thing that could have ever happened to us, me and my Fiance.

Post # 28
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee

(EDITED for double post)

Post # 29
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee

@catnip:  Oh and I am almost 24, work full time now (though I had my 1 year maternity leave) 

Post # 30
Member
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Shelby81:  this is lovely ๐Ÿ™‚ I think I will feel the same way when my son is born in May ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 31
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee

@catnip:  Me again lol. I have also heard countless times, do what you want to do now because when baby arrives…

Oh you better have sex as much as you can because you will not have sex anymore when baby arrives…

and so on.

Maybe Too Much Information, but I can honestly say that once everything downthere was ‘restored’ (haha), me and Fiance were back to our normal sex life…as much as before. There will be times we will both be tired of course and just stay put, but that doesnt have anything to do with a baby. 

As for going out, we go to the restaurant with baby (and if we want to be alone, have a babysitter/friend/family). We actually went to the premiere of Twilight (parent baby session) in the movies when baby was 4 months old, and he was staring at the screen the whole time, as were the other babies.  

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