Post # 31
First let me say that I’m not yet married so I am speaking from someone who recntly started living with my fiance:
Lesson 1: Living together can be a really big adjustment. My fiance and I are both in our thirties and lived on our own since we were 18. That’s a long time to form single-person habits that you’re not even fully aware of until you move in with someone. I love coming home to him but I do appreciate the days when I come home to an empty house. Our future marital home will have 2 bathrooms for sure!
Lesson 2: and this is a biggie, when we say “for better or worse” we really don’t prepare ourselves for what worse really is. This year we experienced the worst. just 2 months after we got engaged, his mother died suddenly and watching him grieve has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever experienced. It has really taken a toll on us but that it showed me what real commitment is all about. because you can easily say I do when things are peachy but surviing the hard times is what long lasting marriages are made of.
Post # 32
We have been together for 5 years and married for 1 year. Our marriage/relationship was a little more dramatic as we were dealing with family drama IN OUR HOME extensively… that huge piece of obstrucle finally leave us…..and peace restore finally…
however, between the two of us, it may sounds silly but chores does drain us quite a bit but it is getting better. I’m the one who are not used to doing all the housework where DH is very into keeping the house clean and neat… and he always doing something in the house…. It is gettnig better after a year, I help out quite a bit but…. we are still try to sort things out on…. how can we schedule date night and not jsut always about errands and cleaning up…The house is not small and there are lots to fix…. it is challenging but … I think things will get better…..
I think the key is be open minded to discussion and do not take things personal. It is hard but just keep reminding yourself this is not about you but for the team, it will be a lot easier.
Post # 33
My husband and I lived together for near a year before we got engaged. We then got married about a year and a half after that. Nothing has changed and it’s pretty cool. I would not want to get married before living with someone because you never know what it will be like after the fact!
Post # 34
I just have to follow up on this! Yesterday was my birthday. My DH is not good at gifts and surprises, and since we’re closing on a house soon (3 weeks from today!) we decided not to do christmas for each other and I threw my birthday in as well. I’d rather have more spending money to get furniture we need, curtains, and other misc stuff I know we’re going to want and neeed.
Anyway, he came home from work with flowers and a little ice cream cake and a card. The card surprised me because he’s actually never given me one. It was the PERFECT card from him and ressonnated with this discussion so well… it read:
Front: In real life, there may be a lot more carry-out than cuddling. More quick kisses than cuddling. More running around than relaxing together.
Inside: But when real life is the life I have with you, all that stuff doesn’t seem to matter. We have each other, and that’s enough for me.
It absolutely made me melt. Just had to share it.
Post # 35
That is so sweet *swoon*
I love when they find just the right card and do the “little things” !
Post # 36
Fiance and I aren’t married yet, but by the time we tie the knot we’ll have been dating for 5 years and living together for 3. I’m honestly curious to see if either of us FEEL a difference after we get married. According to my Fiance, he feels like he’s been married to me ever since I moved in.
Post # 37
Biggest adjustment was probably get used to our families’ expectations of us as a unit once we were married. Like…”We’re doing brunch with grandpa’s cousin’s son for Christmas on X, you’ll be there, right?” I, as the girlfriend or fiance, would not have been included in those types of family events before marriage. We always did more of an a la carte with family before. If you could make it that’s great, but if not you’re under no obligation. That’s not true for all couples, but that’s where we drew the line before marriage.
The day to day stuff is the same.
Post # 38
Oh heavens..just getting used to sharing a bed, house, bathroom etc. Me I’m no neat freak. Unfortunately neither is DH and put those together and its always a disaster. We both have to motivate ourselves to keep our house clean and that aint easy. Little things he does gets on my nerves but you learn to live with it. Leaving hair in the sink, dropping clothes on the floor, the small stuff. But you love him anyway. Mine was just getting used to not being at my parents anymore. When we first got married I was terribly homesick to the point I would cry and just needed to go to my parents to help myself. It definitely took getting used to but that takes time too.
Post # 39
Nothing really surprised me, but I feel like people sometimes think marriage and relationships are going to be “hard”. Of course relationships take work, every one does, but you should never have to “fight” for your relationship and overall it should be relatively easy. Marriage shouldn’t feel like a chore. I read a ton of posts on here where people ask if they should keep on “fighting” for their relationship and that’s really not how it should be at all.
There are of course times when I make a conscious choice to not let stupid things get in the way of our marriage…like that one time when we had a stupid fight about green beans, or that other time when he spent a little bit too much time on his computer and not enough time cleaning the house with me. I realize that I have a man who really, truly cares about me and loves me and treats me better than I could have ever imagined…so sometimes I have to just get over my own stubbornness and choose to not let it come between us.
Post # 40
Maybe it’s just because I haven’t been married that long, but nothing really changed for us. The things that need planning needed it beforehand (such as how we’re going to remodel or add on to our house). We already lived together, already bought the home, already figured out how to split bills.
The only thing I can think of is that we’re going to be considering children very soon since I’m already mid 30s. That’s a bunch of medical appointments to make sure we’re healthy and the baby would likely be as well, plus husband coming to terms with it being time (he’s younger than me). We’re working on it, so I don’t anticipate any real problems there either.
I guess more comes up later – figuring out who is doing what with the kids, the pets, when people get lazy about cleaning or meals and the like, but so far, so good!