(Closed) Life after walking. . .

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
3829 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

rachel85:  there have been quite a few bees that either walked or called off the engagement saying things didn’t feel right, and i swear most of them come back a few years later engaged to someone else and 100 times happier.  As they saying goes, go with your gut. 

seeker:  Congrats lady. Cant wait for the proposal story to come ๐Ÿ˜‰ 

Post # 17
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

I’m so happy to read this. I just ‘walked’ as of two days ago from an almost 4 year relationship. After nearly a year of trying to convince myself that I could be happy with the relationship and maybe it was my issue, I finally realized I owed it to myself to truly have what I want and not settle!! I know it was the best decision because I couldn’t ignore my feelings any longer. <strong style=”background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);”><br />

 

Post # 19
Member
1265 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Glad to have you back on weddingbee but with the perfect and worthwhile Mr. now!  Congrats!

Post # 20
Member
2108 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Thank for posting this thread. I’m at a point in my relationship where this is becoming something I am seriously considering. I love him, but he keeps finding reasons to not get married, and lately when it comes up he just doesn’t seem interested. I’m honestly starting to think he’d be perfectly content to not get married at any point and that is just not something I can live with.

Post # 21
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

seeker:  thank you so much! I truly believe something better is waiting for me down the road. Congratulations and best wishes! ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Squirrelz15:  obviously every situation is different but I just left my 4 year relationship two weeks ago and I’m beginning to realize how much I was lying to myself. I was convincing myself to be ok with things staying the same and I just couldn’t lie to myself any longer. I didn’t realize how bad it was until it was over. We had broken up a couple times last year so I think at this point we both knew we weren’t meant to be. I thank the stars he did not propose or I’d be facing a miserable marriage!

Post # 22
Member
2108 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

 

SittingWaitingWishing:  Yeah, I think there is part of me that might be lying to myself. He has been through a lot in the last 2 years, and I’ve been through it with him. I am starting to honestly feel resentful and strung along. I don’t necessarily think that’s his intention, but he wants everything to be perfect before he gets married. My biggest concern right now is his moodiness, and again, I know it has a lot to do with his life situation, but its hard to deal with day in and day out. Part of me says go, but I also know I have a tendency to sabotage my relationships, and I’m concerned I’m doing that. When he’s not a crab, he treats me really well, and I know he loves me, but he just won’t commit and it’s killing me inside. That said, we’ve only been together a little over 2 years, not 4. But he’s the one who brought it up first, and now I feel like maybe he is having doubts. I just don’t know how to even approach that subject without being a basket case.

Post # 23
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

 

Squirrelz15:  I would see a therapist to help sort out your emotions. This is what I did and she even said to me, “It’s likely that, at most, you will live with this guy, but nothing more.” It just took me awhile for it to sink in that she was right. I loved him but I don’t think I was loving myself.   Again every situation is different but I think seeking therapy and stepping back a little from the situation can often shed some light.

Post # 24
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

So happy to hear you have found happiness; it takes a brave woman to walk away from a relationship that isn’t fulfilling her and you should be proud ๐Ÿ™‚ glad you found your Prince Charming!

Post # 25
Member
11 posts
Newbee

seeker:  I just walked from my 3 year relationship. He said we were going to get married but didn’t take any action and was becoming increasingly ambigious and wishy washy and I couldn’t take the emotional roller coaster anymore. It’s been 9 days and I’m already in such a better place emotionally. I’ll miss him and it’ll probably take me a while to find someone new but it is true – nothing is worse than limbo hell!!! So happy and at peace to be out of it. Reading posts on here helped to put things into perspective for me and gave me courage and hope in my future when I was making the decision to walk. Good luck to all the waiting ladies, remember time is one of our most precious resources, walk in the direction of love! 

Post # 26
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I didn’t start posting here until I was knee-deep in wedding planning, but prior to meeting my husband, I left a 4 year relationship because of his commitment issues. We had broken up a couple of times and even gone through couples counseling the last time around, and it finally became very clear that nothing would ever change.

Four months after that break up, I met my now husband. I was 32 at the time. We dated almost 2 years before we got engaged and 5 more before we got married. We just celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary yesterday and couldn’t be happier.

Post # 27
Member
2573 posts
Sugar bee

So happy to hear ! Congrats on finiding ” The One”

 

Post # 28
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Squirrelz15:  Can you accept your SO exactly the way he is at this moment? He is showing you how he deals with stress. Life never gets any easier–only harder, with kids (and lack of sleep), personal illnesses, parental aging, illnesses and death, mortage payments and job loss. Don’t think “it’ll get better once…” Because as soon as the current situation improves, something else comes around the corner.

I have a friend who is in a miserable marriage going from one cranky mood to another. Example–her Darling Husband was unemployed for 4 months (after only having that job for 3 months and being unemployed for 8 months prior). He was super, extra, cranky the entire time he was unemployed. Now that he has a job, I asked her if things were better. NO–now he’s cranky from the job stress. This has been going on for 8 years, just going from one stressful situation to another, waiting for it to get better and it never does. 

Don’t focus on just the good times. When making a decision about who to marry, you have to look at the whole person. Can you handle how he deals with stress? He will always deal with stress that way. If you can’t accept him 100% exactly the way he is, move on…

Post # 29
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

kernelkat:  I’m 3 weeks post breakup of my 4 year relationship. One of the reasons it ended was because every talk of marriage, a house, and babies always ended in ‘someday’. He had no desire to move things forward. I got tired of hoping that this ‘someday’ was ever going to come! I wish you all the best! Like you, I already feel much better and I know good things are to come. ๐Ÿ™‚

Krispi:  thank you for sharing! I will be 31 next month and it’s a little scary being this age and single. I always thought I’d definitely be married with kids at this point. It’s great to hear from someone who has been there and is now in a fulfilling relationship!

Post # 30
Member
2108 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

 

KoiKove:  Thank you for the reply. You are definitely right in that things won’t change as far as his crankiness. There will be good and bad times. I can take him as he is. I love him as he is, and even if he remained cranky I would want to be with him. I recently learned that my bigger issue wasn’t his crankiness, but that I wasn’t taking care of myself when he was cranky. I was spending to much time trying to fix it. Now I know that there really isn’t much I can do except let him rant, but I can take care of myself, make sure I get out of the house more (which helps me not feel so overwhelmed). He is a great guy who takes good care of me, even when he’s cranky, I was just starting to get stressed out and forgetting there was a me in the picture too (plus I was hormonal and cranky when I posted that too… oops) Thanks for the advice though, because I do agree I need to take him as he is, I just have to make sure I am taking care of myself too.

SittingWaitingWishing:  Thanks for all your encouragement. I guess he was just stressing and being confusing to me because we went shopping and bought a ring Friday. So now the real waiting game begins and I have to try to not go insane! lol. I hope things turn out well for you.

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