Post # 1
Hey gals! I can’t really say I am new here… but I am newer to posting. Been a lurker for a couple years (and posted a couple times), but now I am finding myself on this board more and more often, so I decided to start posting.
Anyhow, I have been with my SO 4.5 years. We moved in together 8 months into the relationship. The first 2.5 years of our relationship was “getting to where we needed to be” – we purchased/sold vehicles, purchased/sold houses, paid off debt, and basically just ironed out any creases and preparred for our future together. As a result, the past two years have basically been bliss (not that it was bad before or anything, lol); we have simply been able to enjoy our lives together and travel extensively, and it has been wonderful!
My SO was married when he was very young for a short period of time (no children from the previous marriage). Even so, he has stated on multiple ocassions that he wants to get married again and start a family (ditto for me), and lately the kiddo comments are getting more and more direct/common. The goal is start trying for kids in 2014 (just before he turns 40). We both STRONGLY agree that we absolutely will not have children until we are married. Well, 2014 is awfully close.
I don’t get it. We have talked extensively about marriage (he brings it up- he even talked about getting married in May on a destination wedding, but still hasn’t proposed?), we are blissfully happy, we are financially secure, we both have really great jobs, he sat me down and had me pick out the ring I want, we both really want children, and we are not getting any younger. What in the world is he waiting for? Anyone in the same boat as me? I am totally confused.
Post # 3
@CallMeCranky: I would totally suspect that he is going to propose soon. It sounds like how we were before we got engaged and of course it happened right when I least expected it…
Post # 4
2014 is a year away. And it lasts a year. Meaning really, there is still 2 years before 2014 is over. If you both want to start TTC in 2014, there is still LOTS of time to get engaged and married. Heck, I think even if you were to get married in a Destination Wedding in May you have quite a bit of time yet.
I can’t tell you what he is waiting for but it sounds like you are both on the same page? Do you not think he wants to marry you (from what you have said, it sounds like he does). From your talks has he said it is important for him to propose? What about if you just asked him? Does he know you want some time to plan?
Honestly, it sounds to me like he is planning on proposing pretty soon. I am not a psychic though of course.
Post # 5
Based on everything you’ve written, it certainly seems as if a proposal likely will be forthcoming, unless your SO is not being honest with you. Unless you suspect that to be the case based upon his integrity and honesty with you in other areas of your lives, I would presume that his timeframe is consistent with what you both have discussed.
Have you explained to him how much lead time you would prefer to have between a proposal and a wedding? This may be the only variable where his thoughts and yours may not be aligned. (For example, unless he knows how long it may take to plan the wedding you both want to have at your choice of venue and preferred season, month, and/or day of the week, he could be presuming that he could propose four or five months prior to the when he envisions you getting married. Although couples certainly can — and have — planned weddings in even shorter timeframes, the options may be more limited as a result.)
Post # 6
You need to have more open discussion. Keep it light, but honest. See if he is open to a time line. Sometimes I think guys just get comfy and forget about this stuff. Let him see how happy and enthusiastic you are about it all and it should motivate him to get out there and ring shop etc. Let him know you are beyond ready! Act like playfully impatient. Like a kid wanting to open present, but don’t pressure him. Good luck. Well that’s what worked for me anyway!
Post # 7
I agree with the calm and rational discussion. Just see if he has a reason for not proposing yet. It could be that he has a plan in mind and doesn’t want to spoil it.
What worked for me and my boyfriend was this: we went to pickup my first car together right before Thanksgiving and, because we were both nervous and second guessing my decision, we wound up really emotional. Long story short, during the car ride he and I fleshed out a 5 year plan that works for both of us. I have my fingers crossed that it works out, but if we have to make adjustments that’s ok too.
Just talk to him and see what happens. Good luck!
Post # 8
@RayKay – Oh, I am quite confident that he wants to marry me; I don’t doubt that. That is why I am surprised that he hasn’t proposed. When I last asked about timeframe, he said “soon.” But you are right, we haven’t discussed a desired length of engagement, so that would be a good conversation to have.
@Brielle – I trust him. He is actually honest almost to a fault, lol. But you hit the nail on the head, he probably doesn’t understand that to me 4 – 5 months doesn’t seem like enough time to plan.
@whitefuzzy – Good advice. And yes, I do think he may be comfy and isn’t really thinking about timeframe.