(Closed) Life changes after having a child….it doesn't end.

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
Post # 17
Member
7646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

stardustintheeyes:  In my honest opinion I think ebing somewhat independent is what makes a good mom in the first place. If we really did revolve our whole lives around our kids, I think we would truly lose sight of who we are as an individual and sink into a depression or at least lose some of our worth. It’s that way even if we revolve our life around our spouse or significant other. Balance is the key with everything.

Post # 18
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m a nanny to a 10 year old, and she would never want me or her mother there 24/7. Both moms and kids need a little space sometimes, to be functional, healthy people

Post # 19
Member
638 posts
Busy bee

stardustintheeyes:  I don’t know, my sister has 3 kids under 5 and posted photos of cinco de mayo margaritas with her gfs. She has 100 likes on FB. Some people just never left high school. 

Post # 20
Member
923 posts
Busy bee

stardustintheeyes:  my sister takes my daughter one weekend night every week. My fiance and I usually hang out with friends or have a date night. My sister and my daughter love spending time together so I don’t see why I wouldn’t let her take her. she is taking her this saturday and we will be going out to dinner and maybe a movie. 

Post # 21
Member
11746 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

stardustintheeyes:  what a rude “friend”! she would be beside herself then that we left our 3 week old to have dinner for our anniversary and that I have left my 11 week old home with Darling Husband to go get a drink with friends more than once (before she took a bottle, too!) Moms need a break too in order to keep being the great moms that we are! I’d unfriend her and keep doing your thang! Sounds like you’re doing a great job and doing what is best for your family.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  .
Post # 22
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Didn’t you get the update? Moms these days are supposed to be martyrs. Geez, it’s all over Pinterest!

Post # 23
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

stardustintheeyes:  I see nothing wrong with grown up time. You need it to keep your sanity. However, there are parents, like my brother and SIL, who typically spend every weekend out partying while my parents or I have their two boys. So much so that the boys beg, cry and scream for them not to go when they are left. Granted I know kids will just do this sometimes but these boys are doing it because they get left every weekend. And it is not just so my brother and sister and law can go have a dinner and movie night or something it is because these two grown parents can go out and act like children every weekend. They are expecting a 3rd and I have already told my mom that she better expect to have the new baby the weekend following his birth so my SIL can go out and get drunk.

Your “friend” just needs to mind her own business on this one!

Post # 24
Member
4568 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am betting you are a FAR better Mum/ Mother/Mom due to your balance and self care than any martyr sanctimommy who would consider bagging you for maintaining an identity seperate to that of ‘Mom’.

I applaud you, to be honest.

Post # 25
Member
2573 posts
Sugar bee

stardustintheeyes:  I think it’s wonderful the way you’ve described your parenting outlook. I agree with PP, it sounds like a healthy balance you’ve got going on! I would want to do the same.

Personally, I spent a lot of time with both sets of grandparents while my mom worked hard as a single mom or went out with friends or had dates. I never felt abandoned or neglected. I enjoyed being with them. I didn’t even realize that my mom had a life (she snuck it in though!) she deserved it.

Spending time with my grandparents gave me the opportunity to develop close relationships with them. My one grandma lived to be 91, dying when I was 31. She was one of my best friends! She helped raise me and I am grateful. Fond memories for me. Some people hardly know their grandparents. To me that is sad. I think it’s great that your son will have that bond.

That delete button on FB exisits for a reason! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 26
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think that if you’re not balanced as an adult how will your son be?  You’re still a person, cutting loose isn’t a terrible thing, and like you said you don’t do it often.  You seem to be enjoying your time with your son, and that to me is so important.  Oh and it is good for him to spend time with your mom, for him and for her.  How is he going to know where he comes from with out hanging out with grandma.  Hang in there and don’t let the shut-in moms get you down!

Post # 27
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

stardustintheeyes:  Dude. I hope 100% that when I have a baby I can balance my life in this exact way. It makes you a more well rounded person. 

Post # 28
Member
707 posts
Busy bee

stardustintheeyes:  you know what? I want to be a mum like you!!!!! I think you’ve got the balance right. Too many people disappear off the face of the planet and ignore their friends and family once they’ve had a kid. Sure, kid comes first, but don’t shut everyone out and treat them like they don’t matter to you anymore. I’ve lost friendships completely because I don’t matter now she has a kid. Good for you!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

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