Post # 1
Okay this is just a vent bc I can’t really talk about this with my family. My husband supports the wrong side here! so I can only go to strangers on the internet! LOL!
My sisters and I have been always been really close. We grew up in a small town, and a year and a half ago, I moved bc I got married. That’s supposed to happen right? My sister has been dating a guy for about 2 years in which she has been living with him for about 1.5 years. He’s from the east coast. He requested his change from the West Coast to the East coast without discussing it with my sister. After he broke the news of the reques (and approval!) he asks my sister to join him. Meanwhile my sister had a hard time finding a job after graduation. There were no jobs in her field in our town and she definetly had to move (she knew that before even starting school) and of course she had to move to a big city or something like that. Well turns out she accepted to move with her boyfriend from coast to coast to an even smaller town! (His hometown) She hasn’t been working bc THERE ARE NO JOBS! Her bf made it seem like this was only temporary, but now they are buying a house together!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know I should be happy for my sister and he’s a really nice guy, but the sister part of me can’t help to see this as a selfish act from his part. I mean yeah, I want to be close to my family too but I want to build a future! and I don’t want to see my sister waste hers. This is really ruined my day. I just don’t want to see my sister 10 years from today beign a housewife and no dreams of her own. I’m obviously not going to spoil this for her, but I really feel like screaming now :'(
Post # 3
Have you talked to your sister? It’s possible that she would love to be a stay-at-home mom ten years from now. I know it’s a choice a lot of people make because that is their dream. If it isn’t, though, that’s really frustrating to watch, I can’t imagine it 🙁
And seriously, he put in to change coasts without consulting her first? Who does that? I would never stand for it, regardless of the job situation. If my Fiance and I are living together and close enough that he wants me to move with him, then he needs to tell me before he puts in the request! Is this going to be a pattern for him?
You’re right not to spoil it for her because she probably wouldn’t listen to you and would just get mad at you for “being bossy” or something (I have accused my older sister of that on more than one occasion…) but I definitely understand why you’re upset. I hope you can gently ask her at some point whether it bothered her that he made this decision without consulting her first just to get her thinking about whether that’s an okay dynamic to build a relationship on.
Post # 4
I know right? They had a major fallout bc of this and they were going to break up, but he convinced her that he wasn’t going to move without her, he was just looking for options (he can make a request and be approved but he’s given time to make a final decision) etc etc etc. The truth (that I see) is that he wanted to be close to his family regardless of….which is fair but, I just feel betrayed (I considered him my brother and part of our family) He comes from a very traditional family and his ideas are kind of outdated. He calls us liberals and that sort of thing. Anyways, I wish I could speak up, but I know that would mean my sister and I not speaking for a while.
Post # 5
I would definitely ask your sister how she feels about it. As the above poster said, perhaps she wants to be a stay at home mom.
I have a graduate degree and additional post grad training and come from a very well (Ivy-league) educated family consisting of primarily doctors and lawyers, however I fully intend to be a stay at home mom, at least when our children are young. My sister regularly says things that are similar to what you mentioned above (i.e. housewife with no dreams of my own) and its actually kind of offensive and awkward. to each her own. Perhaps your sister is happy in her current situation?
Post # 7
I feel like maaaaaaaaaaybe you just really want her to be near you instead? Like, what if she was living with her bf near you and not working, would you be just as upset?? I dont know. I totally get where you’re coming from though. My best bet would be to just talk to your sis and see how she feels about it, it might ease your mind a little bit. A lot of my friends have been struggling after college so hopefully she will find something soon 🙂
Post # 9
I know how frustrating it is to watch, but unfortunately there’s not much you can do other than support and encourage her to follow her dreams and be there for her if she decides to leave. One can become very isolated when in a new place and unable to work. Maybe that’s what this guy wants, since his actions sound a bit controlling. My sister was in a similar situation years ago and eventually she got sick of having no life of her own and moved back home, went back to school, and is really successful and happy now. I have another friend that went the other way, kept moving to new places with her husband, stopped working, and became a stay at home mom. Now that her kids are older and in school full time she is depressed and alone, far from family and friends, unable to find a job, more than a bit intimidated about re-entering the workforce, and her husband discourages her at every turn. Again there’s nothing I can do but help her look at her options and be supportive of whatever decision she makes. I do hope it works out for your sister!!
Post # 10
I really hope this doesn’t seem mean but if I was your sister and I had decided to make the move then obviously I had thought about it and it’s what I wanted and I would be very upset if you tried to convince me to change my mind. It is her life and she will do what is best for her. Maybe you are just this mad because she moved far away. You can tell her how you feel but it isn’t your place to say she is giving up on her dreams.
Post # 11
I don’t like that he didn’t consult her because it didn’t leave her much time to decide, but he told her he wasn’t going to move without her and she still decided to go. It’s not certain that she won’t find work, and she must like it somewhat to want to buy a house. Maybe approach in a positive way like asking her what she likes about it out there? You may be surprised by her enthusiasm, or she may indicate she’s not so into it in which case you can ask her if this is really what she wants without upsetting her.
I’d be sad if my sister moved too, especially if I thought she may have been pressured. But you never know she may have said she’d like to live out there and he may have really honestly thought that’s what she wanted. People move for love sometimes. It’s a leap of faith but she’s an adult and she made her choice.
Post # 12
wow. how incredible. this almost could be my sisters post.
so from your sisters perspective…. maybe, she doesnt care where she lives as long as she is with her SO. its not WHERE you live but who you are living your life with.
I agree that living near family is SO incredibly important.
My Fiance and I – he was rasied a few states away, we met in my home state. HE HATES living here…. we moved and bought a house a few hours away from home….
now, he is looking for another job and currently interviewing in a SMALLLLLL town. I have my degree and really would need a big town. but personally… I CANT WAIT to be a stay at home mom if possible. living here there is NO WAY I could do that!
I love being independent and everything, but as long as I am with my Fiance I could live anywhere… and TRUST me I am super close to my family. like I talk/text my parents and sister daily..
Your sister may just want to live by some family and since the families are so far apart 1 side is better than none. thats just my opinion as I am in the situation simliar to your sisters.
Post # 13
@newenglandgirl: No offense taken.
I don’t mean to say that being a housewife is bad. It is a choice that a lot of people take and I respect that. However, I know my sister is not the kind of person who would be ok with that. She’s happy with who I think is the love of her life. However, I feel that sometimes when we are inlove we give up everything and when things fail we look back and regret some decisions. I spoke to my sister and she says she’s happy right now, but she’s just not happy living there, but agreed to purchase a house as an investment. I just knew that something was off, is like sister six-sense. However like ive laugh love said.. seems like she’s happy just being with the love of her life and that brings a smile to my face.