(Closed) Life is not fair !!!!…….. VENT

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Have you talked to your sister?  It’s possible that she would love to be a stay-at-home mom ten years from now.  I know it’s a choice a lot of people make because that is their dream.  If it isn’t, though, that’s really frustrating to watch, I can’t imagine it 🙁

And seriously, he put in to change coasts without consulting her first?  Who does that?  I would never stand for it, regardless of the job situation.  If my Fiance and I are living together and close enough that he wants me to move with him, then he needs to tell me before he puts in the request!  Is this going to be a pattern for him?

You’re right not to spoil it for her because she probably wouldn’t listen to you and would just get mad at you for “being bossy” or something (I have accused my older sister of that on more than one occasion…) but I definitely understand why you’re upset.  I hope you can gently ask her at some point whether it bothered her that he made this decision without consulting her first just to get her thinking about whether that’s an okay dynamic to build a relationship on.

Post # 5
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I would definitely ask your sister how she feels about it. As the above poster said, perhaps she wants to be a stay at home mom.

I have a graduate degree and additional post grad training and come from a very well (Ivy-league) educated family consisting of primarily doctors and lawyers, however I fully intend to be a stay at home mom, at least when our children are young. My sister regularly says things that are similar to what you mentioned above (i.e. housewife with no dreams of my own) and its actually kind of offensive and awkward. to each her own. Perhaps your sister is happy in her current situation?

Post # 6
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

duplicate post…

Post # 7
Member
1133 posts
Bumble bee

I feel like maaaaaaaaaaybe you just really want her to be near you instead? Like, what if she was living with her bf near you and not working, would you be just as upset?? I dont know. I totally get where you’re coming from though. My best bet would be to just talk to your sis and see how she feels about it, it might ease your mind a little bit. A lot of my friends have been struggling after college so hopefully she will find something soon 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I know how frustrating it is to watch, but unfortunately there’s not much you can do other than support and encourage her to follow her dreams and be there for her if she decides to leave. One can become very isolated when in a new place and unable to work. Maybe that’s what this guy wants, since his actions sound a bit controlling. My sister was in a similar situation years ago and eventually she got sick of having no life of her own and moved back home, went back to school, and is really successful and happy now. I have another friend that went the other way, kept moving to new places with her husband, stopped working, and became a stay at home mom. Now that her kids are older and in school full time she is depressed and alone, far from family and friends, unable to find a job, more than a bit intimidated about re-entering the workforce, and her husband discourages her at every turn. Again there’s nothing I can do but help her look at her options and be supportive of whatever decision she makes. I do hope it works out for your sister!!

Post # 10
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I really hope this doesn’t seem mean but if I was your sister and I had decided to make the move then obviously I had thought about it and it’s what I wanted and I would be very upset if you tried to convince me to change my mind. It is her life and she will do what is best for her. Maybe you are just this mad because she moved far away. You can tell her how you feel but it isn’t your place to say she is giving up on her dreams.

Post # 11
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t like that he didn’t consult her because it didn’t leave her much time to decide, but he told her he wasn’t going to move without her and she still decided to go. It’s not certain that she won’t find work, and she must like it somewhat to want to buy a house. Maybe approach in a positive way like asking her what she likes about it out there? You may be surprised by her enthusiasm, or she may indicate she’s not so into it in which case you can ask her if this is really what she wants without upsetting her.

I’d be sad if my sister moved too, especially if I thought she may have been pressured. But you never know she may have said she’d like to live out there and he may have really honestly thought that’s what she wanted. People move for love sometimes. It’s a leap of faith but she’s an adult and she made her choice.

Post # 12
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

wow. how incredible. this almost could be my sisters post.  

so from your sisters perspective…. maybe, she doesnt care where she lives as long as she is with her SO. its not WHERE you live but who you are living your life with. 

I agree that living near family is SO incredibly important. 

My Fiance and I – he was rasied a few states away, we met in my home state. HE HATES living here…. we moved and bought a house a few hours away from home…. 

now, he is looking for another job and currently interviewing in a SMALLLLLL town. I have my degree and really would need a big town. but personally… I CANT WAIT to be a stay at home mom if possible. living here there is NO WAY I could do that! 

I love being independent and everything, but as long as I am with my Fiance I could live anywhere… and TRUST me I am super close to my family. like I talk/text my parents and sister daily.. 

Your sister may just want to live by some family and since the families are so far apart 1 side is better than none. thats just my opinion as I am in the situation simliar to your sisters. 

The topic ‘Life is not fair !!!!…….. VENT’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors