Post # 1
Not only is it frustrating having to wait a long time for a BFP but so many other aspects of my life are currently on hold because of it.
Darling Husband and I currently rent, we have a great but small apartment right in the city which is great for our current carefree lifestyle but I feel we’ve outgrown it and would love to buy a home.
Our problem is that if we have a baby we want to move somewhere out of the city to somewhere with better schools and more child friendly but I’m scared that in reality out baby may never happen and to move for the sake of a child that never comes and commuting into work makes no sense.
I HATE my job at the moment, we are restructuring and conditions are getting worse but it has great maternity benefits and I would hate to leave for another job because if I get pregnant I wouldn’t be in the privileged position I am now and I’d hate to start a new job and be off on maternity within a year.
Post # 3
@Indianinerniner: i understand where your coming from. My husband and I decided not to buy right now but to keep renting but our lease ends soon so even that was hard to decide. Ideally if I was pregnant right now I would like to have a 3 bedroom, so we could have an office/guest room and a babies room. But I didn’t want to rent a 3 bedroom house if a baby doesn’t come this year and have a constant reminder every time I saw an empty room with nothing to do with it.. so we decided to just rent a 2 bedroom. I was getting really down and letting us TTC effect even the little decisions. ” Oh I don’t want to plan a trip that month because I could potientally be X months pregnant.’ ” No bubbles baths or hot tubs because I am in the TWW” ” Maybe I shouldn’t buy these new jeans because I may not fit in them in a few months If I get a BFP in a few days” .. seriously not a way to live.
I read a blog, maybe it was on here about advice from someone who was TTC a long time and their advise was to not put your life on hold at all. To plan the trip, to buy clothes that fit you now..And honestly since I changed my mind set the last 2 months I feel so much better, less stress, less dissapointment and am just over all enjoyng my current life situation more.
Post # 4
@Indianinerniner: It’s funny how we plan our futures over this TTC thing. When I bought my first house w/my exH, we were NOT TTC then but I did make sure it had enough room for “us to grow into it” and it was in the best school district in the city.
I also worked at a job for 10 years and was scared to leave b/c it had taken so long to accumulate the leave I had and I didn’t want to start over if I got PG. In hindsight, they were NOT very accomodating to women on maternity leave and there was so much work, they kinda guilted you into taking only 6 weeks off.
Unfortunately, my exH and I were never able to get PG…one of the major factors in our divorce. Now that I’m TTC again, I still have those thoughts pop up ALL the time. DH’s job (while the pay is awesome) is also very volatile…as in we could be sent somewhere else w/3 weeks notice…he’s not military FYI.
I guess b/c of that, I realize I will make it through anything…it might be tough but I’ll get through it like always.
@mrs.stormylove: Too funny about the clothes! I was gonna order new bras and I had the THOUGHT “If I get PG this month, my boobs might not (hopefully) fit into that size anymore!” I seriously hate my hormones ATM but I try to look on the bright side and at least I still have HOPE! 🙂
Post # 5
@Indianinerniner: I totally understand. I have told Darling Husband, well, we can’t plan a hiking trip because I might be PG! This month I have backed off a little and I feel a lot better. As for the school district thing, it will be five years before your potential LO would go to school anyway, so you have plenty of time to move. Plenty of people have babies in apartments, too. Just remember, it’s all temporary! It will all work out.
Post # 6
@Indianinerniner: How long have you been TTC?
Post # 7
Honestly, life can throw us so many curveballs. Don’t put anything on hold – whether it’s a trip, buying a new house or changing jobs. I have missed out on so many wonderful opportunities already because I’ve said “well I’ll probably be pregnant then, so I can”t go”…. yeah, well…. still not pregnant, still TTC and 7 months later I’ve realized that it’s a very silly way to live.
I always had a premonition that I’d have trouble getting PG. And, I was right. I am seeing a specialist to help us along, and wish that looking back, I had never planned my life around it. Even now, my husband will throw out ideas for the summer and I so badly want to say “well, I probably won’t be able to do that” and i just say “book it!”. We’ve planned a 10 day holiday at the end of June involving a lot of camping, and while the thought of camping pregnant does not sound all that appealing, if i’m not pregnant, it will be a blast. Heck, even if I am, I’ll deal. I’m not going to harm a baby by sleeping on an airmattress for a few nights lol. We’ve planned a big party bus/concert for a weekend in August which I fully intend on getting super drunk if I’m not pregnant. And.. if I am… it will be a great time to party with friends while sipping on cranberry juice.
It’s SO easy to let this journey take over. Please don’t let it. Change jobs if you don’t like it.. move into a new place that speaks to you, right now. If it’s got a little growing room even better. Sign a year lease and know that maybe in a year, you WILL have to move to a bigger place in the country… or… maybe you won’t. Live life for YOU and your Darling Husband. Create those memories and fun times together now. One day, it won’t just be the two of you and life will be different.
In the meantime, go live. Be happy, do what makes you smile. If you get a BFP along the way, you can adjust your sails accordingly. 🙂
Post # 8
I totally agree about not putting vacations on hold or buying clothes. I’m trying to carry out as normal in terms of those kind of things.
It’s the big life things that I’m finding hard. It is expensive to buy and sell homes due to fees and current market where we are is tricky. Darling Husband finds it all stressful and is not keen to buy now only to have to sell in a few years – he only sold his old place a year ago and hated the process and lost money on the property.
Where we are now is great for a couple but it would be tough with a baby and I really want more space and would love a garden!
My current jobs really is amazing for maternity benefits and flexible working which would be ridiculous to give up but I’m really not enjoying being there right now!
We’ve only been trying for 7 months so it’s not so bad. I’m just ranting!
Post # 9
I could have written this exact post! DH and I have been TTC for 13 months. We live in a great apartment in the city and have been clinging to it, enjoying our life and the proximity to work and social outings. We cannot have a child in this apartment – we would need way more space! But, we’re holding off on moving until we’re pregnant because, well, because I don’t want to move out of the city until I have to. I mean, what if we never get pregnant? If so, then I’d much rather be living in the city than in the suburbs.
I know how it feels to say no to stuff because you “might” be pregnant. I like to run half-marathons and I didn’t run any last year because I thought for sure I’d be pregnant and unable to race. It’s really hard to get out of that mindset. It took me about 11 months of trying, before I finally said F it, and started to say Yes to that stuff.
I totally get the new clothes stuff! Since I started TTC, I’ve been buying a lot of dresses and tunic tops that would totally work for a few months of early pregnancy. Fortunately, they look cute now.
Anyway, just wanted to say that I totally relate. Trying my best to stay present in the here and now though!
Post # 10
Take care of yourself, and All good things will feel even THAT much happier. 🙂