(Closed) Life: Post Bullies

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

It makes me so sad to hear these kind of stories and to know that kids wake up every day fearing and dreading going to school because of bullying.

I have to say I’m fortunate that I never experienced bullying in any of the schools I attended.  I always went to private schools that had a zero tolerance policy for bullying,  violence and any kind of objectionable behavior.  We never had fights, bullying, cliques, etc.  Everyone just sort of co-existed and got along.  I know now that I was very sheltered because when I first started to hear about bullying from the media I completely believed it was very isolated incidents only to later find out how prevelent and common it really is.

Post # 4
Member
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My boyfriend was bullied a LOT growing up, and I know that has had a big impact on making him who he is. We actually went to the same middle school, high school, and college, but I never met him until much later because he was 4 years ahead of me.

 

When I was in school, I was not bullied. I was always “different,” but for some reason, I was never bullied for it — everyone pretty much liked me. I was not popular, but I was liked. However, I did encounter bullying — a lot. I had a very strong relationship w/ my church and God, and for that reason, I put myself out there to stop bullying when I saw it. (I felt it was my duty; my faith gave me guts or something.) I distinctly remember getting in some football players’ faces when I came upon them pinning a kid against the wall (the kid had something wrong w/ him, and we all knew it; that made me even more mad — who picks on a kid with a disability?)

 

I also distinctly remember walking OUT on my friends when they started bullying a girl in our class who was a bit socially awkward. I remember walking out on them and spending the lunch period with her instead. I think I wrote my Confirmation speech about that incident.

 

Honestly, I feel very proud of how I acted in high school. I didn’t realize the impact bullying could have on a person back then — I was just glad it wasn’t happening to me, and I had my faith to push me to protect people. I often wonder if I would have stuck up for my now-boyfriend had we been in school at the same time.

Ultimately, though, I truly and deeply believe that he and I met exactly when we were meant to. He went through a lot of bullying and came out with not a lot of self esteem, but with a LOT of compassion and humbleness. I came out of a tough home life with a lot of anger, depression, and anxiety. We met at the right time: he had finally begun to learn that he was good enough, and I had finally overcome my depression and sought help.

 

A few months ago, a girl at our old high school committed suicide because of bullying. It really made me think about my time there (and my boyfriend’s time there). It is so important that kids learn that they have a voice too and that it is a GOOD THING to stand up for someone when they are being bullied. I know my boyfriend has told me it would’ve made a huge impact on him had someone just stood up for him and been his friend.

Post # 5
Member
11239 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@OneOfTheseDaysAlice:  I am exactly the same. FI and I were both bullied in school, although he was a nerd/jock and I was just weird (like you, I liked old things; I also dressed a little out there). We also didn’t have a lot of money growing up, so my clothes were mostly from Goodwill (which I preferred anyway) and I had a favorite pair of pants that I wore a lot. Naturally, this caused some of the rich, snobby girls to tease me–one of them told me that I obviously needed new clothes and that she was going to bring me some of hers. I told her that I didn’t think they’d fit me because her tops had to fit over her giant ears and she was built like a 10 year old boy. Hey, it was either that or cry. 

FI was bullied because he was small growing up. He was only about 98lbs as a high school freshman, but he’s gained about 50lbs (mostly muscle) since then. He wrestled in high school, so that helped a lot, but he’s always had self-esteem problems. His ex didn’t help, since she was a HUGE bully who always clamped on to his insecurities and exacerbated them.

Post # 7
Hostess
11177 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I was bullied on a daily basis by a few girls and a guy on the school bus. They would constantly tease me about my weight (and the guy was incredibly overweight too!). They would yell at me as the bus was driving away and I would be walking home “1-800-94-Jenny” which I’m sure everyone remembers from the commercials. It was a really difficult time in my life. I was in 5th and 6th grade and just starting to become a woman, with all the curves and curiosities that come with that change.

I am still incredibly touchy about my weight and I work really hard to maintain myself even though I am no where near the weight I would like to be. At some point I have had to just ignore comments and focus on being healthy versus being skinny. I, as most of you know, lost 130 pounds within the past few years and it has left me with a body that well I love to hate.

Does everyone remember the show Ruby? About the very heavy lady that was trying to lose weight? I loved that show! Anyway I remember after she lost a great deal of weight her extra skin on her arms was getting in the way of being mobile and active. She went in for a consult to have it removed and was told that yes it was possible but that it would leave scars. Her response has stuck with me… (paraphrased) “my weight was a scar from my emotional issues and despite losing some of the weight I will still have scars. I have traded one scar for another.”

I think bullying affects us even in ways we cannot imagine. While we may think we are okay, have moved on, or are over it those scars never really go away but rather show up in ways we never might have imagined.

 

Post # 8
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

When I moved to Georgia, I started middle school.  I was bullied.  I had girls pour salt in my hair and things like that.  I pretty much became an introvert, I spoke to no one and just stayed outside in the hall for lunch.  I became invisible.  In high school I am sure no one knew I exsisted. It’s funny, I actually dated someone who went to high school with me a few years ago, he actually was the last guy I went on dates with before I started seeing my FI.  He didn’t remember me from back then! It took me forever to come out of my shell, getting into the workforce definitely pushed me.

Post # 9
Member
1330 posts
Bumble bee

I went from bullied to super popular in a matter of a few years. I was a straight A-brown-nosing, poetry-writing 8 year old with a few friends but that was it. I was a teen in the 80’s, and my parents couldn’t afford all the labels back then. I had also put on some weight, and people would seriously dig into me about my appearance. I remember going to my family doctor, and he was making jokes about me at 11 saying if  I didnt stop eating so much, they were going to have to stretch me out. He then opened a book and showed me pictures of how they used to stretch people out. I began starving myself…and have had some issues since then for sure.  iate tuna on dry toast and nothing else, would go days without eating. I lost all the weight, and remember getting mad that my waist couldn’t get any smaller than 28 inches at 15. I became popular, my mom bought me all the brands, I had a big circle for awhile.

I remember a girl, Tammy who one day turned to me (prior to my transformation) and she said: “Too bad you don’t have nicer clothes because you are pretty nice but no one wants to hang out with you because your clothes aren’t brands. Can’t you talk to your mom about buying you a polo shirt?”

It was pretty brutal-but I’m all grown up now, and I will always be a little quirky, but either people love it or hate it.

 

Post # 10
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Both my brother and I were bullied A LOT in school but for different reasons.

I got bullied for being smart and caring about my schoolwork in the public schools.  I did well on an assignment – attacks.  I do not quite so well – attacks for that too.  Completely lose-lose situation.  After my parents transferred me to a private school (not because of the bullying specifically, but because of the shitty “education” my school was providing), I was much happier academically because I was actually challanged and my desire to learn was supported and appreciated both by my teachers and peers.  I came out of it with thicker skin and the ability to let things slide off my back but all in all, it didn’t affect me too greatly.

My brother, on the other hand, was bullied for being small and for not liking sports.  It was so bad that it drove him into multiple years worth of depression and actually led to him being hospitalized once.  He has also come full circle and is 100% better now.  After high school was over, he moved out to Utah and works at a ski resort there.  He is thriving and off all meds and any trace of his past depression is completely erased.

Post # 11
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

I hate bullying so, so, so much. Kids are so cruel.

If this background matters, I went to a hoity-toity, private, all-girls, religious school (not by choice.)

I was not popular, and I was made fun of sometimes by the popular crowd, but I wouldn’t say I was outright bullied. It was worse in middle school when I hadn’t yet realized that I was supposed to care about what brand my clothes were and how my hair looked, etc. I was once called out for wearing a coat that another girl swore she had seen at Wal-Mart. (It was from Wal-Mart, my parents didn’t have a lot of money and were paying a lot to send me to that school for the education; they didn’t have money to spend on Abercrombie and Polo.) Anyway, I was harassed for wearing Wal-Mart clothes, but it was before I even know that doing so was “wrong.”

In high school, I had friends but always felt like I was juuuuust on the periphery of the circle of close friends. I often panicked about whether I’d have to sit alone at lunch or if I’d have anyone to talk to or hang out with at school social functions. High school was so fraught with tension for me. 

However, I often think back to this one girl in my class that everyone bullied. She definitely had obsessive-compulsive disorder but, of course, as teenagers, not everyone was compassionate about it. I think, in terms of her OCD, she was concerned with germs and neatness. She’d carry her bookbag into school inside of a garbage bag so nothing would touch it, she’d line her locker with contact paper and Lysol it every day, she wouldn’t let anyone borrow her stuff, and at lunch, she’d eat everything with plastic utensils that she brought from home – I mean, everything, like, if she had a bag of M&Ms, she’d eat them with a spoon because she didn’t want to touch them with her hands.

People were so relentlessly mean to her. On top of just verbally bashing her, they would go out of their way to disrupt the order of her things, touch her food, put trash in her locker, etc. They’d fake cough or sneeze on her, put dirty tissues on her desk, you get the idea.

The thing is, she was SO nice, too. She never overtly got mad or retaliated or said or did anything mean to anyone. She always treated her bullies nicely.

I didn’t participate in this behavior, bu I also didn’t do much to stop it for fear of making myself more of a target or upsetting the balance of my own perilous social standing. I think that’s so often the issue. A lot of kids realize that bullying is wrong, but they either join in, or don’t do anything about it, because they don’t want to get bullied. It’s a vicious cycle.

AND, FWIW, the girl that was bullied for her OCD became a Fulbright Scholar and now has a very high profile job. So she showed us! LOL.

 

Post # 12
Member
11239 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@OneOfTheseDaysAlice:  For real. My FI is 5’7″ and so is his ex, so she’d tease him about being “short” and wear heels to make him feel worse. Anything he was insecure about was fair game to her. She cheated on him in the end (and told him that it “wasn’t a big deal” but that if he did the same thing, “that’s different”). I’m STILL mad TO THIS DAY that his mom, stepmom, and friends STILL talk to her. I know that his friends don’t know how bad it was (one of them said, “Well, we knew that they weren’t happy…”), but his mom and stepmom HAD to know. He lived at home for a while to save money and his ex moved in with them randomly one day (didn’t ask or anything, just moved in! and never did anything to help out!), so I know his mom had to know some of the shit she did to him. I know his dad knew, which means that his stepmom had to know, too.

I’ve run into her a couple of times. I was at lunch with a friend from out of town and she showed up. I don’t think she saw me until she got up to leave, since she walked right past us, but I should have tripped her. She came to a friend’s wedding reception, as well, but said hi to a few people at our table and then she and her friend (who no one knew, and I still don’t get why she RSVP’d for 2 and didn’t bring her husband) sat at a table by themselves on the other side of the room in the corner all night. I was just hoping she didn’t talk to FI, since I saw the look on his face when she walked in. 

Post # 13
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

@vorpalette:  This is no way, shape, or form excuses your FI’s ex’s behavior, because she sounds like a terrible person, but it also sounds like she suffered from a lot of insecurities herself and treating him like crap made her feel better. It’s such a shame when people who are insecure have to force others to feel the same way. I’m sure insecurity and self-consciousness is a lot of what drives bullying, too.

Post # 14
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Sometimes I think that really cool people are the ones who get bullied.  If you are just mediocre, you probably do not pose a threat to anyone, and therefore slide under the radar.  I have never been one to go with the flow.  When I see someone getting bullied, I always stand up to the bully.  Hard pressed to find someone do the same, though- and that is a shame. 

I had a teacher bully me in front of everyone repeatedly in 2nd grade.  It was terrible.  My parents had just divorced and it was so much worse than that.  My mum took us overnight to a new town and we didn’t know what was going on.  She was having an affair and moved us in with a crazy person who killed our animals, physically abused her, and emotionally abused all of us.  I had a right to cry at school, okay lady?  She would make me stand in front of everyone while I was crying.  Naturally, this made the other kids pick on me.  When it rains it pours and I literally had no safe place to be. 

I do think that because I have been through so many awful things in my young life I must be stronger than I realize.  I am not a follower and I stand up to bullies.  DH had it really rough as well, and I think that is part of why we connect so much.  His family was poor, lived in the trailer park, and for a time was homeless.  They lived in a tiny camper at a KOA.  The only food he ate was the free hot lunch at school.  🙁  The rich kids surely made him a target.  Now he is so secure, the most secure person I have ever met.  He doesn’t care what anyone thinks.  A lot of people have always been jealous of both of us, and that is the ironic thing about it- we both went through so much so I think that is part of what makes us who we are and who we are people often get jealous of.  It is strange how it works out that way.

 

Post # 15
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I was bullied, I was the girl that was in just about every club, I got good grades and was on the dance team. But all of my friends were “Boy crazy” they didnt understand why I was not dating every boy who looked at me like they were. and aparently the rest of the school didnt either.

I got fake love notes in my locker, notes passed to me in class (in the class that the teacher reads letters outloud) and they would say things like “I had a great time last night, but don’t bother waiting for me to call it isnt going to happen” or “Can you please stop calling and writing me we are not soul mates and you are creeping me out” 

Oh and there was a rummor my freshman year that I was pregnant but my sophmore year the rummor was that _____ took my virgintity.

I was spit on and mentaly beat up on by a guy who was and still is a POS. he would throw things one me and treat me like I didnt deserve to even be alive.

Then I ended up getting pregnant my senior year (by Fi the first guy I was ever with) and not only did kids bully me and treat me like crap. Asked who the father was and started rumors that Fi was not not the father,

one of my Ex-friend’s boyfriend actually ruined mine and the friends friendship because he told her that my daughter could be his in a very heated argument (I NEVER SLEPT WITH HIM)

Some teacher were just as bad as the students though. I had a 3.84 GPA and I almost didnt graduate high school because the councilor (who ended up getting fired) completly tried to screw me over. 

and I got written up for PDA for Hugging Fi when he and the couple making out across the hall did not get in trouble at all. 

Looking back I dont belive I stayed friends with those girls who did nothing to stick up for me and were also “Friends” with the bullys. WOW the things you think about after the fact…. 

Fi was never bullied he is not too social but he gets along with everyone. I am still nice just like I was before and still having a man is not my only purpose in life. I think I am a better person for going through it all but I am still insecure. I started started college last year (after finally getting my Diploma from my high school 4 years after I graduated) and I still have those knot in the bottom of my stomach feelings sometimes when I go to school I know that it is not how it was back then but I cant help it…

Post # 16
Member
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I’ve shared it before so I won’t rehash the whole story, but I lived with bullying during the middle school years and I’ve experienced it throughout my life for my weight.  I didn’t realize what a number it had done to my self-esteem until I was an adult.  My son is now the same age I was when the bullying began and I worry endlessly that he’ll go through the same thing.  I was embarrased to tell my parents because I thought they’d be ashamed of me, coming from a family of athletes and over-achievers, and teachers did absolutely nothing, with some even participating. 

I don’t think twice to speak up when I see someone being bullied.  My husband gets worried about me, b/c I’ll put myself right in the middle of situations that could turn ugly, but I can’t walk away and ignore it.  And, I make sure to talk with my kids about it.  I let them know it’s okay to fight back (that’s pretty much the only way to get it to stop).  Also, I make sure they know that our family doesn’t make fun of or tease other kids for any reason. 

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