Post # 1
Ok, here’s the background. My Fiance and I will be graduating college in a year and will be getting married shortly after graduation. I will be graduating with a Bachelors in Chemistry and he will be graduating with his associates in Business. I am currently interning at a great company (that I love) that wants to hire me on full time when I graduate. My Fiance however is thinking of going back to school in Memphis (his hometown). Going to that school would almost guarantee him a position in Hospitality management (which is what he wants to do) and his parents would let us stay with them rent free. However, even with that degree, I would still be making more as a scientist. Being apart is not an option and I don’t know if I might want to be a stay at home mom someday. SO should I 1)give up a job I love to move back to his hometown, increase the amount of our student loans, when he’ll be making less than me OR 2) keep my job, let him go to school here (Chattanooga,TN) somewhere (he’ll definitely make a lot less), but basically eliminate the option to be a stay at home mom.
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
Wyh is being apart not an option?
I think the better solution would be to take the job, and let him do the program back home– that gives you both the best possible future options.
Post # 4
Can you start looking for full-time employement there? Then you can both have fulfilling jobs?
Post # 5
I’m not clear on why he can’t go to school near where you live now. Why is going to school in Memphis the ONLY way for him to make any money?
Post # 6
This is such a hard decision. I cant even begin to give my advice but I just wanted to say that you should pray on it and make sure you both agree 100% so resentment never builds because of it. Good luck!
Post # 7
I think the two best options are:
1- You both move to Memphis so he can go back to school more affordably; you get a job there.
2- Live apart for the duration of his next degree or however long it takes you to find a job there.
Post # 8
@juliette.eliza: We are both very clingy people and we haven’t spent more than a week apart in the last 3 years, so being apart would be very emotionally difficult for both of us.
missrobots:I would get a job in Memphis if we moved, it just wouldn’t be as good because the position normally requires a masters degree. I am only getting it here because I have been interning at this job for almost 2 years.
Beckster329:Memphis is not the only way for him to make money, but because Hospitality Management is such a specialized field it is very difficult to get into and this school would greatly increase his chances of getting a job in that field and greatly increase his pay.
Post # 9
In my opinion, I think you should spend a year and take on the job. In the furture they’ll look at your work experience, so it is worth having that under your belt. However, I think you would also regret holding back your Fiance from going to the school he wants to go to – your education, and the name of the school, is something that follows you for the rest of your career. It’s a few months of your life you will be apart to ensure your long term happiness, it’s a small price to pay.
Post # 10
@Au Jardin: I think I would regret holding him back because I feel that he thinks he needs to be the provider, but his schooling would take 2 years to complete and I just couldn’t handle being apart that long.
Post # 11
This is a toughie! What does your Fiance think of the situation? How long would it take for your Fiance to finish school? I don’t think it is fair to ask you to relinquish your career when you’re not sure if you want to be a stay-at-home mom but I also don’t think it is fair for your Fiance either. // I agree with other PPs about a temporary LDR, though. //
Post # 12
I think you two might want to consider being long distance for a bit. If he really thinks that he can get into hospitality management, that might be the best place for him to go but if you leave, you are going to end up wasting a good opportunity for yourself. My rule of thumb is to live where the one with the harder to find job is, the fact that you are the main breadwinner doesn’t seem like a good idea to move and have no income.
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2013 - Old Stone House in Brookyn
How would you support yourselves in Memphis? Do you have a potential job there? I would be very, very hesistant about turning down a great job offer in this economy when you have student loans. No degree is a job guarantee.
Post # 14
No one can tell you want to do in this situation, but I will offer some advice. Consider where you want to live long-term and raise your family. If you think you would eventually move to Memphis already, maybe you can go there and pursue a Master’s Degree with him since that seems to be a positivie for your field. Especially if you have a place to stay. If you know Memphis is not for you long term, then I’d really consider all of your priorities and the consequences of each scenario. Good luck.
Post # 15
@jakesgirl90: I said a year 🙂 I figured his program would be longer, but what is stopping you from taking on the job for six – nine months and then start looking for a job where he is? At least you’ll have the work experience on your resume for a significant amount of time to be considered for a similar type of position somewhere else. Even if you want to get your masters later in the same city as your Fiance, you’ll have a better chance of getting into a program.