Life Update Two

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
9953 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I would tread very very carefully here bee. You literally broke up less than a month ago and you were in a very emotionally draining relationship.

I don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer, but just be careful. It would be very easy to fall into seeing someone else just so you don’t have to deal with your break up and that’s not healthy.

Post # 4
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

becomingmichi :  definitely. Defiantly is a completely different word. Not to be rude, but it’s my biggest pet peeve and people should know they’re using the wrong word.

Post # 5
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

c3lloninja :  So did you comment to leave advice or play grammar police? Dont see the point

Post # 6
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

picklerick :  My comment has more relevance than yours. Clearly I’m teaching her how to spell.

Post # 7
Member
5038 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

Op, I agree that you should be cautious.  At the same time I’m glad to hear you’ve found some happiness after a very long and taxing relationship.  Continue building up your new social circle so when you do enter a new relationship you will have your own sense of independence.

Post # 8
Member
8442 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

c3lloninja :  

lol. I have to do it sometimes too. And ‘flaunting’ for ‘flouting ‘.

Bit differnt, but  I also hate the way the perfectly sensible and adequate verb ‘give’  has been  superseded  by the awkward  ‘gift ‘ as in “I was gifted  a .. ” ” I want to gift  her a…” instead of ‘given a’ and ‘give a’.

Sorry threadjack OP  – I do agree with pps though , do  be careful , don’t read too much into things  and don’t be too grateful for attention  – stay cool and prideful at first .  

Post # 9
Member
390 posts
Helper bee

I agree with PP – it’s very common to get out of one relationship and quickly get into another and it’s a mistake. You need that time to yourself to process what happened, time to get to know yourself and learn what you want.

I think time by yourself is very valuable and there are people who are so fearful of being alone they quickly find another relationship or start looking immediately for another relationship. I have a friend who’s like that – he broke up with his abusive ex and was constantly mopping about that he’s single and it’s so hard and was just dating random girls until finally going back to his abusive ex – all because he couldn’t handle being single.

 

 

Post # 10
Member
2518 posts
Sugar bee

A fun first date can be a great confidence booster after a breakup, and remind you of all the awesome possibilities out there in the world. Yay for that! But I agree that you don’t want to get invested in anything at this point. My advice if you decide to go for it is to either A) view it as a rebound and acknowledge to yourself that it’s just going to be casual and limit the time you spend together B) if you must pursue it now, tread very carefully and take it extra slow, or C) explain that the timing is bad and that you like him and want to see where it goes in the future, but need to be single right now – if there’s something real there you can revisit later. 

Post # 11
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

I can’t tag anyone on my phone for some reason but I agree with browneyedgirl24. I think a rebound can actually be good for building you up after a breakup, as long as you don’t get too serious with it. I spent months being single and “working on myself” after a bad breakup and got nowhere, a casual rebound really helped me to build up my confidence and realize that I wouldn’t be alone forever and that I didn’t have to settle. When I broke up with the rebound, I was in a much better place with myself than I was being committed to being single. I do think that it’s different for everyone though, someone who was cheated on might want to wait longer than someone who had an amicable breakup, it just depends on where they are mentally.

Post # 12
Member
4252 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

becomingmichi :  Don’t do it.  You are still healing.  A multi-year relationship, plus a first big breakup means you need to take even MORE time to heal.  You are enjoying the attention this other guy is giving you but I can GUARANTEE that you aren’t ready for this.  You broke an ENGAGEMENT.  You were with him for SEVEN years.  Your ex was going to be your forever.  Take the time.  Lots of time.  Enjoy being YOU.  Enjoy being single.  You haven’t been single in your adult life, so be single.  I’m talking 6+ months.  Be on your own.  Find your independence.  Do some soul searching.

I’m not coming out of left field with this.  My first big breakup was a guy I thought I would marry.  We weren’t engaged but had a long term relationship and we were both in our first professional jobs (in the same field) out of college.  We broke up, and I was devastated and broken.  Less than 2 months later I jumped onto a couple online dating sites because I was lonely and bored and wanted the attention.

I started dating another guy right away and we spent 3-4 months together, and it was all wrong.  Honestly I was using this new guy as a band aid to cover up the pain I had never fully gotten over.  Inevitably it took me about twice as long as it should have to get over that relationship with my ex fully.  I wasn’t facing my realities because I was scared to really, truly process the emotions I was feeling.  I feel really bad now because that new guy was absolutely a rebound and that wasn’t at all fair to him.

Be single.  Work through your feelings.  Enjoy being YOU and not you +1.  It will be ok.  You’ll get over this.

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