- 8 years ago
- Wedding: November 2015
First of all, I love The Big Bang Theory. I mean, who doesn’t?! Now onto the real reason I’m posting:
I had a talk with my SO last night about a lot of different topics and I feel like I may need some words of wisdom from you guys. My SO and I have been together for a little less than 6 years. We started dating when we were 19, so that’s part of the reasons why we aren’t married at the moment.
Based off of things he has said in the past I was under the impression that we would be getting engaged soon; for instance, this past November he brought up the fact that he wanted to get engaged this past January (and no, I didn’t start that topic of conversation and there was no prodding on my part). He also earned his CPA a year ago and he always said that sometime after that is when we’d be engaged. Finally, we’re moving in together this summer and he always said that we would be engaged before then.
Last night we had a good talk about getting engaged and he was (finally) honest with me. He said he doesn’t feel like we’re ready to get married. I told him that I do feel ready, but that it’s ok if he isn’t there just yet (and then I used the Leonard/Penny reference). He wants to wait to get engaged until we’re living together and doesn’t want to put a timeline on anything (so this could be one of those stories where we get engaged next month or never).
I’m not upset with him for not being ready; I don’t think it would be fair for him to be pushed into doing something he isn’t ready for (and I told him that). I know that we’re both still young and we have a lot of time ahead of us for things like engagements and marriage.
However, I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve been jerked around a bit. I have always told him that I would rather have him be honest with me then lie to spare my feelings. For the most part he has done just that (in as gentle a way as possible), but there has been another time where he lied and then told me the truth later. It wasn’t cheating or anything like that, but the fact that he lied was incredibly painful for me to try and deal with. We did move past this though and it’s been several year since then, but the fact that I feel like he did the same thing doesn’t make me feel good. The fact that he suffers from anxiety (he had seen a therapist a few years ago when the initial lying incident happened) doesn’t make things any easier, since I feel like I can’t always be honest with him about how I feel.
How I feel is this: I feel like he has been under stress from a variety of factors and that I’m probably one of those things. I feel like I probably unintentionally put pressure on him about getting engaged and that he never took the time to tell me that I should back off (we both acknowledge these things last night and apologized). I feel like I can’t be open and honest with him about some things that will have a major impact on our lives because of his anxiety and I’m starting to wonder if he will ever be at a place where he feels ready to propose.
I really don’t know what I’m looking for by posting this. If you have any words of wisdom or tips for getting over the idea of marriage then that might be helpful. I have been trying to figure out if marriage is really worth it or not. So far I haven’t had much luck.
Please know, I love my boyfriend very much. He loves me just as much. I am determined to do what I can to make things easier for him. I’m just feeling rather confused, hurt, and unsure of whether I’m making life better for him.